Pimps, Ho’s and Black Women as Tricks

| 01/25/2011 | Comments (12)

I was asked earlier today about the Steve Harvey fiasco. A reader of my column asked me “how the hell does one write a book on relationships all the while cheating on his wife?”

Having given this issue previous thought, I had a ready answer for her that I thought I would share on this forum. Why? Because Black women need to hear some straight talk about their mindset when it comes to Black men and relationships.

Steve Harvey wrote that book and directed it towards Black women because he knows Black women are gullible and desperate for a man. Same thing with Hill Harper and all the other comedian, actors, disc jockeys, pilots, bus drivers, etc. that wrote books on “relationships” which Black women lapped up by the millions.

When a man knows that a certain female is gullible, he knows what to say to her to pimp her out. Black women are some of the most easily manipulated women evidenced by their singular focus on waiting on, uplifting, serving and giving to Black men. It’s the patriarchial mindset I talked about on my show this past Sunday THE MALE IDENTIFIED WOMAN.

See, Black women will listen to any man that tells them “this is what men think and what men want!” The man need have no credibility or track record – all he has to do is be male and they will listen to him and follow him. These pimp type men know that if they speak with conviction and give their opinion as fact, Black women won’t question it.

These guys are slick too! What they are doing these days is taking the pimp game from the streets to the bookstore where the pimping is legal! Black women are volunteering to be in their stable of ponies, giving “Big Daddy” all their money.

Whether it be in church, in bookstores or in real life, Black women submit to and serve men and give everything they have to dumb ass fools that have no sense, no ability to love, no respect for women, and no redeeming social or emotional value. All they are is pimps – doing whatever they can to get the upper hand and dominate you.

All they are is pimps – with the sole goal of getting over on and using you by getting your money, your body, your future (as you have his baby), your time, your energy and your focus by saying the bullshit that Black women want to hear.

Ladies, you must start thinking more about what’s going on with these men before you invest so much of yourself and especially your assets in any relationship with a Black man – whether it be business, professional or personal. It’s not wrong to ask “what’s in it for me?”

It’s not wrong to look at these men with a critical eye and ask yourself “why should I listen to or follow him like a sheep when I am not an animal?” It’s not wrong for you to dismiss a man that doesn’t have his shit together… a man that insists he lead and tell you what to do when his own his shit is raggedy! What?

It’s not wrong to look at these men and demand that they meet your standards EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM or get lost.

It’s not wrong for you to have boundaries with regards to a man living with you without marriage, sleeping with him without commitment, accepting disrespectful treatment, cheating, or being taken for granted. Have boundaries and stick to them.

But the most important thing is that you understand the pimp game Black men use in every facet of their interactions with Black women. Understand the pimp game Black men learn from other men in their youth, and how it is used to keep Black women focused on, loving, and giving to Black men while you get little to nothing of value in return.


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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  1. ANOINTED72 says:

    I Agree!! I know this blog is old but I’m so tired of These so called books, downing Women and We Buy it, support it, live for it.. There’s sum good ones, But not many.. Even Women writing Books dogging Us!! It’s crazy

  2. parker143200 says:

    I had no idea Steve Harvey’s book to black women was like that. I saw him on Oprah honestly I can’t remember most of the things he said but I do remember him saying that his current wife told him that she was going to leave him for not marrying her. And supposedly that was how she got him to marry her. But if I’m not mistakened wasn’t his current wife cheating with him while he was married to someone else? And now she is sitting next to him like she is this good Christian woman. If that’s the case of course she is a hypocrite and so is he. And they need to stop allowing him to host the Stellar Awards. I’ve watched him on the Family Fued and the young white girls are always flirting with him on the show. What women need to do is empower themselves and set a standard for these men and not allow anyman to compromise her self-respect or who she is. You don’t have to read a self-help book to do that.

  3. Danta' says:

    As I stated awhile back:
    Read the Book Pimp or the 1970 article about Robert Beck on Pimps a.k.a. IceBerg Slim. You can learn from those involved in it, and those who weren’t involved in it but experienced it like I have.
    The Pimp Game is about Persuasion, Limited Control, knowledge and instant wealth through materialism.
    knowledge as the Pimp gives his whore techniques verbally and sexually on how to get what, how many, and who they want. that’s why it’s alot of Female pimps now that used to be whores. Persuasion: the gift of gab and making it believable to the person you speaking to but you have them do all the work,and you receive all the credit. Limited Control: Cop and Blow, and Instant wealth y’all already know.

    And read another book by Legendary Chicago Pimp that is now a celebrity among rappers, and Snoop Dogg’s spiritual advisor, Bishop Magic Don Juan From Gold to God:
    and other Pimps from other cities that have written books like Pimpin’ Ken, and Fillmore slim etc.

    This is why so many people lost in the madness they don’t know how the game works or the consequences of it. It’s been Pimps on Record that talk about how pimping is Physiacally, and psychologically draining, and many other Pimps have either went to Mental Hospitals, or comitted Suicide as a result. And this is what popular rappers Rep, and what women that don’t want to be whore, but want a man to be a Pimp?C’mon Son! And call everybody a pimp from a Rapper, to some music label head. And not honor real pimps. Read the books then talk to Real Pimps,and whores. again you can learn from people that were involved like Tricks, Hookers, and Escorts Male and Female, and from People not involved but experienced it like I have in my old hood,and in the city/suburbs. Learn from all sides so you can get the truth.

  4. Pat says:

    I do NOT believe this pimp mentality is something only black women deal with. The attitude comes from an immature man (boy) with NO self esteem. His historic poor role models are to blame. He was never built up, only shot down, he learns to feel anger and hopelessness, creates his mental ceiling where he stays stuck. As he gets older he gets a fake sense of confidence from lowlife sources, (stealing cars, selling drugs, lying, gangs, puffery, and adopting the pimp mentality.) If he was rational, had self worth and confidence, he could work at becoming better, which everyone (regardless of color) has to do. This is a part of growing up, which obviously doesn’t always come with age! HE will have to decide whether to float down the low road of depravity, or graduate with some effort. Fathers fail them from the start by not correcting wrong thinking, but actually promoting it. He will learn to take whether he needs it or not, because in his mind more is always better. People with this mindset get greedy and no amount is ever enough for them. He can’t be mature enough for a relationship when he is stuck in a child’s mentality. I believe it is a social issue predominantly in (but not restricted to) black culture. As he gets bigger, since lil bro has not matured emotionally, he has to lie and puff himself up, thus confusing the woman, who wants to believe him. She doesn’t realize what she is really dealing with, which is an infant in a man’s body.

    All women, (black, white, or purple) need to have her own self worth, (and NOT giving any of it up for anything he promises.) She needs to walk away from his immature lies, puffery, and games. She cannot help or change him. I got my experience from a black guy who got me caught up with his stupid lies, (which I never dealt with before.) I could not believe it, since he is in his 40s, but mentally still in junior high. He brags about things that most would be ashamed of, lying to me and everyone else, shooting off his mouth, acting slick to cover insecurity, and going to great lengths to impress in superficial ways. Nothing ever happened with us, since I did my homework, waited and asked others what their experiences were with him. Mr charming puppy dog charms with compliments and promises, finding similar likes and interests, gets his foot in the door, and will borrow money while he is working on someone else, doing the same thing. He uses compliments a lot and makes you feel as if you are the only woman in the world. Just wait a couple months, the ball will still be in your court. Do you think he treats me (white woman) any better? NO! Once he knows that I don’t listen to lying knuckleheads, then he has enough respect to at least leave me alone. For any man to respect you he has to like you. And how can he like you if you are easy and will give him anything, when he knows darn well he would not know what to do with a good woman if she sat on his nose.

  5. Pamela says:

    I generally do not read relationship books. I was just never interested. So when I heard that Steve Harvey had written a book I did not care one bit.

    However when he was making the Christian TV circuit AND I found out that he was proposing something that the Bible says was wrong I completely dismissed the book at that time. What really got me was when I saw I believe a Good Morning America program in 2009 where they were talking about professional black women having a hard time finding suitable husbands. Cynthia McFadden was the host of the segment. I watched this on YouTube.

    I had no idea that they would pull out Steve Harvey as the one to solve their problems. I knew he had married several times but did not know he was a cheater until later. I did not keep up with him so I was sincerely unaware. HOWEVER all I had to do was to watch his eyes to know that he was an unfaithful man. It was evident in that video for all to see that he was lusting after the ladies on the piece. I will never forget that nasty look on his face.

    The so-called advice he gave was offensive at best. Very condescending and would keep black women in the emotional grip of black men. If there was a chance I would have read the book that video snuffed it out.

  6. JAYmatic says:

    So the question remains….who SHOULD black women…or ANY woman for that matter take advice from as it pertains to the sexes?

    EVERYBODY has a checkered past. If you dont have some questionable things in your past, then that means you havent lived life yet…or made mistakes from which you learn. And that can kill alot of your credibility because youve NEVER experienced what you right about. And thats a VERY important and understated aspect that many writers draw from.

    For real, even Deborah Cooper could have some skeletons in her closet, that could very well fly totally in the face of what you write here. The readers will never know though. You could even straight up tell the reader that you’ve never done anything of ill repute…..and the reader has no choice but to believe you or at least take you at your word.

    Same with Steve Harvey. I personally dont really care about the advice that he gives. BUT, the fact remains that there ARE a certain segment of women who he DOES speak to. He’s sold TOO many books for this to not be true. I read his first book, and thought that almost everything in there was common sense, but again maybe what he said has some credibility coming from him.

    Who knows?

    Are those women gullible? I cant call it. Alot of whether or not a message is received depends on the messenger. Steve just happens to be that messenger. For all we know, alot of women who are buying these books (and there are ALOT, lol) are very accomplished/stand-up type women in their own right. I happen to know a few, lol. Nobody would call them gullible. Does that make them naive to the way the “relationship game works? Maybe so, maybe not.

    Anyway, Im neither here nor there with the whole thing about black men taking advantage of black women. Are there men that do? Of course there are. Are there women that do it? OH YES!!!!! LMAO But thats an uncomfortable truth that nobody really addresses.

    In closing, I dont look at it like the women that are buying into what these men are selling are being pimped. They are doing what they wanna do. Those are grown women…..all of them. None of them are THAT naive. None of them are being manipulated, or taken advantage of, or having their hand forced, to buy any books or follow up any man. They are being presented options……and taking them.

    Ok, thats it

    • Raz says:

      Bottom line is the person who gives advice based on his/her checkered past has no credibility. It’s much better to get advice from someone who has stayed on the straight and narrow despite ‘life’ happening, than some old played out player who has done everything he wanted to do, then he wants to sit back and tell women what ‘he’ thinks they ought to know, based on his’ mistakes. Nope. No credibility.

  7. Lyndon says:

    I’ve been saying most of what you wrote for a long time. All it normally takes is a dominant/ prominent male figure to capture the ear of many black women. I’ve never been able to fully understand why until I looked at the very women being suckered.

    The profile tends to be the same. Many grew up fatherless or lacked a serious emotional connection with the supposed leading man in their lives. When “pastor” or guys like Harvey speak they listen. These same women for some reason have a severe distrust for other women. Simply cannot get along with other women. And from this, something very horrifying is taking place. Black women are slowly becoming invisible people.

    Men like Harvey, who also grew up fatherless, take the diction, charm and disposition of preachers and simply hand out wuf tickets to get what they want. From the pulpit mic to the radio mic, women are being emotionally abused and victimized and don’t even know it. If they were not afraid of the “real” truth (Which is in every line you write) real progress would see the light of day.

    My father was a preacher so I know intimately the games ministers play to get the congregation in their grasp. And honestly, saying the truth is not part of the equation. Most of these guys are grade A narcissists and con artists. Unfortunately, the very women they swindle are suffering from serious emotional scarring so they are vulnerable and easy prey- many black folk are.

    I believe the real work that needs to be done in he black community has nothing to do with changing people around you, it starts with facing your past with integrity and courage.

    I pray you to continue sharing your wisdom.

  8. Raz says:

    Black women need to stop investing 100% of themselves into these men. Use their time/energy/money to invest in themselves. These pimps have this sense of entitlement that a woman is ‘supposed to do that’. She is supposed to ‘cater to her man’. Then the man uses up all of her resources and leaves her high and dry. Black men are notorious for this BS. They come to a woman raggedy with nothing but promise,talk and dreams and he expects her to sacrifice herself to fulfill ‘his dreams’.
    Years later after he has drained her dry, he bounces. Black women STOP!

    • Terry says:

      I agree, that happened to me more than once, it happened to me again in 2008, I left the horrible situation but he, some of his girlfriends, and many other females, including men of all cultures, his relatives, and some of my relatives support him in his contiuning explioting, stalking, and aggravatingly harrassing me, while he is striving to get me jailed for something. This man is supporting previous men who raped, and other crimes against me and my family. It is a crying shame what they are all doing. And they manipulated certain corrupt law enforcement employees to assist them.

  9. Amanda says:

    What is bothersome is in doing all this game playing, they are actually destroying our people. Why does everything have to be a game with our people. What happened to us uplifting one another? We are talking about people with human emotions, not animals. Then to see someone capitalize on our struggles as black women is insane. We are in a sad state right now black people and everyone is looking at us and laughing at us.

  10. Kimmy says:

    I warned folk not to buy his book……now look this sucka is popping up everywhere telling the world that black women are pathetic lonely creatures who will die alone with nothing but their accomplishments to keep them warm at night. And of course the networks love this crap, God forbid they put melanated people with actual functioning brain cells on television. Why on earth would they want to do that when they have this pussy hound who actually goes on national television dressed like a pimp.

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