The ABC’s of Dating – 10 Tips for Getting the Ball Rolling in Romance!

| 07/16/2011 | Comments (0)

Whether you are fresh out of a long-term relationship and anxious to get back into the game OR scared out of your mind at the mere thought of dating and hiding out at home, I have terrific information for you!

#1 What Does It Mean To “Date”?

Dating simply means time you set apart from your insanely busy schedule to spend time with another person. Your goal? To get to know another person better – that’s it! A date may be as simple as a half-hour walk through the park, or as complex as a ski weekend. But you are still “on a date.” Every setting allows you to share more of yourself and see a bit more about your dates. You talk, you laugh, share a meal or drinks, or engage in joint entertainment activities like bowling, a sporting event, or a concert.

#2 I Can’t Seem To Find Anyone To Date?

First thing you have to do is stop hiding out at home in fear. Dating takes courage. You have to get in the game to win it, which requires that you make yourself vulnerable and risk rejection. You must be willing to be seen for who and what you are. Yup your fat rolls, double chins, your boney legs, the big nose you hate, your balding spot, acne, all that. Never think that love is out there only for “perfect” people. You might not be perfect, but you are perfect for someone!

#3 Where Do I Go To Meet Other Singles?

There is no ONE place to go to meet a wife or husband. If there were, don’t you think every single looking for a love connection would already be there? Sporting events are great places to find someone you have something in common with. Health clubs, Karaoke bars (whether you can sing or not, its fun!), parties and dances, lectures. book readings, college campuses and adult education courses are also great places to interact with other singles. Internet dating is extremely popular as well, along with chat rooms. My favorite though is to ask friends or family for a fix-up. They know you and usually do a good job matching you up with someone you can at least stand.

#4 What Are Good Things To Talk About On Early Dates?

The weather, things going on around you right where you are, friends you may have in common, things going on in the news. Strange stories (humor or oddball) that you read about on the web or in a newspaper are great conversation fodder. Social issues such as books, movies, musicians, clothing styles, favorite music, actors, etc. are always favorites. Funny stories about your childhood, friends or work that happened recently can be shared. What you do for fun outside of work is a great topic as well.

#5 What Are Things You Should Never Talk About On Early Dates?

Politics, immigration reform, abortion, police brutality, terrorists, and religion are topics that are all best avoided in early dating. Too controversial…might start a war or something. Don’t tell your date you talked about him to your mother. Avoid bashing the opposite sex because you are angry at your ex for dumping you. Really, let’s avoid talking about exes at all. If you feel the urge to talk about him or her, that means you are THINKING about him or her which is not at all interesting or flattering to your date.

You also want to avoid talking about sex. Nobody cares how long it’s been for you. That is a PERSONAL problem. Don’t talk about your drinking or drug problem, your child custody drama, your bad health, bankruptcy, DUIs or multiple ex-husbands or wives. Saying you think you are already falling in love is inappropriate and will be viewed as insincere, so don’t waste your time. And don’t say a word about marriage or the children you dream of having.

You don’t ask personal questions that are really none of your business like how much $$ someone makes. You also don’t yak on your cell phone during a date. How rude is that? Give your date your full attention.


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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