The ABC’s of Dating – 10 Tips for Getting the Ball Rolling in Romance!

| 07/16/2011 | Comments (0)

#6 Should Women Ask Men Out?

I’m on the fence with that one. However I do think that fear of rejection has made many men afraid to approach women. Therefore, women should always make the first move on a guy they are interested in. Take care that your approach is subtle and friendly, not an overt sexual invitation. Go up to the guy you find intriguing and talk about something funny or interesting. He will find you fascinating and friendly and when he feels confident that you are into him, he’ll take it from there.

#7 What Is the Etiquette Regarding Who Pays for Dates?

Well, who asked? That is the person that should pay. If you date offers to contribute parking, a tip, or to buy a round of drinks, that’s fine. But you should never ask someone out on a date then sit there looking crazy waiting for him or her to pay their half or worst yet, the entire bill! That is extremely tacky behavior and guaranteed to chop a budding relationship off at the knees. If you can’t afford to take someone out on a date that costs a lot of money, put on your thinking cap and find a creative way to make memories!

If you are on the receiving end, be conservative with what you spend. Comedian Chris Rock says there are two sides to the menu – the date side and the “screwin’ side. If you require that a man spend a great deal of money on your date, you are creating expectations that you probably aren’t willing to meet. So be conservative, as lobster and filet mignon are on the screwin’ side of the menu! Always be gracious and thank your host for showing you a good time; avoid bad manners which would make you appear selfish and greedy.

#8 What Do I Do On a First Date to Create Sparks and Chemistry?

There must be guidelines to early dates to get the relationship off on the right foot. First dates should not be more than two-three hours. The very first date should be considered an ice-breaker. Leave them wanting more, not sick of you. Put parameters around your first interaction by telling your date I have about an hour for lunch, then I must get back to the office for a meeting. If you are the initiator, have things planned so you aren’t wasting time driving around saying “so what do you want to do?”

People looking for a serious relationship or marriage really need to learn how to approach a date as just a small block of time spent with someone new. Too often they go on a date with expectations and hopes that this is THE ONE, and totally overanalyze everything deciding after one date now “oh I don’t think I could marry this person!” Instead, why not relax and just enjoy the evening? Your goal is to focus on getting to know the other person and enjoying the time you spend together.

#9 Are There Guidelines That Tell Me My Date Is A Loser?

Your date arrives dirty or stinky for the date, keeps you waiting and shows up with no solid justification for the delay. May keep checking herself out in a mirror and putting on makeup at the table, exhibit poor table manners, dress in an embarrassingly revealing way, get drunk or show up for the date high on something. Also on the no-no list: talking about sex, touching you inappropriately, whining about exes and what they did or said, rude and abusive to the wait staff or other persons, placing the burden of conversation solely on your shoulders, insults or demeans you in any way, makes sexist or racist comments, acts arrogant or superior to other people. Don’t feel bad that you are out with a jerk, as things like this happen. But it helps to have driven your OWN car so you can go get in it and leave the fool sitting there by him or herself!

#10 I Went Through a Bad Breakup Recently, How Can I Know If I’m Ready To Date?

You are NOT READY for dating if you fall into any of these categories:

(1) You’re depressed and confused and looking for someone to be a distraction and give your life meaning;

(2) You’ve broken up with someone else within the last 60 days. I hate serial daters that go from date to date getting other people all involved in their confusion.

(3) When you got kicked out from your prior residence and don’t have a place to stay;

(4) If you are unemployed. Dating costs can add up quickly; and

(5) If someone close to you recently died. Give yourself grieving time.

And finally, be responsible. Watch your alcohol intake and make sure someone knows where you are. Sleeping together on the first date is a bad idea. There are tons of STDs to consider and someone wanting to get physical doesn’t mean the person cares beans about you. You expose yourself emotionally, physically and psychologically to someone you know little to nothing about. Very risky and bound to leave one or both of you feeling injured, confused and used.

Date smart, stay sharp and focus on the partner you seek long-term, not just for the moment. Happy dating!


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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