When The Children of Single Parents End Up Dead
Many young women, so desperate for financial assistance and a break from parenting set themselves up to become victims of guys that demand instant commitment. These types of men proclaim themselves to be in love very early in the relationship and often pursue their victim with a vigor that sweeps her off her feet. Watch out for those that want to move in right away, promising to “help you” with bills you are desperate to pay.
Right now you have no clue about how depressed you will feel being stuck in the house week after week, taking care of a baby, changing smelly diapers and wondering where your new boyfriend or “baby daddy” is tonight. You’ll grow resentful at your responsibilities while your friends are going to college, enjoying parties and fabulous clothes, and creating a future for themselves as educated, influential women. You will be left behind.
Make Smart Choices for Yourself
Take a moment and reflect on who you want to be and where you want to go in life. Every young woman can become a shining star and make all her dreams come true! But when you make poor decisions about who you allow to use your womb, you suffer a loss of opportunities and possibilities. When you make impulsive choices without thinking about the repercussions of your actions, your child suffers those repercussions right along with you.
The realization that you have messed up your life and have no one to blame for it but yourself will hit you sooner or later. When that moment arrives, keep your hands to yourself. Shaking, slapping, pinching, punching, body slamming, neglecting or killing your child in frustration and anger are criminal acts. Your baby didn’t ask to be here – you chose to become a single parent when you could have had an abortion.
Right here, right now you have the opportunity to look into the future and make different choices for yourself. Begin by taking the time to plan your life and future goals. Children can be wonderful additions to your life plan, but should always be put AFTER educational accomplishment, career development and fiscal stability. Avoid making choices that will put you on a path to depression, poverty or prison for 25 to life.
There is no need for you to have a baby when you are not married and have no one to help you love, care for and support that child’s growth and development. Children should not just exist, but be born into an environment where their lives are enriched by their parents love and devotion to their success.
Parenting a child is a two-person job best performed by a husband and wife. Why would you accept anything less for yourself or your child?
References
A Coordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: The Foundation for Practice 2003. Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect (HHS), Washington, DC. Goldman, J., Salus, M. K., Wolcott, D., Kennedy, K. Y.
Child Homicide – Review of Statistics and Studies. June 2004. Dewar Research, Compiled by David J Yarwood (www.dewar4research.org)’
Child Murders by Mothers: Patterns and Prevention. World Psychiatry. 2007 October; 6(3): 137–141. Susan Hatters Friedman and Phillip J. Resnick
Child Welfare Information Gateway, http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/statsinfo/nis3.cfm
Child Welfare Information Gateway. www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/define.cfm
Murder of the Newborn: A Psychiatric Review of Neonaticide. 1970. American Journal of Psychiatry 126(10):1414–1420. Phillip J. Resnick
U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect. 1995. A Nation’s Shame: Fatal Child Abuse and Neglect in the United States. A report of the U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Hustler Magazine. Child Abuse in America: Slaughter of the Innocents. October 1977. James W. Prescott, Ph.D. (http://www.violence.de/prescott/hustler-new/article.html)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture
These stories are so sad. I absolutely love your no-nonsense style of laying out the truth. I hope some young woman who is contemplating having a child out of wedlock for the ‘love’ of her life comes upon this piece before it’s too late.
I too get tired of the whole ” a child is a blessing” mantra that is thrown out there. A child is the product of a biological act that all creatures on earth participate in, granted some reproduce asexually. There is nothing magical about making a child, it takes no skills, most everybody can do it. So many ppl are on this blessing trip that they fail to acknowledge the actual work that will go into taking care of a physical being that is 100% dependent on its parent/s for everything, and that will remain in their life for as long as they live. When the harsh reality hits, they start treating their ‘blessing’ like a curse.
Also Deb, these are the extreme cases, many children will not die but will still suffer terrible physical and emotional abuse in these home that will adversely affect them for a lifetime. I wont even touch the pedophilia angle because I can’t handle that right now. But I do hope your sane words reach the ears, or eyes of those who need to receive it.
To all my young single ladies with NO children reading this : PLEASE TAKE HER CAUTIONARY ARTICLE SERIOUSLY!!! she has spoken nothing but pure truth. There will be plenty of time for this later…..get your education first, get to know you, establish yourself, find a loving established, ready mature HUSBAND then carry on……
To all my young single moms WITH children reading this: PLEASE TAKE HER CAUTIONARY ARTICLE SERIOUSLY!!! she has spoken nothing but pure truth. You already have children, put them first and foremost. DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE!! DO NOT PUT A MAN ABOVE THEM. at this point in time, jump on the boat and get an education (read, read, read), there are still a few resources left out there, but time is of the essence. The economy is weak and soon the last of these “freebies” is going to dry up, so do it now!!! Take care of yourself and your child, find a support system that is healthy for you and your child but once again, DO NOT HAVE ANYMORE RIGHT NOW!!! i know what I am about to say is not ideal and may even be unpopular, but here goes. When we have children first, we have to face the possibility of having a hard time getting the good man for reasons she stated above. It is what it is, its frustrating yes but it’s not your baby’s fault. Its also not the end of the world!!! your priority has to be a focus on bettering yourself and your child. It could very well be in the best interest of your child to WAIT until your child grows up, yes I said it WAIT until your child grows up before dating…If you had your child young, say age 20, By the time your child is 18 you will only be 38….You will have plenty of time to get out there and do your thing but put your kids and education first!!!!I cant state this enough.
GET YOU TOGETHER. when we make our bed, we have to lie in it, but all hope is not lost….
I say all of this out of love and experience. Be smart ladies…. Deborrah is the TRUTH.
I am urging all of you ladies to take this article, pass it on, consider what she is saying and take care of your business.
Powerful read. My mother worked for Child Protection for 30 yrs. I know these stories very well. Sad part is there are so many different forms of neglect that no one knows it better than the child being neglected who grows up wondering what the hell is wrong with them. These same folk never learned love and have a hard time giving it, but blame other people. Its a vicious cycle.