Why Men Hate Dating Single Mothers
With divorce rates in the U.S. hovering at the 50% mark, and more children than ever being raised by one parent, the possibility that a man will run across a single Mom are very high. But many men are hesitant to date a woman with children, and have a long list of reasons they feel such a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Recognizing their fears though, single Moms can approach the dating arena armed with knowledge and ready to deal with men’s fears about a ready made family head on.
Here are the top 10 reasons men shy away from serious involvements with single Moms:
(1) You Just Can’t Get Away. You are tied down and can’t just scamper off for spur-of-the-moment romantic dinners, spontaneous plays or concerts, or midnight breakfasts. Spur-of-the-moment overnight get-aways are out of the question. You have to get a babysitter. You have to make plans in advance. And if you can’t find a sitter, or your budget won’t allow you to hire one, his desire for a romantic evening or weekend with you goes up in a puff of disappointed smoke.
(2) You Have Children by Numerous Guys. Most guys accept the fact that our society has changed and that divorce, long-term cohabitation, and just plain carelessness means that there are many women with children in the dating pool. Dealing with one guy about his child or children is usually not much of a problem. However, the chances of “baby daddy drama” increase substantially the more personalities there are involved in the new relationship. Men may stick around for awhile for the convenience such a relationship offers, but few are looking to “wife up” a woman that has that much baggage.
(3) Your Children Are Too Old. Tim is a 33 year old computer technician in San Jose. He won’t date a woman that has children over the age of 8. Tim drew the line after he got hit with that “I don’t have to listen to you ’cause you ain’t my daddy anyway” line one time too many. He acknowledges that many women make the mistake of telling their young sons that they are “the man of the house,” something the young boy may take great pride in. The son will thus challenge any contender to the throne and his power in the household. So for Tim, unless the children are relatively young, he doesn’t want to be bothered.
(4) Your Children Are Too Young. At the other end of the spectrum are men that are run off by a child that is TOO young, like nursery or preschool age. Small children are very Mommy-oriented and require a lot of assistance with everything from bathing to eating. They also require constant watchful attention for their own protection and safety. A man that feels he comes in a distant second to your children may not be so thrilled with the situation and choose instead to date a woman that has more time and energy to expend on him. 
(5) “Are You My New Daddy?” Smart men know that little children get easily attached to people they have fun with. But guys don’t want to deal with that emotional quagmire. Should he decide that you two aren’t quite right for each other, he is afraid of breaking your innocent child’s heart. Many men therefore shy away from heavy involvements with single Moms, and put up roadblocks or shy away from meeting or spending any time with her children.
(6) He’s a Lover, Not a Fighter. Realistically,after a breakup or divorce, children are usually pretty negative about some new person coming into Mommy or Daddy’s life. It ruins their fantasy of the parents getting back together. They may even feel that this new guy is “taking you away” and lash out, behaving in a manner so rude and horrible that you are embarrassed to be his or her mother! Your new beau is not so attached to you yet that he wants to put the energy into developing a relationship with any child who sees him as the enemy.
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Category: Society and Culture
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Dear Deb
You pick interesting topics. Men do shy away from single mothers for serious relationships.
The sex maybe good for a man to stick “around” for a awhile but then the pressure of taking care of her and her kids catches up.
No matter what people say, by default you are the kids “step father”. There is a certain amount of responsibility that comes with that.
Women hate to admit that they need a reliable man when they are single mothers. Their pride won’t allow them to say it.
Honestly. I’m not too keen on dating period. I’m a single mother and I am simply not interested. At all. My life is so much more calmer. Some of these men enjoy fighting so much that they create crisis, and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to make it work; but they don’t want to let it go. They think I have drama so I exist. I just don’t want to trade in the peace.
In my experience, men want you to take care of them like children. So many are looking for mothers. One thing that isn’t talked about much is black men and molestation as children, and relationships with these types can be so devastating.
You have to be so very careful who you allow to come around your family. They want to move in. They want to live off of you. They don’t want to work. They are looking for mothers.
Signed,
One child is enough
Well men need to stop making all these ‘single mama’s that they dont’ want to turn around and date then.
But at some point a man who really likes the mother will make the relationship work regardless of the children. A man who can’t adjust to a single mom’s status is someone that is simply not meant for her.