Why Men Hate Dating Single Mothers
With divorce rates in the U.S. hovering at the 50% mark, and more children than ever being raised by one parent, the possibility that a man will run across a single Mom are very high. But many men are hesitant to date a woman with children, and have a long list of reasons they feel such a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Recognizing their fears though, single Moms can approach the dating arena armed with knowledge and ready to deal with a man’s fears about a ready made family head on.
Here are the top 10 reasons men shy away from serious involvements with single Moms:
(1) You Just Can’t Get Away. You are tied down and can’t just scamper off for spur-of-the-moment romantic dinners, spontaneous plays or concerts, or midnight breakfasts. Spur-of-the-moment overnight get-aways are out of the question. You have to get a babysitter. You have to make plans in advance. And if you can’t find a sitter, or your budget won’t allow you to hire one, his desire for a romantic evening or weekend with you goes up in a puff of disappointed smoke.
(2) You Have Children by Numerous Guys. Most guys accept the fact that our society has changed and that divorce, long-term cohabitation, and just plain carelessness means that there are many women with children in the dating pool. Dealing with one guy about his child or children is usually not much of a problem. However, the chances of “baby daddy drama” increase substantially the more personalities there are involved in the new relationship. Men may stick around for awhile for the convenience such a relationship offers, but few are looking to “wife up” a woman that has that much baggage.
(3) Your Children Are Too Old. Tim is a 33 year old computer technician in San Jose. He won’t date a woman that has children over the age of 8. Tim drew the line after he got hit with that “I don’t have to listen to you ’cause you ain’t my daddy anyway” line one time too many. He acknowledges that many women make the mistake of telling their young sons that they are “the man of the house,” something the young boy may take great pride in. The son will thus challenge any contender to the throne and his power in the household. So for Tim, unless the children are relatively young, he doesn’t want to be bothered.
(4) Your Children Are Too Young. At the other end of the spectrum are men that are run off by a child that is TOO young, like nursery or preschool age. Small children are very Mommy-oriented and require a lot of assistance with everything from bathing to eating. They also require constant watchful attention for their own protection and safety. A man that feels he comes in a distant second to your children may not be so thrilled with the situation and choose instead to date a woman that has more time and energy to expend on him.
(5) “Are You My New Daddy?” Smart men know that little children get easily attached to people they have fun with. But guys don’t want to deal with that emotional quagmire. Should he decide that you two aren’t quite right for each other, he is afraid of breaking your innocent child’s heart. Many men therefore shy away from heavy involvements with single Moms, and put up roadblocks or shy away from meeting or spending any time with her children.
(6) He’s a Lover, Not a Fighter. Realistically,after a breakup or divorce, children are usually pretty negative about some new person coming into Mommy or Daddy’s life. It ruins their fantasy of the parents getting back together. They may even feel that this new guy is “taking you away” and lash out, behaving in a manner so rude and horrible that you are embarrassed to be his or her mother! Your new beau is not so attached to you yet that he wants to put the energy into developing a relationship with any child who sees him as the enemy.
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Category: Society and Culture
You know I don't know if this is wrong of me or not, maybe you all can help me on this one. But, most single black women have never been married in the first place right? O.K., so I think to myself about these women, "What kind of knucklehead would get themselves into the position where they are solely responsible for the well-being of children? Didn't they know how difficult it would be as a single parent. They certainly could not have good judgement. My sister, my mother, and all the women in my family were smart enough to recruit, for lack of a better word, the help/resources of the father of their children and got married to them to boot. What's wrong with these women who seem unable to similarly "corral in" a man or better yet, a husband." I've got this male best-friend who has SOLE custody of two children (one of whom is not even his biologically) from this trifling white woman who cheated on him prior to him deciding to move to Indiana with her and having their biological child. Now, he tells me that he never gets a day off, even when he has days off from work. All I think is "that's what you get for not breaking up with that chick when you found out she cheated on you." I mean dude is my best bud from childhood, but talk about POOR judgement!
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