The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely

| 07/20/2014 | Comments (505)

Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?

Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.

Single Black Females in Church

Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?

An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”Church services in the black community

Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.

The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”

The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”

 

 (continued on page 2 below)

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church

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  1. Garrett says:

    And for those wondering why we didn’t just get married. We couldn’t just go to Vegas or a destination wedding because she wanted to get married in the church and save money for this big reception.

  2. Garrett says:

    I agree 100%. My own personal story is I was engaged to a woman who was heavily involved in the church. To make a long story short we couldn’t move in together because she was afraid of creating the “appearance of evil” by her female peers in church.

    At the time I had my own apartment and our wedding date was set for 3 months later. Instead of moving out of her mom’s house with me she chose to move with one of her holyer than thou girlfriends. Needless to say we didn’t work out. I was tired of her being concerned about how we looked instead of us being happy. But I guess to some women that is more important.

    • Mace says:

      You hit the nail on the head that some of these women are not getting. Guys don’t find bible thumping sheep minded holier than thou religious women sexy at all! Not in the least bit! There is no room for a guy if a woman already has 3 she’s with , The father, son, the holy spirit.

  3. TammyTyme Produktions says:

    Loneliness and the ensuing feelings of alienation from never quite measuring up to “the church”, I believe, is one of the “Top 10 Reasons Why Some Don’t Go to Church”

    I was in church, but after embarking on my own spiritual journey following a divorce from a ‘saved man’, I wrote THE list of qualities I had grown to want in a life partner— for me.

    He is everything I want, wanted and then some. Today, I am a totally different person with a more enriched outlook on life and living.

    All the Best! There are other avenues to Joy!

  4. Deborrah says:

    Picked this comment up from another site where the article was being heatedly discussed. A critic who touted her academic accomplishments as a reason for justifying her criticism let it be known that this article was not academically researched to her satisfaction (though I never said it was a thesis or anything academic in nature!) The responding poster had some really good comments I thought should be shared with visitors to Surviving Dating.)

    Critic wrote: “If one finds a person, object, institution, community, etc to be internally oppressive, then they should deploy their agency to do something else. However, there are some instances where sentiments of both pleasure and pain are derived, for instance film, music, relationships, etc. I try to find arenas where the latter is less or even non-existant..”

    Respondent wrote: “I think this is the crux of the matter. You are projecting ‘your focus’ onto Ms. Cooper. Just because you choose to find arenas of ‘pleasure’ and not focus on the “latter’ pain, doesn’t mean others have to follow your lead and choose to focus on pleasure. Ms. Cooper chooses to write about the negatives that black women experience in attending the church. Suddenly folks are up in arms. Why do we have an ostrich like mentality where we hide our heads in the sand and get angry when someone comes along and rips our head out of that hole and forces us to not only ‘face the ugly; but bring it out into the forefront and discuss it as openly as we do the perceived ‘pleasures’?

    This is the biggest fallacy of religion. Everyone sits around and pretends that there is nothing ugly going on in churches and that it’s not adversarily affecting women. Don’t shoot the messenger.

    Rather than everyone touting their respective degrees and research, let’s focus back on what the article talks about and discuss that. I’m not interested in who got what degree. That doesn’t amount to a hill of beans when it has nothing to do with single black women in churches.

    I don’t see anything in her her article that is untrue. And I’ve gone to churches most of my life and been involved in them. Don’t need a paper to tell me what I’ve lived and what my own two eyes and experiences have ‘shown’ me.

    Let me put it another way for the ‘academics’: There are two kinds of musicians, those who are studied and those who live it and play it by ear. Now when both are on the band stand, do you think the audience gives a shyt (xcuse my french) which is which? They only care about what moves them and what they experience when they listen to these instrumentalists.

    This pissing contest of touting academics, doesn’t change the fact that as far as women are concerned, the male run traditional black church as a whole has done them a disservice and women don’t realize that. Ms. Cooper is ripping off the bandages and attempting to shed light, and all you guys are doing is talking about your degrees. I don’t get it.

    I think Ms. Cooper has hit upon something and is challenging long held beliefs, forcing black women to pull their heads out of the sand, and she is saying it in her ‘plain speak’ not couched in research academia/number, or religious doctrine writings, but just plain no nonsense speak. (folks don’t like that). But I think there is truth in what she says.

    And as Buddhist inspired German Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer says, ” All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

    Keep doing your thing Ms. Cooper, you are upsetting some folks paradigm and they don’t like it so they are coming at you with all kinds of rhetoric. But in the midst of all of this, one can’t deny the truth that is staring them in the face. I know what I’m taking about because as Bird said about music, you can’t play it unless you’ve lived it. I’ve lived what you talk about in the black church. I don’t need to read an academic research article on it. (I will read for FYI) but I most definitely have witnessed this going on on many levels. in the black church.

  5. Joy says:

    I didn’t find this article offensive. Opinions are free–to give and ignore. The church is an institution, and like all institutions, it is not safe from criticism. I’m not saying this article espouses any new, novel, or groundbreaking analysis but if you are going to church looking for a man, you are kind of missing the point any way.

  6. TWD says:

    ” If you’ve been participating in your church for 10, 12, 18 years looking for love and a husband to make your life complete, and you haven’t found him yet, it’s time to try something new. Though the intent of your church leaders may have been good, their approach is not working… you’re still single, still alone, still have no spouse and are still on your knees praying for love.”

    What a shame that the author assumes that women have been participating in church for the purpose of finding a mate. That is not what the vast majority of single women are there doing and that is not what the the church is concerned with providing. The real church is trying to ensure that people are learning what REALLY makes life complete (and if you don’t know already – that is not a spouse). What a shame that this and other similar articles make finding “love” the only important thing in life. If this logic follows I suppose women will be leaving their jobs if they haven’t met any eligible bachelors within the first few weeks. A job is not there to provide potential mates; it is there to provide a salary. Church is not there to offer an ample supply of potential husbands, it is there to provide the path to eternal life – something no boyfriend or husband will ever be able to do.

  7. By far the Best Article on the Black Church and it’s Purpose on subduing the women I have ever read! I myself have experienced the prejudice that the Black Church instills in it’s women and men! I actually address this issue in my upcoming book Men are too Horney and Women are to Smart: The Problem with Relationships; For Married and Single People. In the section Called the Savior Complex! Thx Deborrah Cooper keep Educating the People!

  8. Anilia says:

    Deborrah I applaud you, because a lot of people will not speak out about ‘the’ church.

    For those who are offended and claiming that not all churches are bad, you are still not grasping the point – for the majority of members of black churches (black WOMEN, because only a very small minority of black men that would be classified as eligible attend church), they will not find their mates in church. And because they rely heavily on what their pastors say – doctrines and principles that are not in the Bible they purport to read – they will be ‘praying on it’ and ‘waiting on the Lord’ when all they need to do is look outside of their congregations into ones with men who have the characteristics they look for.

    God didn’t say everyone will be married — but He did say “be fruitful and multiply”. This ‘gift of singleness’ mess is something new that black churches had to devise to explain to their single, lonely masses of black women members WHY they will die alone and childless. How far back does this notion go? Why weren’t our parents or grandparents talking about it?

    Life is not supposed to be all work and struggle yet black women are constantly told in church that they need to work on themselves in order to be ‘ready’ for a man. I could respect these views if they were supported by scripture, but too often scripture is twisted to appease a group who usually don’t question what they’re told.

    Ladies, before you get offended at least LISTEN to a different viewpoint. It could be the information that you need to make constructive changes to get the life you really want…

  9. It's me says:

    This article is retarded. Any chick whose main purpose of going to church is to look for a mate has already screwed up from the gate. Legit church going women are going to church to worship and praise God; not to look for a husband. If they find one in church, that’s just icing on the cake. Any christian worth their salt knows you don’t go to church for mate hunting reasons. How is the church keeping women lonely? As if women fare so much better in clubs, bars, etc, etc. I swear, this article is idiotic.

    • Mace says:

      @It’s me

      What you are missing is that these single women are being influenced on ‘what to look in a mate by male run churches’ These male pastors tell women to find men who (most regular men dont’ meet his godly criteria). Even if a woman is going to worship in church, she is still listening to what that preacher tells her. She is still absorbing ‘his teachings’. He is still telling her what to do.

      So later on, she may meet a guy who might be interesting, but because this guy doesn’t fit the ‘criteria’ as stipulated by this preacher of this church where she attends, she just might pass him on by. I know plenty of women turning down men because they are :

      1. not in church on sundays
      2. not god fearing
      3. They might drink on ocassion

      See all of this type of ‘influence’ is coming from a male preacher standing in a pulpit telling woman what to think and how to choose their mates, and women are too blind to see it.

      So she’ll pass a guy by because he may drink on occasion because some preacher told her that was wrong. Great article!

    • H20 says:

      I agree and disagree with you, It’s Me. People who are genuine about their beliefs go to church for their relationship with God, not to find a mate. I do think that those churches aren’t doing women a favor if they tell them to wait on the lord to bring them a husband…if they listen, they’ll be waiting forever. You can’t be passive if you want to be married. You have to be go where the men are who you want to meet. That said, clubs and bars are NOT good places to meet good men. The only thing you might find in one is a future case of an STD or a future babydaddy. Most people are in clubs and bars for hookups, not marriage. There are so many classier places to meet men. I’m married, but definitely didn’t meet my husband at some cheap, tacky bar or nightclub.

  10. Leigh says:

    I feel that church isn’t necessarily the problem, it’s the people in these churches that cause conflict. No one should go to church just to find a husband or a wife. I go to church to learn and to hear God’s word and to fellowship with other believers . There is nowhere in the Bible where it says everyone is meant to be married, so that shouldn’t be anyone’s main focus.

    I’ve been a part of black churches all my life. And yes, some of the people are a mess. There used to be a time when black churches were the backbone of the community. You even have some churches today that have opened daycares, they feed the homeless, provide scholarships and financial aid for students, and they provide counseling for families. So not all churches are bad.

    Some people treat church like it’s a cult, or like it’s social hour. I can go to church everyday of the week, but if I’m not a decent and strong person outside those four walls, then I’m just playing church.

  11. Linda Smith says:

    I stop believing in going to church looking for a mate a long time ago. This is a great article and I will forward this article to my single friends. Thanks for having the nerve to call out the situation with Black churches and single black women.

  12. Avatar says:

    Deborrah,

    Please explain what category the Pastor falls in? Also, what about men who’ve been in church all their lives? You also suggest that women don’t have any “real” power in church, yet they do all the work. Do you believe that black men are the head of the church or Christ? Be careful, because Christ is the head of the Church and neither the man nor the woman are “in control.” If you’re a christian than you know that.

    God Bless you

    • Deborrah says:

      Pastors are not members of the congregation, so I’m not sure why you are bringing Pastors into this conversation. Men who have been in church all their lives are in that 2%. Women have no power in church because they do all the work. Think of a donkey. It does all the lugging around, but does it have any REAL power? I do not believe that Black men or any man is the head of anything but themselves. The church is just a building no better than a post office, fitness club or an outhouse so no, Christ is not head of it. Jesus Christ spread his message in fields, on hills, wherever. He didn’t need nor ask for a special building to do it, so again, I’m not sure why you make that association. And you should not be surprised to know I am NOT a Christian. I do not believe in religion of any sort and follow no God.

      • MistaMoon says:

        Christ is indeed head of the church, be it the organic church(in fields and hills) or in a building (which pledges to follow him).

        Also if a woman is attending church to meet a “black man” then thats a problem in itself, shes there for the wrong reasons, just sayin.

        God bless

        • Deborrah says:

          You missed the entire point. She is not attending church SOLELY to meet a man. What she is as a single woman doing is hearing from her pastor/minister over and over again that fornication is wrong and that she should be married to a God fearing man as God wants her to be, and to have children as God wants her to. She is therefore doing as instructed by her spiritual leader which hardly makes her wrong, just sayin.

  13. Oh Deborrah, you’ve got bigger ovaries than I do! wow, you hit the nail on the head, and as my friend Gaynelle said, “It’s not just the black churches.”

    I left the Methodist church in 5th grade cause I saw the hypocrisy in it, argued with the Sunday school teacher and pissed off my parents! Great article Deb!!!! Good points!

    When we lived in NC, my 8 yr old daughter asked why we didn’t go to church-that her friends all did..So I said well, let’s go and you can check it out. She picked a pentacostal church her friend went to. It was SCARY! SCARY!

    It was all white, the choir SCREAMED, they didn’t sing, and the preacher was all bible thumping and screaming at my daughter and I to repent etc….I think she was permanently damaged! I had my arm around her the entire time and squeezed her hand and crossed my eyes and made faces to her the entire time to lighten it up and release her fear. I use humor also, to alleviate stress. When we got in the car after the “service” She said, “Now I know why we don’t go to church mama!” LOLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OK, I have to share this too, My mom’s only association with black people is Oprah– and she said, “But where are these young women going to get their support system, If not from the church?” I didn’t even bother to answer… sigh………………… and she isn’t into church nowadays, she see’s bigger than that, but I guess it’s her limited perception of The Black Experience.

    That’s why I am a bridge builder, or at least try to be.. I try! Good work Deborrah! I’m inspired!

  14. Fabulously Me says:

    Wow! There are so many absurd things written in this post. Even more absurd is that people are actually commenting and agreeing. I am single. I attend (and have always) church regularly. I pay tithes. I read the Bible. I am an active member in my congregation. I do this because these things help me grow in faith–not to meet a man. What your article inaccurately presupposes is that all women go to church to find a husband. Not true. That’s not now and never has been the purpose of the institution.

    Its unfortunate that so many people comment saying they don’t attend church because of Pastor this, or the congregation that. Could it be that you were at the WRONG church and it has nothing to do with the idea of church itself? The right church is not controlling, that’s called a CULT. And if you are in one, for sure you should get out. But the vast majority of churches are about uplifting, growing in faith, doing God’s work and supporting each other.

    Someone even opined that women go to church to pass the time until they meet a man only to never return once they marry. Where the heck are these people everyone is speaking about? That’s an asinine conclusion to make. And anyone (woman or man) who would do something like that, had no real spiritual foundation to begin with.

    As far as you saying a real man doesn’t go to church. The one who is for me will willingly and independently go to church. He will read the Bible. He will be of strong belief and faith in God. He will be fully capable of being the head of a household (as he should be) because of his spiritual background and character. If a man has no interest in me because of my faith, so be it. He isn’t The One. I wouldnt have any business marrying him anyway. We certainly aren’t equals (equally yoked as the Word requires).

    You have certainly set black women back with this one, making us sound desperate, needy and easily led. I’m thankful that your thoughts are the exception and not the rule. I pray that whatever happened to you in the church that caused you to write such an awful and disturbing piece, you find peace with.

    • Deborrah says:

      hahahaha! I didn’t “MAKE” Black women sound like anything they are not. If a woman falls into this category, she is making herself sound desperate, needy and easily led, not me. You are still living in The Matrix girlfriend and haven’t opened your eyes yet. It’s all right. In a few years when you are still hanging at church, still single, and still on your knees praying for a man to come and love you, you’ll reflect on this article and wish you had listened.

      Lastly, nothing happened to me personally to make me examine Black churches. In case you haven’t noticed, I write about a lot of subjects with a critical eye. My work as an advice columnist for the past 20 years has exposed me to many different situations and problems of both men and women that I help them to solve; but again, their problems are not mine. Thus, when I tackle a subject on this blog, it rarely has anything to do with me PERSONALLY. Your inability to understand that fact shows how small your mind is and how limited is your vision and scope.

      • Brooklyn Blu says:

        I think this thinking (Fabulously Me) is EXACTLY whats wrong with black women and is EXACTLY what Deborrah is talking about.

        Until sistas stop believing shit based on ‘faith’ alone, and begin to critically analyze and critique the core beliefs of religion, will we be in a constant state of perpetual “waiting”. Waiting on a Savior to come fix us. Waiting on a man to come save us. Waiting on the government to right cultural wrongs. Waiting on the Welfare Check. Just….waiting. When will women, not just black, but particularly, BLACK WOMEN stop handing over so much of our power to male authority (in all of its many forms)?

        Black men like to claim that black women don’t submit, but we are the biggest ‘submitters’ of all. We allow a book, written, interpreted, compiled and propogated by men, to dictate our lives on all levels, even when said book is blatent in its discrimination of us as females, and as black people…”I am black and I am combly”…”slaves, obey your master”, etc.

        We never stop to think why our religion is based on helping us THRU suffering, rather then attempting to END suffering in the first place. We never stop to question why so many of our fellow Christians have jacked up lives and seem so lost in the world. We never study the history of the religion we profess, and claim that ‘faith’ is the only necessary factor.

        We blindly follow any man who claims being “called” to God, no matter WHAT this persons background is, or how he actually utilizes his power. We collude with patriarchy in the shaming, insulting, criticizing and berating of other women’s sexuality.

        We allow ourselves to be told what to do, what to wear, what to think, what to believe.

        We give our money, our time, our passions, our bodies…our everything to an institution that tells us FLAT out that as women, we are the source of man’s downfall, and an agent of the devil… usurper of all that is good in the world.

        We IGNORE obvious discrepancies in the “word” by saying things are being taking “out of context”. We justify others behaviors by claiming that THEY are simply not “TRUE CHRISTIANS”, and are not representative of what Christianity is all about.

        We are judgmental, condescending, hostile and suspicious of our fellow human beings, simply because they dont believe as we do, yet say we are follow a loving and caring God.

        Oh no…black women are the biggest “submitters’ out there. We submit to Foolishiness and Bullshit every day!

        I will be so glad when there is an anti-religion movement in the black community. I will be so glad when black folks start to realize that no one can save us but ourselves. I will be so happy when we start to to the research and learn about the Nicean Council in 325 A.D, or that King James was a murderous closet homosexual with serious issues.

        When we learn about the sexist comments made by Tertullian and other Saints, who helped lay the foundation for the religion they love so much. I will be glad when they realize that there is NO DIFFERENCE between Protestant and Catholosism, and that they ALL come from the same source.

        I will be so glad when we stop allowing men to tell us that we are unworthy, dirty, shameful, lustful and unhuman. I will be happy when we stop teaching our daughters to fall in line, go to church and “praise the Lord”. God doesn’t need our praise, but needs us to exercise common sense.

        The religion of your oppressors is NOT YOUR RELIGION!

        Common Sense, much?

        I feel sad for sistas like ol’ girl above, cause she is waiting to be equally yoked, and she dont realize she is already yoked…she got a yoke around her damned neck, preventing her from looking at the big picture. While she sitting and waiting, the world is happening.

        Oh, but I guess since she supposed to be in the world, but not of it, thats suits her just fine!

        SMH!

        • Anilia says:

          “I will be so glad when there is an anti-religion movement in the black community. I will be so glad when black folks start to realize that no one can save us but ourselves. I will be so happy when we start to to the research and learn about the Nicean Council in 325 A.D, or that King James was a murderous closet homosexual with serious issues.

          When we learn about the sexist comments made by Tertullian and other Saints, who helped lay the foundation for the religion they love so much. I will be glad when they realize that there is NO DIFFERENCE between Protestant and Catholosism, and that they ALL come from the same source. ”

          preach on! LOL! When I learned of these historical FACTS myself, I stopped believing the hype about church and religion. I have yet to meet a black Christian, man or woman, who knows what the Nicean Creed is or how the books of the Bible were chosen to be included as ‘official’.

          It’s funny to me how much people advocate for the institution but don’t really connect with God directly. In fact, a common saying in church (or is it a Bible verse? I don’t remember) is to ‘study to show thyself approved’, but the vast majority only listen and submit, without analyzing the message and who the messenger is.

          I agree with what you’ve said 110%, but unfortunately I’m your metaphorical choir.

    • Baykes says:

      Fabu-whatever,

      I don’t remember reading any such presupposition in the article. This piece “presupposes” nothing of the black woman’s intentions in church; it only addresses those whose intentions would include seeking a life partner.

      I have to disagree with your assertion that Deborrah is setting black women back…rather I believe the exact opposite. Its this kind of radical and progressive thinking that advance the black (or any) woman and I think its sad that for the most part women’s suffrage was enough to quell this kind of thinking and autonomy among women.

      Coming back to the topic at hand:
      The one small piece of irony in your rebuttal I take issue with is that you claim that your only intention in church is to grow and advance your own faith and spirit…which is fine, all power to you, except that two paragraphs later you make this statement:

      “The one who is for me will willingly and independently go to church. He will read the Bible. He will be of strong belief and faith in God. He will be fully capable of being the head of a household (as he should be) because of his spiritual background and character. If a man has no interest in me because of my faith, so be it. He isn’t The One. I wouldnt have any business marrying him anyway. We certainly aren’t equals (equally yoked as the Word requires).”

      see, because the thing is, IF all of this is to be true of your man, if it is the case that you marry a man IF and ONLY IF he meets these criteria, then simply by virtue of your first tenet alone, you would necessarily HAVE to find your man in a church, since you wouldn’t know if he adhered to your requirements if you did not. Even if you happen to meet him in an external place (which is less likely given your high level of activity and involvement in the Church), once you do meet him, the majority of your courtship will be centered in and around the Church, so you’ve kind of contradicted yourself.

      I’m most bothered by your last statement where you appear to claim some sort of superiority over those who don’t share your believes. Skipping the attempted biblical word play you placed in the parentheses (because you’ve horribly misinterpreted that term, and I don’t need to be as devoutly christian as you to tell you that), I pity the believer of any religion or philosophy foolish enough not to carry the smallest shred of knowledge that they could possibly be wrong bout their faith. Plus, I hope your perfect God fearing man can tolerate you looking down your nose at others, all of whom his God teaches him to love as God does. I don’t think the Lord intended his words to be distorted and used as divisive tools…but while you’re on that tip, I’d politely remind you that its that same kind of misinterpretation of holy words that has lead to some of history’s bloodiest wars, that same kind of misinterpretation lead to centuries of slave trade…the displacement of an entire native people from the soil you call home.

      Having the ilk to claim that some one is not equal to you, repeating a huge historical mistake in the name of a God you hold over all, who preaches to love all, and citing his words is the very EPITOME of setting black women back, so you need not wildly throw around that accusation until you thoroughly examine yourself, ma’am.

  15. Glenda says:

    It’s so much corruption in black churches, I’ve lost respect. If one must read the Bible it’s best to do it at home and get your own spiritual understanding. I’ve known churches where the minister was stealing from the collection plate, where funds was embezzled and the members all looked the other way as if nothing was happening. Yet this minister would get up in the pulpit on Sundays and preach as though he was holier than thou.

    I’ve also known churches that would call out single unwed mothers and make them stand before the church and ask for forgiveness for their ‘transgressions’. However they never called out the man who got her pregnant. Their reasoning was ‘the church could never be sure who the baby father was’, but the church had no doubt who the mother was. See the inherent patriarchy and submission hypocrisy in that thinking?

    Any woman who goes to church looking for spiritual guidance needs to find it within her self first. She needs to first establish a healthy relationship with herself. Don’t trust any man to give you what you are lacking from within and this includes religious men.

    And another important thing. Black churches stay in folks business too much. I’ve known couples who go to their ministers in their churches with private matters for counseling and the next thing you know, their business is all over the church. What kind of mess is that?

    I don’t get these big mega churches either with upwards to 10,000 members or more. What are folks thinking? Who’s getting the collection plate from that? That Olstein family in Texas and the Potters house, those are some huge churches. In Atlanta they have mega churches with banks and everything and the pastor and his wife are living like king and queen while folks sign a contract with the church to pay a 10th of their earnings (tithes). How is that helping the individual to get rich?

    Granted some of these churches do offer financial counseling and banking services from what I’ve heard, but with churches having the reputation of crooks running off with the money, I don’t trust it.

    Bottom line, its 2010, black folks need to stop using the church as a crutch to fix what they need to work on themselves inside. Great article.

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