Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Black Community
Taking into account my two decades of work in the advice field working with single black men and women, and after listening to Donna Andersen and Dr. Fran Walfish, the two experts I had on the show tonight discussing sociopaths, I have come to the conclusion that 97% of Black men in America suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That 3% … oooh weee that is hard to find.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
List from http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
— These are Black men that expect to get credit and a title of “good Black man” for doing the things they are SUPPOSED TO DO like work, go to school, and take care of the children they helped make. Love to remind women that there are more females than males, and that women need to get with him to “support” and “encourage” and “nurture” him to greatness. Like to refer to themselves as Black kings and Gods, though they possess no riches or fifedoms, and certainly no magical powers. Those that lie about their abilities and embellish their history and accomplishments my cousin Candace calls “Lying a$$ muhfuggas!”
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
— Thinks they will be the next Michael Jordan, or a big time rapper, or a big time model, and are still dreaming that dream at 35. Believes they have the right to a woman’s body, love and commitment even though they are a verbally and/or emotionally abusive, arrogant asshat most of the time.
Believes that he is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
— These are the guys that went to school and now believe themselves too good to associate with “average” Blacks, even those in their own family. They move to the suburbs and marry White women. These are the type you meet at a party and the first thing they want to do is stare down their nose and ask you pointed questions to determine your pedigree – where you go to church, who you know in Jack & Jill or the Black MBA Association, and if you ever vacation in The Vineyard where his father has an estate.
Requires excessive admiration.
— Wants you to tell him “great job” about everything he does and go out of your way to thank him for helping out with his own children and in his own household. What are you, five? If you tell him about himself, he wants to call you bitter, angry or a man hater. Some will turn around use that as justification for cheating. You don’t have the right or permission to criticize him you mere Black woman.
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his expectations.
— This is where the whole “Black women aren’t submissive enough” thing comes in. In retaliation, they will state that they deserve a foreign woman that knows her place and her role and puts him and his needs first without question or demand. Though he keeps his options open to date outside the race, he rants like a maniac at Black women that date other races and accuses them of abandoning the Black community. May attempt to get custody of children in a divorce proceeding to retaliate against a woman that leaves him, though he has never been an involved or even a caring parent. His chief goal is to avoid “paying that woman my money” or to avoid giving her the upper hand (control of the children). The worst of this bunch are the guys that attempt to hit on a woman as she is walking down the street or in some social setting, or that refuse to let a woman leave a relationship without hurting her. In the former, should she reject his advances, he becomes enraged and strikes out with violent words or punches. Women have died from gunshot wounds and stabbings at the hands of strangers. Moreso are the spurned lovers who refuse to let a woman move on; they kill them instead.
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
— In this category are liars, players, gamers, pimps, and users of women. They call it “spitting game” or “running game” and their favorite targets are women. These are the clowns that bust you upside the head and take the purse of an old woman, or the new shoes or jacket of a child. Always demanding and selfish. Even in prison, they demand that you run up your phone bill talking to them, go broke visiting them and putting money on their books. Child molesting pastors, fathers, step fathers, uncles, older brothers and trusted family friends that violate children sexually are also in this category.
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
— Blames a woman for being victimized by one of his male buddies or any male, period. Even if a child is hurt by a predator, its still somehow the mother’s fault for “not picking a good Black man!” instead of the male’s fault for being a predator of children. Sits by idly refusing to lift a finger to help his exhausted mate or failing children. If he sees a woman being assaulted on the street, he laughs and films it to upload on World Star Hip Hop instead of calling the cops. Intervening on her behalf will never happen. Will refuse to help young people or teach his own children anything “because nobody helped me!”
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
— Have you noticed how many Black men hate on Obama or any other successful Brotha for no reason?
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
— They believe they are superior to women for no reason other than they have a penis. I’d say that fits in perfectly.
As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females, and is thought to occur in less than 1 percent in the general population.
— That is because none of those studies have been done on BLACK men where it would be at least 75% of the population.
Like most personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people
experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s.
— Yeah, because by then they have high blood pressure, “sugah”, need Viagra and nobody wants them.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Deborrah I came to read this article hoping you would open my eyes. I came to your article expecting that you may have had any links to studies or research being done. That is what I expected from you given you experience. But you didn’t provide that. Instead you just belittled me when I was trying to gain more information. It’s very discouraging. Therefore, I’ll o look elsewhere. Thanks for your time.
@Real1 I don’t really write to encourage or change men. I write to warn women what to look for and what these traits mean and why these guys should be avoided. So you see, we are coming at this “problem” from different perspectives. I am not trying to change them. That is for them to do for themselves or each other. However, women with young children need to stay farrrrrrrrrrrrrr away from these clowns. Women who are seeking husbands need to stay farrrrrrrrrrrrrr away from these clowns. They are growing up without those mentors and so are young women. But you don’t see the girls out here raping and killing people, now do you?
TrSeeker Unless I SAID “ALL” then that is not all. If I have a glass of milk and I drink 97% of it, there is still some milk left in the glass. Therefore, I didn’t drink ALL of it. So how you, an alleged learned professional can misstate the definition of a word so clear in meaning as ALL is rather interesting.
Deezy Exactly. Because when someone writes an opinion piece, they don’t need to have scientific studies behind it. All they need is what is called empirical evidence and that is what we use around here – the statements of women who have lived it. To me that has much more validity than anything someone who hasn’t lived it, sitting behind a clipboard can say.
MeghanSymoneThomas SInce its so important to you to have scientific facts, you go and find some that can dispute what I said. Go look. You won’t find anything. But what you WILL find is thousands upon thousands of news clips, video reports, and articles about how vile, foul, deceptive and violent black men are these days. You will find story after story of brutal attacks, rapes, child molestations, child murders and violence against women at the hands of black males. That’s what you will find. Nothing will EVER discount my statements because reality is a muthafucka. Not sure why you folks don’t want to believe it. The truth is there, all you have to do is open your eyes.
MichaelOdom – I am not disparaging anyone, I am merely stating facts as I see them. Again, this is not about me personally. I don’t associate with knuckleheads except online where I have to. If the article doesn’t fit you, why are you so upset? Only hit dogs holler. I don’t go on websites and make post after post whining about women that do crazy stuff, because it doesn’t apply to me. So why are you here again? Oh yeah! Because you recognize yourself and you’re defensive and upset about it. Don’t get angry, just make the requisite changes.
Razzy TrSeeker Notice the word tendencies is different than disorder. I’m delighted that you would be sure that I would be outraged and puffed up however, I have to disappoint – again. Not a Black man. Not a man. I am a Black woman. Not deflecting the behavior. Saying that the behavioral traits of a few do not qualify almost the entire (97%) gender of the Black race to be labeled with a mental health disorder. Oh and anytime you wish to defend ‘the man’ is cool with me. I respect your right to an opinion.
Razzy TrSeeker Deborrah I reviewed the article as it was written – skewed from specific articles, an unrealistic percentage, and the inclusion of the writers opinions that are stated throughout the article.
Did not blame women in general for who we attract. I stated – as you pointed out – is more telling about who the writer has been familiar with and/or attracting.
Attracting the bad boy and becoming familiar with him are too separate states. Unwelcomed attention from the clown is NOT the same as dating or marrying the clown. And by saying 97% – even dropped the 2% – the writer has IMPLIED all. Believing that out of 100 Black men only 3 or 5 are worth anything is something that everyone should reject and get caught up on.
Razzy gfarria This is awesome…keep it coming, Razzy…I’m narcissistic (and sexist) because I’m smart enough to know you two are full of it, can’t prove a single solitary thing you spout, and call you out on your foolishly off-base over-generalizations…dang these advanced degrees and license to practice law….they will be the death of me yet….LOL
Deborrah gfarria Clearly you are just bitter about your own experiences with men. These generalizations are completely foul and unwarranted. Just because YOU don’t know how to find a good man doesn’t mean that some made up percentage of men are no good, narcissistic, etc. As a black man, I am offended and I think it is sad that you, a black woman, feel the need to disparage your own people in this disgraceful attempt at journalism.
Shrug. If I tried I might be able to care a little less than I do now about you being offended about what I write. I write what I want to write, the way I want to write it. You are welcome to write whatever you please and post it on YOUR blog.
EddieJ Deborrah TrSeeker A man who thinks he is better than a woman simply because he has a penis is narcissistic. Narcissism encompasses arrogance. You seem to think Narcissism is one particular way of being without exhibiting traits of other negative personalities. Not true. A narcissistic person can have other personality disorders all mixed up in there with the greatest overriding personality being on of narcissism. There is no cookie cutter personality type that is simply ‘one thing’.
Just like a sociopath can also have personality traits that show benevolence, still doesn’t cancel out the socippathological traits he or she exhibits. Stop trying to parse and get all caught up in the nitpicking.
Bottom line is that black men DO tend to be narcissistic and think the world revolves around them and that black women are there to ‘help them come up, to serve them, to be their “helpmeet’. They get this message from religion. And since religion permeates society, even those so called atheist men still have the ingrained mind set that they are better than women simply because they are brainwashed to feel this way by a historically patriarchal world.
I think this article hit the nail on the head.
TrSeeker Deborrah”While I did not attack you, you seem to have taken my response to your article highly personally.”
Didn’t you make the article be about her personally when you wrote this?
“With such a high number
this article quickly goes from being informative to being more telling about
the types of men the writer has been familiar with and/or attracting.”
How do you know anything about what the writer is attracting? And why are you blaming women for who they attract? A woman could be walking down the street and attract all kinds of clowns and she’s doing no more than minding her own business.
Also, reading comprehension here. No where did the article say ‘ALL black men’. Why are you so caught up on that?
TrSeeker “While I agree with the Narcissistic tendencies that tend to run rampant throughout our Black men, I totally disagree at the stated percentage”.
So what, would you feel better if the number was 50%? That’s still too high of a number. How about this.
“While I agree with police profiling black men and that tends to run rampant throughout black neighborhoods, I totally disagree that the majority of white policemen profile.’
See I’m sure you would be outraged by that and all puffed up with ‘Oh no she didn’t just defend the man’. But see this is exactly what you black men do to black women. You want black women to support you when the ‘man’ mistreats and abuse you, but when you turn around and mistreat and abuse black women, you want her to ignore it and focus on a ‘number’. If it’s 3 black men who are like that, it’s three too many. All you are doing is deflecting, focusing on a number rather than focusing on these behaviors that as you admit run rampant throughout black men. You need to ask yourself why…
Deezy “Now I understand that perhaps I’m ignorant or I’m in some sort of ‘bros before hos’ mentality but please understand one t hing.. I’m a practicing psychologist… I know a little bit about personality disorders”.
You’re also a man first and sexist. This means that you get defensive anytime a woman calls black men out as a collective about the negative behavior they dish out to black women as a whole. Yet had this been about women, I’m sure you would have had nothing to say. Black men are quick to get defensive when you are called out on your collective behavior and you look for all kinds of cracks and crevices to deflect rather than focus on the behaviors as a whole. You want black women to put up and shut up in silence. I for one think you waste your time and energy focusing on the ‘trees’ rather than looking at the forest.
If black men were so great as a collective then that percentage would read ‘97% of black men are worthy partners for black women and only 3% are not, and we wouldn’t even have the need to have this article. It would be a non-issue’ nothing to write about, that little 3% would be miniscule. But see in the black community if you have at least half of the black men with these negative behaviors that black women are dealing with, you need to call them on it. Stop ignoring the majority behavior and trying to focus on the small number of black men who have their ish together.
Your title of psychologist still doesn’t mean you have common sense or that you are not sexist and defensive because you don’t like the message.
RockStarReka
You are a dumb male dominated broad and just because you may not have experienced males behaving like this (which I doubt it, you were just too dumb and dominated to realize it) doesn’t mean this behavior isn’t the majority. The majority doesn’t say ‘all’ but just because it’s not ‘all doesn’t mean these behaviors don’t need to be addressed. You’re another hit dog who has probably experienced narcissistic behavior from some trifling male and you put up with it. So rather than look at yourself and the jikka who had you under his control, you attack the messenger.