Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I recently met this man who moved to my city less than a month ago. I can understand that he doesn’t know many people here but he seems to want too much too soon. He is 38 years old, and has never married (so he says). He is very handsome and has a noble profession. I think most women would be flattered to have a man of this magnitude give them so much attention, but it has been a complete turn-off to me and I’ve noticed some possible red flags.
Within the first week he has managed to call me every day at the same time; had the nerve to ask me who I was on the phone with when he called. He also made some not so kind insinuations about my character. I’ve never met anyone like this before and the thought of becoming involved with someone who is verbally/emotionally abusive, jealous and possessive frightens me because I think it leads to violence.
I also feel strongly that women who find themselves in situations like that didn’t see or ignored the warning signs early on. I don’t want to be one of them, and I don’t know if I am just being paranoid because I know nothing about him or know anyone who knows him. Are these red flags I should be paying attention to, or am I blowing things out of proportion?
Good for you! I wish more women tuned into that inner voice which warns of potentially dangerous red flags, and paid attention to it. Certainly he may be lonely (not knowing anyone), but it is inappropriate for him to want to jump immediately into a relationship and get all demanding about what you do and who you do it with.
His behavior definitely falls into the red flags category. Take your time getting to know him by listening to his stories to see if things match up. Find out why he moved to your area and what his history is from his prior location. If you decide to continue the relationship, doing a background check on this guy may be warranted.
In either case, tell him to back up and slow down. To make sure he does, limit his contact with you to the point that you’re comfortable using work, other obligations, family, etc. as your excuses if you need to.
If he refuses to honor your wishes, make sure you let him know that you follow through with a police complaint for harassment.
Category: Dating Advice