Should Black Women Feel Sorry for Kris Humphries? Hell to the Naw!

On Monday, October 31, 2011 Kim Kardashian said “Boo and Later for You!” to her husband of just 72 days, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries. Though he is light skinned and could easily be mistaken to be some kinda foreigner, Kris is the child of an interracial marriage with a Black father and a White mother. In our world that makes Kris a Black man.

Now Miss Kim likes Brothas, and Brothas seem to like her, too. What I want to examine though is the difference in how Black men view and judge the sexual behaviors of non-Black women to us. It’s very interesting.

With us they are extremely judgmental, condemning – quick to point out to a Sista that your previous sexual partners and lack of education or job automatically excludes you from being considered as wife material. If you are high maintenance, only date wealthy men and always have your hand out, you’re seen as nothing but a gold digging wench.

But if you are a White girl, even if you’ve screwed dozens of men, all is forgiven and no questions are asked. Think about it, how many Brothas do you know that would proudly flaunt around and even marry a Black woman that became famous for making a porno movie that was all over the Internet?

That reality is what makes me ask this very important question: how many more Black men are going to allow themselves to be punked out and made to look like a fool chasing behind Kim Kardashian?

Kim Likes Everything Black

Let’s do a quick chronology of the Black men and wanna-be Black men that she has been involved with. Remember, these are just the ones publicly acknowledged as “seeing each other” as there are quite a few others that were here today, gone tomorrow.

2000 Damon Thomas.  When she was 19 years old, Kim eloped with 29 year old music producer Damon Thomas in Las Vegas. They divorced four years later in 2004. She alleged that he was verbally and physically abusive. He alleged that she was a compulsive shopper that spent up all his money. Hmmm.

2004 Ray J.  When Ray J’s older sister recording artist Brandy was voted as one of the worst dressed entertainers, she hired Kim as her stylist. Keeping things in the family, Kim started dating Ray J.

2006 Paris Hilton. Not saying they dated, just saying they were seen together. A lot. Reportedly they were best friends, but if you notice all the pictures in that era, Kim is hanging in the background, lost in the shadows of Paris’ fame. That would change soon enough by using the popularity and body of a Black man to do it.

2007 Ray J (again). Rumors of a sex tape the two allegedly made began surfacing. Certainly wasn’t a new idea since Paris did the same thing. Kim vehemently denied the existence of any such tape, until the tape magically surfaced on the web and everyone in the world got to see her fake moans and hair flipping while looking directly at the camera. The camera she claims she didn’t know was there. Oh baby!

2007 & 2009 Reginald Bush II. In 2007 Reggie Bush was at the time a running back for the Super Bowl winning New Orleans Saints, but he now plays for Miami. Reportedly Kim wanted marriage and a family and Reggie, four years younger and at the peak of his booty getting football career, wasn’t ready for all that.

2007 Hugh Hefner. No, they didn’t date and he certainly ain’t Black, but she DID shoot a cover and nudie spread in his famous magazine Playboy. She was reportedly paid $250,000 for the shoot. Looked mighty happy in the pictures I saw, though she later said she shouldn’t have done the shoot and that she was “uncomfortable.”

2010 Miles Austin. Are we noticing a trend here? Professional athletes with big paychecks, big muscles and big ..  Anyhoo, athletes seem to be a fan favorite with Kim. She and Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin dated for about four months in the summer/fall of 2010.

2010 Gabriel Aubry. Best known for his role as Halle Berry’s ex-lover and “baby daddy”, model Gabriel Aubry and Kim kicked it for about a month. He’s not Black either, but he likes chocolate, right? Does dating a month count as a relationship or is that just a booty call? Hmmm…

2010/2011 Kris Humphries. Yet another professional athlete, 26 year old NBA player Kris Humphries is four years younger than 31 year old Kim. After dating just a few months, he proposed with a 20.5 carat, $2 million ring. Their “fairytale wedding” was aired on television, and attended by a Who’s Who list of Hollywood and sports celebrities. Married only 72 days, the cash raked in before and during the festivities means the revolving door marriage earned the Kardashians about $250,000 per day. Kris got pimped.

Bell Biv DeVoe Had it Right

That girl is poison
Never trust a big butt and smile
That girl is poison poison

If I were you I’d take precaution
Before I start to leave fly girl
You know ’cause in some portions
You’ll think she’s the best thing in the world
She’s so fly, she’ll drive you right out of your mind
Steal your heart when you’re blind
Beware she’s schemin’, she’ll make you think you’re dreamin’
You’ll fall in love and you’ll be screamin’ dreamin’

Don’t think I am a hater, because I secretly enjoy a woman that has the sense to use the gifts she has to get paid. But I have to call a foul when I see one, and this situation makes me wonder how stupid men really are. How can a woman earn millions a year with no education, no training (other than hair and makeup), no employment, and no real talent? All she has is big boobs, a big butt, and a smile.

I really need to know what standards Kris has with regards to selecting a woman for his wife. A wife is supposed to compliment her husband, have his back, be his right hand, and have similar morals, values and life goals. Where does any of that describe Kim Kardashian?

From what I’ve seen and read, Kris seemed to have very traditional views about marriage and family. Kim does not. Kris wanted his wife to have the same last name, as wives traditionally adopt their husband’s family name. Kim wasn’t interested. Kris wanted to live in his home state and settle down into a life of domestic bliss with the woman he loved. Kim wasn’t into all that, she needs to be seen.

So where was the common ground upon which he thought a lifetime of togetherness would be built?

As is typical with young men, they chose Kim with their penis. Men often choose a woman that makes their dick hard and they want to sleep with her, have her as their girlfriend, fall in love, etc. Nothing wrong with that I suppose, but why the double standard Black men? Why is it all right for Kim to have slept with a dozen men right in your face, made a sex tape and exposed her body for the world to see in Playboy, yet she is still considered top notch wife material by 99% of Black men in America!

Yet, a Black woman can do just ONE of those things, and she is summarily rejected as being anything more than a jump off. Certainly, such a Black woman would never be seriously considered as wife material and she would most definitely not be given a ring that costs close to a year’s salary.

Black men are the most traditional race of men when it comes to judging female sexuality, female attire, and female behaviors. Black women are placed immediately into two categories – the kind you sleep with and bounce, and the kind you love and take home to meet the fam. There are very strict standards that Black women must meet to be considered the latter. Knowing the harshness with which Black females are judged on all counts, there is obviously a real difference in the way Black men judge non-Black females. Is it fair… no, it’s not.

So, I can’t feel sorry for Kris Humphries. I cannot hope that his heart mends soon or be sad that his dreams of happily ever after didn’t work out. Instead, I’m irritated and disgusted. Why did you waste your time and money on those dreams in the first place?

Hopefully when the dust settles, his father (a Black man) will sit him down and explain the difference between love and lust so that he understands what a man should think about when he chooses a wife.

From my perspective, Kim Kardashian is not now and never will be wife material for a Black man. So sorry Kris, but I can’t feel sorry for you. And next time, find a woman whose name doesn’t start with the letter “K.” That’s kinda kreepy, ya know?

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Tags: Damon Thomas, dating black men, interracial relationships, Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Miles Austin, Ray J, Reggie Bush, sexual double standards

Category: Society and Culture