You Give Black Women Too Much Credit!
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
You often criticize men who complain that they can’t get women because black women prefer thugs and criminals. Well, I think those men are right to some extent. If they weren’t then how do you explain all the prison inmates with children? I think you give black women too much credit for being intelligent enough to select appropriate mates. Also, how do you explain the need you felt to write an article about “marriage material” if black women knew how to select mates? I think you also wrote an article about “Stop Giving Criminals Sex” or something like that.
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
First of all, not every article on this site has been written by me. We have dozens of content contributors that share their perspectives on life and love between this site and our sister site AskHeartBeat.Com. Find out who wrote what by looking at the name under the linked title. Unless it says Ms. HeartBeat or Deborrah Cooper, I didn’t write it.
As for the men in prison having children, so what? Are you saying that anyone that is now or ever has been in jail or prison doesn’t have the right to reproduce? That’s very judgmental and negative.
Did you ever consider that they were a parent before they got locked up? Did you also ever consider that if wealthy White men went to prison for the crimes they did, half of Wall Street and the real estate mortgage industry as well as 60% of the nation’s politicians would be in prison? Instead, police around the country focus on young Black men and lock them up for 10 years for the same crime White men get probation for. That’s the reality of our criminal justice system… it’s “just us.”
Lastly, do you think that every woman in the world is born knowing how to select a mate? Do you know how crazy you sound? We all learn (or don’t learn) life skills as we grow up. From learning to read, driving a car, feeding yourself or doing Trigonometry, we all had to LEARN from someone else. I happen to teach men and women dating and relationship skills… that is the sole reason I wrote those articles.
Personally, I don’t think women need to get married. You must have missed the article The Cons of Marriage: Why Women Should Not Get Married. But since there are hundreds of thousands of single Black women that DO want to get married some day, I thought it best to share with them the game they would have to play in order to get the ring. Those that don’t want to play such games have no interest in marriage and happily do their own thing. But help was provided for the women that need help figuring out what men want in a wife, so they can achieve that goal.
Your note implies that men are masterful at choosing wives in comparison to women, and I have to throw the bullshit flag on that one. Men pick women with their penis, and any woman that makes you hard you think is wifey material and an appropriate mate for life. That is how Kris Humphries got caught up with that trifling x-rated movie making Kim Kardashian!
Anyway, isn’t it supposed to be that men propose marriage and women say yes? So if a man doesn’t propose, a woman won’t have a husband. Therefore, placing the blame on WOMEN for being unmarried to a “good” man is not really fair, is it? I mean, if every so called “good” man were married to a woman he chose for her values, morals, kindness, mothering skills and intelligence, then your point might have merit. If more men chose to marry a woman that had his back, loved him, was a great cook, a wiz with money, and made a great partner, then it wouldn’t matter that she was 75 pounds overweight.
Bottom line, men have no better skills regarding choosing a mate than women do.
What I see are the so-called “good” men complaining and holding themselves out to be superior to every other man. You sit back and look down your nose at women, enraged because you don’t have the ability to attract or keep the woman you want – the chick that makes your dick hard. This means such men are, in very large numbers, just as single as the knuckleheads. There is nothing the “good” men do any differently from the fools when it comes to judging, condemning, hating on and hurting Black women.
You just wear a suit and a Rolex while you do it.
MsHeartBeat
Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."
Follow Me:
Category: Dating Advice
I agree with the post and the previous two comments. Black men love to blame Black women and Black male “thugs” for anything and everything. Anytime someone says anything both true and negative about BM in general, the “good Black man” brigade pop up and say its just the thugs. When in fact it is not.
In my experience, the only women who even come into contact with so-called “thugs” are poor women living in poverty stricken areas. And they only date such men because they’re the only ones they know. But these men will claim that bus drivers, plumbers, and white collar office workers are thugs too, if they do anything that makes Black men look bad.
It’s funny how these men never make a distinction between “good” Black women and trifling Black women (Kim K types), publicly at least. They are all too willing to proclaim to the masses that Black women are all exactly the same, when it should be quite obvious we are anything but. (There’s a reason beautiful, thin, elegant and well-spoken Holly Robinson Peete was replaced with a fat, plain-jane loud-mouth, who’s name escapes me at the moment.)
HOWEVER, anytime I am out with my current boyfriend (a tall, gorgeous, Nordic looking gentleman), BM will talk (loudly) about how WM get all the “good” Black women. How do they know I am “good”? We are strangers to each other. I could be a serial killer who just happens to have a White boyfriend. Anything is possible. But BM always seem to assume that I am somehow better than other Black women because I am not with (or waiting for) a Black man. And that, to me, is just plain pathetic. And telling.
Well, this ought to tell you that they think if a black woman can/or only “chooses” (we all know what they really means) to date black men then she normally is undesirable to others. Our validation is based on if others want us, not us wanting them (which I believe should never be professed so blatantly by some black women because that kills attraction). No one wants something out on the table like that. Men are hunters and like to work to get a desirable woman and that is one who never has to state this or beg for admiration or acceptance. It’s given to voluntarily by others.
So ladies, you all need some coaching how how to intrigue a man because some of you are totally clueless.
OMG, I love you! I am that “good” woman described above minus being overweight. If my value was judged by all the right standards, I would never have had to literally run for my life. The sociopath that destroyed his family for his penis wasn’t a thug, criminal or poor(except in mentality). No, I am not a hot ghetto, neck snapping, non cooking, overweight, money spending, primadona or any other usual stereotype to alleviate complete responsibility from bm for their failures. Again, bm use the same sorry excuses for being sorry. Blame it on the stereotypes and remain unwilling to accept what is happening across the collar colors. Bm regardless to prison, blue or white collar, have no reason to destroy our women and children, secretly with the lying and cheating or publicly with the erroneous bashing and blaming. Dating, getting married and/or having children in a black relationship isn’t Russian roulette. Its plain suicide!
It still comes down to one thing no matter what the race… bullies/abusers.
You are so right! When one looks at men as just being “men” : males who do some good things and some bad things, it totally rocks your world. It changes everything once you realize that there are no “good” men, just plain ole men. Men with suits and ties can abuse a woman and so can men with baggy pants and a chain.