Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am a single black female. My grandfather on my mother’s side was biracial. I have always been attracted to the Caucasian race ever since I was 18. Whenever I am confronted by an African American man, I get nervous, don’t want to talk to him or even look at him. I just don’t want to be bothered with him.
I am flatly not interested in dating a black man. I don’t feel comfortable at all. I get along better with the non-black race. I don’t know why. Do you think there is something wrong with that?
One of two things happened: Either you were physically and/or sexually assaulted by a black male at the age of 18 and that fear is being carried over into who you can trust in a relationship, or you don’t want to be black. I’m going with the second choice. That is the only reason I can think of that you would mention that a relative is half white in a letter about your attraction to white men. I’m thinking that you look more like your father and you don’t like it because you wanted to look more like your grandfather. I’m picking up that you have some deep-seated resentment that you didn’t come out looking more like your mother or grandfather – having their skin tone, hair texture, or perceived higher status due to lighter skin tone. ADBRITE TEXT BOX
But you know what girlfriend? No matter how much you run from it, black is in your blood and you will always be considered to be a black woman. All that “I’m 1/4 white/Irish/Jewish/French” stuff that black folks talk about doesn’t mean a thing.
Because EVERY SINGLE African American person in the U.S. is mixed with SOMETHING! We’re ALL biracial! None but those that came over recently from Africa is pure-blooded African anymore. Hell, lots of them are mixed with British blood, Dutch blood, or some other settling race from another continent as well!
You would do well to deal with your fears and shame of being brown-skinned and what you think you are running from by avoiding brown-skinned men. Though you certainly do not have to be attracted to black men if you don’t want to, I think single black females do better when they leave their options open to be attracted to a man for the man that he is, not his skin color. Jerks and assholes can have white, yellow, brown or black skin honey. A single black female must be open to love from wherever it comes, which makes a fixation on white skin exclusively for a black female highly questionable.
After all, being with a white man is not going to erase your blackness, it is not going to change you in any way, it is not going to make you better than any other black woman. Seeking a white man solely because of the color of his skin is nothing but a fetish… its not about loving him as a person.
Even if you marry a white dude, when you wake up in the morning you will still be black and he won’t. You’ll always be chasing something that you can never be, never achieve, never have. YOU go WITH YOU everywhere you go and there is no running away from who and what you are.
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Category: Dating Advice