Strong Reasons Make Strong Actions
"Strong reasons make strong actions." — William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
Did ole Willy have to date? I believe the whole mating thing was done a bit differently back in his day. My understanding is that one’s parents figured out who might be a good match for the family as a whole, then you were "assigned" a husband or wife that you probably didn’t even meet until the wedding day! Kept things simple.
Unless you were Romeo and Juliet, or Othello. Yikes!
Anyway, enough of my musings about love gone awry.
I was drinking my morning coffee and flipping through my mental Rolodex… thinking about the many dates I’ve suffered through, the boyfriends I’ve returned to The Boyfriend Store. In retrospect, I wonder why I ever bothered going out with these folks in the first place. At the time I had very strong reasons for choosing them, I’m sure of it. Can’t remember what they were though.
It’s funny because women in dating relationships often complain that their boyfriends are liars, cheats, pretenders, stinky, uncouth, not ambitious, dress wierd, commitphobic, yadda yadda woomph woomph. They complain loudly to anyone that will listen, but don’t make a move to leave the guy and move on. To me their actions say that these allegedly negative men meet their standards.
The point I want to make here is that WOMEN CHOOSE MEN. If this guy doesn’t show you much affection, spend any time with you except when he wants sex, would rather be with his friends than with you, has dependency issues or creditor problems, but you stay with him anyway and try to "make things work" that is your choice.
So don’t get angry at HIM when you feel lonely, used, or that you are settling for less.
Strong reasons make strong actions. Have you ever considered what your reasons are for exerting so much energy to stay in a situation that you claim isn’t meeting your standards or needs?
In spite of the fact that there are millions of single men and women looking for a loving relationship, we have a real problem connecting with like-minded souls.
Many singles give up and settle for a warm body, just to ease the aloneness for a little while. But again, I think its important to accept that when we make such choices, we must also accept our REASONS for doing so. It’s not right to choose a man then try to change him into what you should have been looking for in the first place.
Neither is it cool to point fingers, or pass the buck, or place blame on him for being what he is…. instead, we must start assuming complete and total responsibility for the people we bring into our lives.
So now we arrive at the Question of the Day: What is the reason a woman would choose one emotionally distant, non-committal player after another? Especially when she claims to want a long-term relationship on the fast track to marriage?
I have a few theories.
But right now my stomach is growling. Thus, I have a strong reason to get up from this computer and take any action necessary to get some breakfast.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder, Women's Issues
