Why Black Women Should Never Submit to Black Men

. 09/26/2011 . 37 Comments

Black women throughout the U.S. want to marry while it seems that Black men find every excuse in the book to avoid matrimony. Black men, seeking to make their lack of commitment the fault of females, enjoy taunting Black women with their alleged unsuitability for being “wifed up.”

One of the top reasons provided as justification for avoiding long-term commitment and marriage is that “Black women don’t know how to be wives. Y’all are TOO independent and don’t know how to step back and let your man lead. You modern Black women refuse to submit to your man! That’s why you aren’t married!”

After hearing those words for the bazillionth time, and looking at the high numbers of single Black women, I wondered why Black men are so focused on having control of Black women. And why would a Black woman submit anyway? Sure, I understand that female submission is a Biblical concept, but have any of the people espousing its practice ever stopped to consider its origination and purpose?

So I asked this question: “for all the men and women that believe a woman must submit to her man and allow him to lead her, I was wondering if you could explain two things to me: (1) why you believe that is the recipe for long-term relationship success; and (2) what is it that you perceive to be the key benefits of submitting for the female?  What benefit does submitting to her husband bring to the woman and her life?

Bottom line – how does “submitting” to a man improve a woman’s existence?

Think about it: why would a Black woman in 2011 do anything with her life that was mandated and written by control freak men thousands of years ago when women couldn’t work, read, travel alone, write, own property, inherit property or money, vote, or even decide what to cook for dinner unless their husband was involved?

It’s amazing to me how Black people conveniently take one part of the Bible and hold it up as the Gold Standard for marital bliss, but don’t follow the rest of the teachings that would impact their relationships.  Chiefly, not breaking two of The Ten Commandments by fornicating before marriage and committing adultery after marriage.  I thought it interesting that Black men and women do both of those all the time, but overlook those behavioral standards in favor of a woman allowing herself to be controlled by a man just because they are married!

Personally, I think the Bible and everything in it is bullshit, especially when it concerns female submission to men. Men, however, argue vehemently in favor of submission:

Mr. M.S.:  Ms. Deborrah that is so taken out of context. A man and a woman should submit to each together-as the Good Book says. But a man being the head doesn’t mean a woman is the tail. A good man (not every man) should be the head because it really makes sense. I never thought about it until I was in a relationship. A man is the head because he should bear the ultimate responsibility. I cant protect a woman, take a bullet for a woman, give my money to a woman if I am not the head. I guess if a man were to rob the house, I should tell the wife to go handle that while I wait in the room. I guess if the bills are do and we are about to get evicted the wife should go out and beg. If someone has to die, should it be I or the wife?

A few years back and man and his family were stranded in 20 below temperature, the man went left his wife and family in the car, he walked and walked until he died. A day later the police found the man and followed the trail he left until they found his wife and kids alive! You might say that was just a man, i say it was man acting as the head of his family. We all know that a woman has emotions that can be good and could be bad. A man or a man that has learned to discipline will be able to deal with his wife emotions.

I can attest that many of the woman I know would have made terrible mistakes based on emotion (problems with family members, friends, and others), a man should be able to be the voice of reason for his woman-when needed. That being said a woman’s submission is based on his submission to her and God. I have no problem submitting to a Godly woman because I know she will tell me what is best. That means being honest, faithful, raising the kids, and doing anything that makes her happy. Submission is a two-way street, but it is often taken out of spiritual context and used to subjugate women.

Leadership is not rule-ship. A man is built to protect his family. A woman is too. But as a man I must lead with my action. A woman can lead but never with the same effectiveness as a man. From an evolutionary perspective a woman cannot match a man sexual energy, his ability to procreate. Because our environment is not suitable to our natural living, man has put his sexual energy into procreating a more habitable planet. Like all things this comes with some cost, but the benefit is human survival.

It shouldn’t take a woman long to see that human progression is in large part due to mans desire to re-create the world. A woman has the ability to do the same, but not the sexual energy. Thus if women were to lead, and men were to take a secondary role we will began to regress as humans and men will either kill each other or have sex all day, overpopulating the planet.The black community continues to fail in large part because men are not leading the race.

It goes back to mutual submission. Somehow this gets left out. According to Biblical teachings, a husband is supposed to submit to a woman/wife too. I might be the head, but that doesn’t mean I am not supposed to listen to my wife. If I got to clean, cook, change the diaper, give up the money, be faithful, pretty much give up female friends, the club, be home at a decent hour, watch girly shows, and do whatever it takes to make that woman happy. Its really simple, I have no idea why a woman desires what she desires – I am not a woman. I swear cuddling is boring as hell, but I will submit to it, simply because I know a woman cannot possibly understand why I need to be the head or feel like the head, but to be a man I do.

What I find fascinating about this admission is that it is based entirely on ego. A man that “needs to feel like the head” is acquiring his sense of himself, his strength, his manhood by subjugating a female. Though men of a gentler nature may not want to admit it, every single man I’ve ever met that believes in submission also believes that being the leader and taking responsibility means he gets final say.

And when you believe you have final say even in the face of valid arguments to the contrary, that means you are a dictator. If everyone else in the household believes one way is best, but you believe another, you have reserved the right to go against them and do what you want to do because you think that you have ultimate responsibility for the mistake.

 

(continued on page 2 below)

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16 Votes

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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