WTF Are You Having That Nothing Ass Man’s Baby For?

| 08/08/2010 | Comments (14)

As I travel through life, I see an unbelievable number of young women (I’m talking teens and early 20s) with babies.  All these “baby’s mommas” walking around is not cute.  These girls are walking around with no wedding ring in evidence, no husband in sight. Just a mom and a baby – or two or three children. And I watch those scenes in horrified amazement and wonder…


Why is it that so many females are willing to sacrifice their lives, futures, education and opportunities for advancement and growth just to breed and have some fool’s child?  Are these girls just naive and romantically hopeful? Suffering from low self esteem perhaps? Hoping for a family and love they didn’t have while growing up maybe? Or are they just plain stupid?

I’m sure the reason for having the baby vary widely in each case, but the end result is the same.  Another young woman will be struggling financially to support herself AND a child before she has really established herself as independent.

Another young woman will have to drop out of school to get a job because she has a baby to support.  Only a tiny fraction of the children of college educated women are born outside of marriage, while very high percentages are born to women with a high school education or less.

Another young woman will have to sacrifice her dreams of travel and fun with her friends because now she is a parent.  Child Protective Services has been called and parents prosecuted for leaving their children alone while they try to get their party on.

Another young woman has effectively removed herself from the dating pool altogether or placed herself on the Runner’s Up list with men.  The prime, most eligible bachelors prefer the childless single woman with an education and assets as a mate, passing the single mom by.  Men without children do not want to date single mothers.

Scientific studies of single parent homes (of which 73% are headed by females), indicate that both mothers and children suffer financially and socially.  A large percentage of the children living in single parent homes live in poverty and tend to suffer significant educational and emotional disadvantages as compared to children reared in a home with married parents.  Pattern analysis shows that children of single parent homes are more  likely to repeat their parents’ behaviors…  the male children are more likely to engage in criminal behavior and the female children to repeat the cycle and have children outside of marriage.

Please review the videos below and forward either or both along to as many young men and women as you can.  Young women need to be made aware of the long-term implications of their romantic fantasy of love with a man that ain’t about nothin’.

Your comments are welcome.

No Wedding, No Womb Launch Campaign PSA – September 22, 2010 from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Founded by Christelyn Karazin, No Wedding, No Womb is a new initiative that will be used to help empower African American women to take responsibility for their bodies and say no to unwanted pregnancies through education and awareness. Broken homes contributes to many social epidemics including domestic violence. The campaign will help address many social issues, particularly in the African American community. The campaign launches September 22, 2010 with the support of approximately 100 bloggers across the internet.

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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Category: Women's Issues

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  1. SHEEBA says:

    You women need Jehovah, Jirah my provider in your life and you won’t worry about what comes and what goes or about your neighbors business…and perhaps u all need to have some children and feel all that pain a woman has gone through and the Joy of raising that child…even if the father is not around I know for a fact God will send people in your life who will help u take care of an innocent child…can i get a witness!

  2. SHEEBA says:

    DO U HEAR YOURSELVES LADIES! get real…women don’t go looking to fall in love with a nobody! duh they just do! the daddy might have been gone and these young women just want to be looked at like they are special…even if it is by a nobody! I can not tell you all how many women, educated women as well..end up falling for a nobody! it happens! don’t judge, lest you be judged! leave subjects like this up to God…let God show someone who is looking for love, the right way that they should be loved! Experience is the best teacher! If you want to advise someone, tell them to look to God to feel loved! Not wtf are u doing having some nothing-ass men’s baby! i would hate 2 be your daughter! is that wat u would say to her if she was to have premarital sex and become pregnant…if so u should be shot!

    • I do have a daughter and she has more sense than to go falling for a NAM. God has nothing to do with some dumb ass woman making a dumb ass decision to have some dumb ass baby by a dumb ass chump. That is HARDLY God at work, that is a woman being silly and desperate, just like you said. Notice, I did not say that in my video. I am merely pointing out to women that they should (just as I have imbued in my daughter), place higher value on their goals, bodies and reproductive systems. Women need to do more and think more about themselves than they do men.

      I repeat as I have at least 5000 times – women’s failures are always due to low self esteem. When one values herself highly, her body, her mind and her heart, she will always, and I mean ALWAYS make a decision that is in her own best interest. No compromises on that one are necessary and none should be made.

      I am glad you are not my daughter, trust me. I’d have to be beating your ass on the daily basis for thinking in such a weak-minded way. Because if she should “become pregnant” my daughter has enough sense to get an abortion or the Plan B pill and make sure she is not going to be suffering with a baby for the rest of her life that she didn’t want and that would prevent her from achieving her dreams and greatness.

      • SHEEBA says:

        You don’t want your daughter to make the same mistake that I did! Well let me point something out to you…my mother told me and guess what…it still happened! So just because you tell her something does not mean she will abide by it! You can’t control what the future of your daughter will be…you should lead her to feel loved and address the situations of birth control, but you shouldn’t try to control who she ends up falling for…there are some men who will scheme until they get what they want and play the role of hubbie! and leave the wife high and dry! Life is not about giving out stupid advice like what you are doing…it is about teaching the children what it is right…sex before marraige is wrong…any premarital sex…which makes your whole dating advice letters nonexistant..bc if there wasn’t sex before marraige…there would be no babies out of wedlock! DUH..start with the word of God and not your own dingy knowledge!

        • #1 Your mother is not me. I can’t help that you were a hard headed brat and didn’t listen to your mother!

          #2 My daughter feels very loved. I taught her from an early age about birth control and the games men play, just like my Dad taught me. Though my daughter grew up without her father cause he was killed in an auto accident when she was only 6 years old, I did my best to teach her the things my Daddy taught me about men and the lies and games they play. My daughter (like me) will never be a victim to a scheming liar.

          #3 Sex before marriage is the reality of the world we live in. Many people married after they found out they were pregnant in the past, but sex before marriage has ALWAYS happened. To ignore that reality is foolish. The only thing that has changed over the decades is that there are no more “shotgun” weddings and women are fine with letting men off the hook to raise children by themselves. But if you really thought that the word of God and “dingy knowledge” was so important, why did YOU open your legs and get pregnant before you got married? Shut up with your criticism of my advice since you did the same thing. You have no right to criticize anything heffa.

          • SHEEBA says:

            First off, there are many women, who have fallen for the trap that I did! So calling me out as someone who cannot speak on this matter is not about to happen! I am not a heffa…I am a woman of God, married, and raising two! I am a college graduate~ a skiled RN…with enough common sense to know that the rules of life that god gave out in the ten commandments still abide today! Seeking pre-marital sex is wrong! I did it…you may have done it…and guess what, some one else is going to do it! I am not justifying that women are right or wrong for having pre-marital sex, because as you said they are doing it! Just because people are still killing babies with plan B pills and abortions does not mean that it is right! It is still wrong to open your legs for a man before marraige…that is what you need to be saying, ” Why even open the door for a man to enter your body if you can’t deal with the consequences of not just having a baby, but getting your heart ripped out, having insecurities, losing your virginity, and allowing someone to use you for sex!” If you are a good mother you will teach your daughter that pre-marital sex at all is against the will of God and some man will find her virtue and praise and honor her for keeping her temple holy! You don’t want some man to meet your daughter and become uninterested in her because she is lose down there! Now that would be sad!

    • ashamedanon says:

      Soooo…you just say “oh well, it happens…they can’t help falling in love [correction: LUST fueled with fractured self-esteem] with nobodies? Are you honkin’ serious?!

      We played ourselves — DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!? I can’t–actually, I REFUSE to–wrap my brain around your blatant defiance of logic and common damn sense.

      Do you know how many hours a day I rearrange my life plans because I made this stupid ass mistake? I can forget about dating, much less marriage! I wish my daughter WOULD bring some dumbassed clone of her dad when she gets older! I fell for it all (at 27!) and will never forgive myself! Get it together, lady–real talk!

    • AintMisBehavin says:

      Sheeba, you need to stop trying to tell folks what to do based on decisions you chose to make in your own life. Don’t assume everyone is going to act stupid and dumb like ‘you did. Just admit you fuked up and leave it at that. Don’t assume everyone else suffers from low self esteem like you do and is fukking around with nothing ass men. Some of us never chose to travel down that path. You act as if people are just drifting on a storm tossed sea and lack the ability to know right from wrong and to act on it. Just because you chose to fuk around with nothin azz men, get pregnant have a baby, does not mean you have to judge everyone else according to your sub standards.
      Not everyone will walk down the path you chose to walk. You said you need God in your life,, to help you know right from wrong because as a grown ass woman apparently you don’t know right from wrong without some outside force telling you what to do. Past behavior attests to the fact that you are hard headed and don’t listen. Just as you are hard headed and refusing to listen to other viewpoints in this topic. You’re just arguing still and acting as if ‘your life’ is the only one that matters and every woman will act like you did. Newsflash: Millions and Millions of black women don’t. Now I see why you got pregnant. You don’t listen and then trust to tell other folks what to do.

      If you don’t listen to others, why the hell should they listen to you. And why would anyone listen to some woman who fukked around and was disobedient to her mother and had a baby by a nothing ass man? What in the heck do you have to say that’s worth listening to? NOTHING!

  3. Cynthia says:

    I long for the day when women will start to think their ‘brain’ is the sexy organ’ instead of their vjays’. When women start to value themselves more than what some guy thinks about them. These women having these babies for N.A.M.’S get rewarded in our society because society rewards ‘motherhood’. No matter the circumstances of the birth. A ‘mother’ is lauded like a Saint. Look at Kate plus 8 and that other crazy azz family out there with 18 kids and counting.
    A woman with nothing else going for her and who wants to feel good about herself knows that she can have a baby, even by a nothing else man and feel she has ‘arrived’. She is somebody now. She went from being a loser woman’ to a mother. which is a step up from being a loser’. Doesnt’ matter if she’s a ‘loser mother’ having a kid by a NAM, she in her mind (and based on society’s standards) has elevated herself up a notch….sigh.

  4. Simon says:

    Good article Ms. Cooper!

    I certainly don’t think women should have children with male losers. To see teenage girls and women in their 20s with babies is heart breaking. However honesty is required, losers attract losers. This is why, feminism is imperative for men and women. The education gleaned could help prevent such behavior.

    By the way, its well known that, if men and women complete high school and acquire career skills they will not be poor. This very fact is ignored by many. Education, skills and stable earnings are required to have children and stable families.

    Considering the economic quagmire in America, promotion of vasectomy will become commonplace for uneducated, undereducated and unemployed men.

    • Which is exactly why it won’t happen. When you factor in racism and the economic disparity prevalent in the U.S. where Whites lead everyone, have the best schools, and employ people that look like them over people of color, what you are saying is effectively genocide for people that are already negatively impacted by racism. So Whites keep people that don’t look like them down, undereducated since they have funky schools, don’t allow them equal access to jobs or job training, then give the men vasectomies because they ARE down, undereducated and unemployed. What kind of twisted logic are you using?

  5. Mimi says:

    Thank you for writing this post. I hate that people don’t fully appreciate that there is a difference between men worth dating and men worth having a child with. It doesn’t make sense to me for women to bring children into this world at an immediate disadvantage on purpose through risky and immature behavior.

  6. eLLe85 says:

    I agree Bellydancer, folk look at me like I am a Unicorn because I am not married and don’t have any kids. I do see a lot of selfish people out here having children for all kinds of wrong reasons. I wish the women would realize that there is a whole host of reasons they are here on this earth. Popping out babies is not the end all be all. Religion, tradition, stupidity, patriarchy, oppression, low self esteem, trying to find love in all the wrong places, the list of reasons goes on and on. But at what cost?

  7. Bellydancer says:

    Preach sister preach! I grew up as a daughter of an unwed mother and let me tell you there is nothing cute about it. Which is why I have no children.

    I cannot tell you how many times people have looked at me puzzled when asked and I tell them No, I am not married and I do not have children. They get the not married part but not the no children part.

    Even semi educated women are doing this now instead of waiting to be married not realizing that just being educated is not enough for the child’s well being.

    Some of these chicks are lonely and need to get a hobby or meet some new people.

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