The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
(continued on page 2 below)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church
I agree that black women or any woman for that matter should be watchful and alert when it comes to dating men, but it’s just plain silly to believe that losers on a 12-step program, gay men, and opportunist whether young or old are mainly in the black church. You can find these type of men among any race and in any church of other races, as well as, in plenty men who don’t attend church! Get Real! You’ve got to have and use discernment whether you’re attending church of any race or out there in the world among people who do not attend church at all! People in the world everywhere lack in integrity!!!
Dear Deborah:
This was the most important thing in your article that really mattered to me most:: and that is your response that you said: “And you should not be surprised to know I am NOT a Christian. I do not believe in religion of any sort and follow no God.”
It is important that you put your faith and belief in Jesus Christ! Yeah, yeah these other folks will fail and keep on failing, but not Jesus! There are a lot of hypocritical things that go on in churches and everywhere else, and there are men and women looking all of the time for something and yes there are some dead beat Pastors and church folk as well as that inside and outside of the church, but in all of my living I have never ever experienced a failure in Jesus Christ. I have been betrayed and I was a betrayer both inside and outside of the church. I committed adultery and lived like a whore right before my children. I am not saying this for persuasion for you to believe, but that you might just hear me out on the joy and peace that I have experienced in having Jesus in my life and it taking time to grow into the joy and contentment of having a Savior like Jesus to lead and guide you! You are a great writer and really speak what you have observed and studied, but I would like to challenge you to observe and study the word of God and give Jesus Christ a chance and THEN redo this article based on what your findings were concerning JESUS in your life–and not the building, or the people or the singles and black churches or any of that stuff-rewrite it based on your findings of walking with Jesus and how things look to you then. Give it some time and I would like your response and findings from a Christ-point-of- view.
Don’t hold your breath Yo, cause you will be deader than a doornail. Jesus is dead and can’t save anyone. If you saved yourself, it is because you got yourself together and made it happen. I’m very glad (really!!!) that you are now happy with the person you are and feel “saved.”
But see, if one has never done crazy shit in one’s life, then one has nothing to be “saved” from. And that is me. I don’t need saving, and I don’t need Jesus either. I’m good just the way I am.
Just so you know, I will never write an article from a Christ point of view. I don’t believe that people should depend on man-made religion to guide or power their lives. There is no way I would support or advocate such dependency on my blog. But I do appreciate your statements. Very clear, respectful and I thank you for sharing your opinion here. 🙂
Thank you Deborah for responding to this person this way. Now maybe folks will leave you alone let the truth make them free.
I cound not disagree with you more. Thanks for the article it was good to read another viewpoint. This will be one of my FIRESTARTER conversation items at my next gathering.
Would love for you to send me a note Geena and tell me how the discussion went. Use the CONTACT form and let me know what your discussion group said.
I found this article interesting. I am a single Christian African American Woman in my mid-40s, and I rarely attend church, unfortunately I find that a lot of so called single Christian African American Men that I have dated are nothing but hypocrites.
I decided 9 years ago to become abstainent till I marry, and as a Christian I knew that I should not have been having pre-marital sex, but used to do it anyway. The main men I run across who have a problem with the fact that I don’t have pre-marital sex is you guessed it “The Christan Men!”
I have lost count of how many of them had something negative to say to say, tried to change my mind, or just stopped calling me when I let them know I wasn’t into pre-marital sex. And these were often men who claimed to be Christians and attend church pretty regularly, or at least much more than I do. And I’m not talking about really young guys, I’m talking about men in their 40s and 50s. You would think that a Christian Man would be able to appreciate and encourage a Christian Woman to not be out here fornicating, and to try and live the way God wants us to according to the Bible.
But instead many of our African American Christian Men are turning their backs on that aspect of Christianity and on the Christian women who try to uphold those principals…..Hey if I have that type of self-control that means that I have morals and self discipline and won’t be out here cheating on you if we got married. Instead these Christian men turn to the loose women who will gratify them sexually without the ring or commitment, who are out here just doing what feels good with whomever they wanna do it with.
Why claim you are a Christian when you are out here doing everything non-Christians and non-believers are doing? When a guy tells me he is a Christian I now know that usually doesn’t include not fornicating, a lot of single Christian men conveniently forget about that verse in the Bible. This fact alone has made me loosen my dating requirements, I no longer feel that I should only date just Christian men, God fearing and spiritual is good enough for me.
Dear Folks,
Unfortunately, the black church is a game. Sad to say but true. And the real reason the women are suffering is because they are not as “saved and sanctified” as they claim to be.
The church game is to scream “Jesus” and then when service is over go back to business as usual.
As an educated professional black male, I have lost count of how many sistah’s have openly attacked me and accused me of “not having Jesus”. Of course, while they were attacking me, they were seeing other men and doing “who knows what”.
No problem, because the gaming church women that I have run into are all still single, miserable, and getting “what’s coming to them”.
We are truly living in sad times when black folks are using Jesus as part of their hustle.
From my point of view the article is opinionated, the author tried to describe BM/BW/BC from her experience. I have decided never to allow anybody’s experience help me form an opinion on things as important as marriage or my place of worship. A lot of women kicked against the fact that a woman is a helpmate to her husband i.e. clean, cook, … See moregenerally run a home, it is not a question of slavery but it is expected of a wife to do such. Some women want a nice man but are not willing to be submissive themselves. Take for instance the way a lot of women insulted the BM on that article.
As an African, I will definitely do all the above and more for my husband, it will be greatly appreciated if some women can act as women i.e. allow men spoil them instead of trying to be like a MAN. Having said that, the author made some vital points on “The Black Church” if I were her, I won’t say Black church because all black churches are not the same. I live in London and trust me it’s different from what the author wrote about; again, it’s her opinion.
Let’s be honest, a lot of people are in the church today for selfish reasons. Once we remove that limitation and lack mentality from our system, the world will be a better place. There is abundance in the world including a good black man. I sure love my black man LOL
Every author writes from his or her experience – whether personal or from interviews, surveys, discussions, etc. So I’m not sure why you would make such a statement as a criticism. Those are general facts.
Secondly, we are not talking about the UK honey, we are talking about the US. And what we have going on here is nothing you would understand. The culture in the United States is vastly different than that of the European nations.
*standing ovation*
This article is so real–it hurts. I agree with every single word–and you do not at ALL sound bitter. You sound like someone who has taken control of your life, your beliefs, and your own well being. You do not blame your unhappiness on the black church, but rather expose it for the sham that it is. Christ NEVER meant for people to worship in settings such as the one you described.
Any person who comes the defense of ANY institution that allow the flagrant abuse of ANYONE (especially women) need to have his/her head examined.
I personally have found some very spiritual, well grounded, respectful men OUTSIDE of the church. It’s like night and day. I will never again worship in a black church–if I go back at all.
@Kal…good post. Food for thought.
As an African American male, I have not felt safe in church for years. I have tried going but I find way too many lonely and frustrated sisters in church. And the brothers fit the criteria you described in your article. What is very important for a brother like me is that the community stop asking what is wrong with brothers, but what is wrong with the church. There are way too many people using black men as scapegoats for their problems.
Re: The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
This was a very interesting blog because I agreed with some of the points, but most of them are certainly opinionated and anecdotal and the author reserves the right to express her thoughts and everyone should respect it as such – an opinion.
I am Black, but I am also Buddhist. Therefore, religiously I am a minority within the African-American religious community. I am a member of two Buddhist organizations as well as a Unitarian Universalist. Oft time I attend not one but two different religiously-related gatherings on any given Sunday.
As a man, this is rare, and as a young Black man, it is extremely rare. So I have a unique perspective as it relates to this topic.
(1) “Church is nothing but a building. Black women do not NEED to go to a specific building to be spiritually connected to each other or to God!”
– The problem with this statement is that it is uniquely Protestant in nature. The argument posits that the goal of one’s religious attendance to any ritualistic service is to worship of a deity. Therefore if a person has a great relationship with their deity they shouldn’t be obligated to attend church. This is a flawed assumption because church has less to do with the direct commune with one’s god, and more so to do with the collective socializing of those with shared values, beliefs, ethics, morals, goals, and so on. Meaning that if it were a church of atheists, it would still be church. A church is more than just a building.
– It’s a Martin Luther-like (not the King) stance that church or a religious organization’s hierarchy (pastors, reverends, priests) shouldn’t exist as an intermediary between one’s faith and one’s devotional practices. If that same logic were applied to all the religions of the world, the religion of my upbringing, Buddhism, wouldn’t have monks, nuns, priests, arhats, abbots, great lamas, fashus, rinpoches, senseis, and so on. We as Buddhists are on our respective spiritual journey as individuals, but we still understand and support the wisdom behind religious institutions. For over 2500 years, monasteries and temples have been our healing centers before there were hospitals, our schools before compulsory education, our libraries before the Guttenberg Printing Press, our sanctuaries before there were embassies, our heritage – before there was ancestry.com.
– Therefore, to simply state “STOP GOING” to church because church is a place of truth, is to say that Blacks shouldn’t gather on a regular basis to share stories with one another, invest their time, money, and energy towards a multi-generational institution, or collectively pull resources to support a young student’s admission to college. Though I am not Christian, I believe that this is why people in general attend church and that yes, church is necessary, even vital to our development as social creatures.
(2) “Single Black women are instructed to seek a church-going man, a God-fearing man, a man that places love of the Lord first in his life. ”
– I agree wholeheartedly with this statement and is the reason why I decided NOT to date Christian women, especially Black Christian women. There are too many values-conflict and socialization differences that shaped my reasons for being very selective about the faith traditions of the women I consider as viable partners. More than likely, a Christian woman and I will conflict over the following: sex, pre-marital sex, sin, co-habitation, women’s right to choose, homosexuality, gay marriage, dietary restrictions, gender roles, extraterrestrial life, astrology, witchcraft/wiccan, atheism/agnosticism, religious diversity, inter-religious marriage, lack of detailed knowledge of other’s religions and beliefs, and death/rebirth.
– Religious differences are fine with me, but my experience has been that Black women do place an heavy emphasis on their men being Christian, or at least, me being Christian, and have gone to lengths to convert me. I have gone through a great deal of religious study and have even gone as far as India to become a monk, but she has only been “born again” for two-weeks and is already dictating to me with a pious tone?
– They don’t consider that a lot of us men who are religiously indifferent to them couldn’t care less about the head of their church. Most of us think they are idiots, I know I do. I don’t want to listen to someone preaching from the pulpit who wears alligator shoes or bright suits, eats pork or condemns “sinners” to fire and brimstone. So the statement you made, “there are few men that are going to allow themselves to be dictated to by some other chump – that is what WOMEN do, not real men” is true in my case. Men by nature are much more skeptical of these things as we have our own social qualification system for leadership. Also, most Gospel/Christian music is annoying to me and believe it or not – it’s an acquired taste. I don’t expect them to think that my collection of Star Trek movie soundtracks is music to their ears, but I am not going to delude myself as to think that my musical selections ought to be sung by blue jays in the spring time.
(3) “These church women refuse to go to parties, sports bars or sporting events, or clubs where there is drinking, card playing, domino throwing, shit talking and cussing – you know, the things that most men who enjoy life like to do.”
– That is very general though I see how it will fit many men, I think that abstaining from these activities are what makes a Christian woman attractive above “women of the world”. However, most of the women who do engage in these activities are still Christian. It doesn’t change because they are Christian, it just means they don’t do it as much on Sundays, or on some Sundays.
(4) “Though your neighborhood Black church may hold sentimental value, there comes a time when one must reexamine habits and beliefs, choosing a new path when it becomes obvious that the old one is not bringing you the results you seek.”
– Most of the points made in this article I wonder if the issue is about Black women, Black churches, or Black culture in general. Covered in books like the Miseducation of the Negro by Carter G. Woodson, Blassingame’s the Slave Community, and The Color Purple by Toni Morrison – there are deleterious elements in Black culture that we have inherited from hundreds of years of human atrocities inflicted upon us as slave labor all across the Western world. Is the church not a reflection of our culture as much as some of us would like to think that the Black church is salvation from those aspects of our culture that are habit-forming, aggrandizing, abusive, non-conducive, and just plain self-destructive.
– So I would argue that before we get to the church, we need to examine our unspoken cultural traits that would lead a Black man or Black woman unable or find great difficulty creating and maintaining lost-lasting healthy and positive relationships. To place it all on the church would be like saying that Black women who don’t attend church achieve better results when it comes to securing bounties of love – which would be a ludicrous assumption.
So as a Black young male Buddhist in America, this articles does has its flaws but I respect the author’s attempt to present opinions that challenge our seemingly cultural status quo.
That’s all I am trying to do. Thanks for recognizing that fact.
It is amazing how people get all riled up over the ‘institution of the black church’. The ‘black church’ is an organized institution that is not beyond reproach’. There is a lot of corruption that has gone on in this organization. It’s too bad that it’s members look the other way and allow the people in power who commit these corruptive acts to get off scott free. All they have to do is blubber, beg for forgiveness and the church members forgive. But of course the church won’t see any of that money back that was embezzled.
People who claim to be so righteous have lost sight of the very thing they claim that they are which is this:
The church lives in you, you are the church, not that building. God is a spirit and lives within your body. The church is a social gathering place where people can come together ‘if they want to’. But the church is not God, nor is it required for someone to go to a church to prove their Godliness.
What about those who are sick and shut in and immobile and can’t go to church, are they less Godly? Are they less Christian? So people have lost sight of what the true meaning of spirituality and Godliness is by relegating God to a building and that is WRONG!
God is bigger than that. It’s not a building that makes people want to do right, in fact some of your biggest hypocrites are found in those buildings.
So when this article advocates for women to stop spending so much time in this ‘church building’ and get out and do something else with their social time instead of giving it all to the ‘church building’ and listening to a man tell them what to do, how to think, and live, I applaud that.
Too many women waste their social lives serving a ‘church building’ and a self serving minister who is not concerned with empowering women and lifting them up. He is more concerned with lifting up the ‘church organization.
Women, if you want to read the Bible and have worship, do it at your own home, maybe one night a week. If you feel inclined to give back to the community, you don’t need a ‘church building to do that. There are many organizations you can join. Men need to get off their azzes and do more too.
Then women get out there and enjoy life. You only have one life, travel, see the world, explore other cultures, learn a new hobby, learn a new language, make new friends, do something ‘fun’. Life is too short to be somewhere being pious, all of the time. Have fun while you can before you get too old to enjoy life.
Let those 4 types of men mentioned in the article stay in the church do the ‘heavy lifting and leave the vibrant single black women to break free, get out and enjoy life.
GREAT PIECE Deborrah !!!!!!!!!!
Well said and I LOVED your reply to, what to me is VERY typical of a “Black-church mentality” by Lisarose2 (and others) who clearly are stuck in their way of thought and look at this as an “insult” or affront to their “beliefs” rather than to what your blog is ACTUALLY saying!
Its common to get this type of reaction……the most fervent is often the most insecure and it shows in their language and angle when it comes to ANYthing that seems to “deviate” from the dogma or traditions they rely on as their foundation. Its essentially beating a dead horse but if you reach ONE sista, then its worth it. Your article has caught fire on Facebook so it got people talking in a good way.
A man is a man before he is a father, brother, or Christian or Muslim or politician or Preacher and if history hasnt proven that…then its simply denial and fear….tools of the “instituiton” of most organized religions but not all. Self-righteousness is ALL Over the Black churches and I could not agree MORE with you Deborrah and you too BJB!
BJB that was VERY well said. But alas it will fall on deaf ears of those who need to hear it the MOST! I applaud you for saying what needs to be said regardless of the religious rant.
I believe the reasons many black women can’t find husbands is the fact that they won’t learn how to cook.
Most african american women cannot cook. And refuse to learn how.
Why would a man want to marry a woman who cannot cook? Or make him a sandwich?
You must be young. “Most” women over 35 do know how to cook. But these young chicks have little interest in cooking… I have to agree with you on that. However, if someone to cook him food is the only reason a man wants to marry, he can just hire a chef, or call one of those food delivery services and handle that. A wife’s role is not to be of service to a husband like she is a mammy slave and no woman should sign on for marriage to a man with such a mentality.
The fact remains most black women either cannot or are unwilling to cook for their husbands.
What is also true is more and more women are coming to america from foreign countries (asian, latina, etc.) who do know how to cook and enjoy cooking for their husbands and children.
Which is why more and more black men are opting to marry women from those cultures instead.
This is a major reason why churches across america are packed with unmarried black women on Sunday.
@ Mr. Yakub:
Gosh you are what we call in my neighborhood “simple.” Your standards for a wife are connected with your stomach? Wow.
Mr. Yakub is this same troll who was on the ‘cons of marriage thread talking about black men choose other women because of what black women don’t do for him. Asian women wouldn’t want to be someone’s maid/cook either.
Are you serious? I am a very good cook as I come from a cooking family and it wasn’t if I would be a good cook, it was when. That said, I could not imagine a man choosing me simply for my cooking skills, that is just a small part of who I am. I would hope a discerning man would be looking into my character, spirit, values, morals and loyalty. Cooking skills is just a bonus and not a reflection of harmonious living potential. However, I understand there is that subset of individuals who are simplistic in their desires. If all you want is someone to make you a warm meal or sandwich when you come home then I hope you find that person sooner rather than later.
@ Mr. Yakub.. ‘A troll’ Women from other cultures are welcome to your trifling azz. if all you need is a maid/cook. What woman would want to be stuck with your butt when view marriage as a woman in servitude cooking and cleaning for some dude who doesn’t reciprocate.
You sound like another guy who spent time saying the same mess about black men marrying out because of what you think black women don’t do for you. No woman in her right mind of any race/culture would want a ‘troll with a small penis’ like you. Too dayum cheap to hire a cook or cleaner, you want to marry one and get those services free.
THANK YOU Deborrah for your no-holds-barred talk on the issues of dating, specifically those issues that are of concern to BW. It is so refreshing to see someone writing the words I have thought over and over in my mind!
I have expressed many of these very same sentiments in this article, as well as others, specifically the one about the Black Church and BW. I left the Black Church officially last year, as I’d become very disenfranchised with what was going on.
I was not visiting at a “traditional” Black church, as it was more “contemporary,” but after being reared in the traditional Black church since the age of a toddler, and being literally forced to go by parents throughout life and well into late adolescence, I have become upset and just done with the whole damn thing.
I’m a Christian woman, and I am quite spiritual, but I had to walk away from the church, indefinitely because I felt like going was becoming a chore.
Not to mention, all the BM in the church who tried to talk to me were married or unsuitable mates. WTH is going on?! Yes, I’m single, and no, I wasn’t only going for years to find a mate. I really went for praise, worship, and fulfillment of my spiritual needs, but I also secretly wondered why I couldn’t find a suitable BM in the Black church!!
So, instead of continuing to devote my time, money, and efforts to the Black church, I stopped going. I don’t know when I’ll go back or if I’ll ever resume attending church regularly, but for now I’m just plain sick of the hypocrisy, with many of these pastors and bishops making it their sole goal to go into ministry simply to have access to a myriad of women and who are sleeping with half the congregation (both genders) right under their spouse’s nose. It sickens me.
I’m sick of the tradition, the issues with the singleness among Black women in the church, and also the scams that relate to draining congregants’ pockets every Sunday and Wednesday night just so the pastor, First lady, their 4 kids and 2 dogs can live in a big house on the hill in the gated community and drive a 7 series BMW.
My tithes and offerings aren’t supposed to be going to your wife’s big hat and Indian Remy weaves (this is a whole ‘nother article and discussion). Frankly, these churches are living off the backs of single, hardworking women, and many of these womens forfeit paying their own bills each month to make offerings and donations to the pastor and the church. It is absolutely disgusting, and I decided not to be a part of the madness any longer.
You have the pastor driving a big car and wearing $1,000.00 shoes, yet people are giving their last and they have no way to even get to church to give! They show up in taxi cabs while the pastor has a personal Leer jet! One prominent Black megachurch in this country, I will not name it, but the pastor was quoted by his own security as having 18 cars. WTH is wrong with that picture when you have people in the congregation who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, or who are going from couch to couch and have no place of their own to lay their head?
Until BW get hip to the game these pastors run with respect to money, making them feel they are “inadequate” unless they are married (and married to a “good” BM), and also the fact that the pastor is usually the biggest heathen in the place, the Black community will continue to lapse behind all other cultures in achievement and success. We as a people are deeply religious, and until people wake up and stop being had by these so-called “Shepherds,” nothing will change for single Black women or for the Black community.
The church has done damage and has not done enough to repair.
Thanks so much for your honesty and please continue your expose’ on these important topics plaguing our community and our women. BM can kiss mine unless they get their own ish right. Don’t criticize me for NOT wanting a hot ass mess for a man!! They can go to Hell in a handbasket for all I care! I’m color blind, and if I find a man who ends up being my husband who is not Black, I could care less what anyone thinks. If he’s right for me, he’s right for me.
BM shoulda been on point. Maybe then BW wouldn’t be looking to the other side of the fence. Some of these BM talk so much ish about BW and their supposed attitudes, and blah blah blah. Yet they themselves aren’t worth the powder it takes to blow ’em to Hell. They can read that twice because I really mean that! ha ha
BJB
The Rain–Glad you spoke on it, Brother. I thought it was just me. What she also forgot when she was busy blaming the church’s BS on Black men is that the other women in the church help to indoctrinate more women to the church. They try to do it to men, but only the weak fall for it. As a single man, I can’t tell you how many so-called “good women” get tossed out because the first thing they do is try to pressure men into going to church. If he’s a man of God and a decent guy, leave him the f–k alone about church!!
In fact, I recently met a woman who was with her father. Even he told her what a good man he thought I was. But instead of paying attention to my character and/or the judgement of her father, she began berating me about church. I told her my faith in God was too strong to sit in church and listen to some pimp use trickery to get my money.
Yet, this same woman, who has a good father in her life, started talking about white men as an option because of the lack of good Black men. Sheeeeiittt–she has a hard way to go thinking that white men will be better, but that’s why things are so messed up.
Instead of working on real problems that Black men AND Black women have, too many of these “Sistahs” spend all of their time blaming Black men. This Deborrah broad ain’t much different. They love to lie about having faith in Black men or being dedicated, but they are the main ones telling us we are garbage and the first ones to jump ship looking for whitey.
You and your buddy “Rain” are not slick. I know two fools tag-teaming when I see it.
And I didn’t “forget” anything. I wrote the article that I wanted to write. If you want to write one that addresses other issues, get your keyboard working brotha. And after that, get your butt up and get out into the community and make some shit happen instead of trying to get me to do even MORE work. Knuckleheads like you are always complaining about what Black women DON’T do when you ain’t doing squat but running your mouth. SMH.
Lastly, of course women try to pull other people into the church. That is what people that think they are doing “the Lord’s work” do! They are doing what their Pastor told them to do which is grow the congregation and get the word of God out to those that need to be “saved.” They believe that telling others about what they can find in church is being helpful and doing what “God” wants. But again, who is the instigator for all this? The man… the MAN at the front of the church.
And if you are not one of the four types of Black men I talk about that goes to church, why are you complaining? You make it sound like you are one of the guys I say women should look at that are not in church. I also never said that a Black woman should run to a White man. I said open your options to men of “other races” which in my mind could be Filipino, French Canadian, Puerto Rican, Bolivian, Chinese, etc. But instead of understanding that, you get on here and bitch and whine and complain. Up your reading comprehension skills before you come back here. Learn to do something besides complain like a big ass baby.
You may not want to hear the truth in the words I speak Manofhate, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are true.
You start your rant off by saying that Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in the Black church and Black men.You got at least half of that right.You are proof positive that they have no faith in Black men.The only time most of these “Independent “,”strong”Black women show any concern about a brother is when they are trying to get something from him.I am no “relationship expert”,but I have been married to the same Black women for over 15 years now.For the past 30 years you people have let Oprah and every other down low lesbian and bisexual females trick you out of your natural position in the universe, now ,just like anything else on the planet that ventures out of their lane,you have ran head on into chaos.You think traditional gender roles are oppressive and archaic ,yet this Oprah way of doing things has you confused and less likely to get or keep a good man than your less educated and less financially well off,grand and great grand mothers.You can’t seem to get out of your own way,because you blame everything you screw up on external forces,ie the Black man.You are attractive to turds that mentally abuse you and slap you around,that’s the Black man’s fault.You have a baby by this or those same abusive toads,it’s not your fault.You have babies by two or more mickey fickeys,it’s the Black man’s fault.Your panty dropping and leg keeping closed mechanism is broken,that’s the Black man’s fault.Brothers find your trying to compete with them as would another guy,unattractive and of a man’s spirit,it’s the black man’s fault.A brother is a good cook,likes to cook for you and has the balls to ask you to cook for him is oppressive.A brother was brought up to help his lady clean,iron and help with the children,but expects you to do the same is being oppressive.A woman that nurtures her career more than she does her children is just a man with a vagina.A woman that can’t be corrected is a fool and of little value to herself and everyone around her.Church and clubs are the two worst places to meet a mate.The best place to meet a mate is to go to events and places that you see people that have the same interest as you.Get a hobby (and shopping is not it)such as photography,collecting,etc.Meet people at these places and you will never run out of things to talk about.I school young brothers all the time to not date women with children,women that smoke,smoke weed,love to consume alcohol,like to hang out at bars of any kind,don’t have a hobby ,a library card,that will give up the booty before finding out what type of person you really are,don’t date a woman that has been abused in any way,because unless you are a mental health professional,you are no way qualified to deal with this person.I tell these brothers if a sister turns her nose up at your asking her to help build homes for habitat or volunteer at a shelter,as a first date,she is self absorbed,shallow and not worth your time.Never take a sister to the movies or dinner on the first date,you have not even determined if she is worth your time.A Black man’s time is worth more than money.You can make more money,but you can’t buy more time.