The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
(continued on page 2 below)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church
How sad that you had to waste an opportunity to discuss a serious subject by filling it with nonsensical, repetitive, and stereotypical assumptions about Black Christian Women.
I don’t know what church age you’re living in, but the Black MEGA-CHURCH I attend has as many women in “power” positions as the men. Are you trying to say that Black women who don’t attend church or have no religious affiliation are getting married at a higher rate?
Who are you to say where “men are likely to be found?” I am 33 and have NO interest in re-visiting the bar or club scenes I visited in my pre-Christian 20’s. Of my own choice, I avoid those places because I don’t want to date or marry a man who drinks and parties and listens to obscene music. Sorry if you’re still stuck on that low, low standard.
To my Christian sistahs who read this, there are PLENTY of good men. Do not get discouraged by this absurd, incoherent, and Biblically incorrect article. Keep your life full and active and he WILL come to you.
Refer to response to AF. Tired of repeating myself.
I think you may have visited the wrong church. Your opinion is your own, but why would you comment in such a derogatory way about Black Churches? I met my last significant other in church and he was a good man, just not for me.
We need our churches and indeed we do need to strengthen our minds, our connection with God, but to blame the Black Church on a whole, specifically the Pastor, is really going a bit to far. There is no one to blame but ourselves, not teaching our children about relationships, and not educating and feeding ourselves good spiritual practices, and not being able to decipher the truth from lies such as the one you are telling in this article.
Media should rouse the thoughts of their readers and viewers, but you are not doing any better at strengthening the minds of your readers any more than the pastors and Black churches you are trying to discredit.
Media is not under your direction Jacqueline. Media does whatever the hell it wants to do. Music, literature, poetry, film, radio, talk shows, television, books, and blogging are all separate entities with different approaches. I never said I was trying to strengthen anyone’s mind, so where did you ever get that from? I am merely writing to wake people up to the possibility that they were not thinking about what they do, or why they do it – just going to and fro in a rote manner because that is what someone told them was the right thing to do!!
No one NEEDS a church. That is where you and I differ in perception of what true spirituality is. It does not reside in church. I would say exclusively, but I doubt it lives there at all.
I talk about Black churches because they need to be talked about. With no holds barred, no politeness, no tipping around fearful of God or what the pastor might say. Who gives a damn! Church ain’t nothing special.
A church and the people in it or not beyond examination, critique or reproach. Churches are a BUSINESS, and as such should be put under the same microscope as any other business. You want to call what I write lies because your mind is closed and you don’t want to consider the fact that the lies have been coming from the pimp in the pulpit.
Women hate it when they are told how gullible they are and easily manipulated by their blind, unquestioning belief in what men say and men say that God said! (rolling my eyes)
This article doesn’t give any reasons why the women aren’t finding men. Did you interview any single black Christian men for this article? My church teaches about finances and investment. The more I know about God, the more I grow as a person and the more successful I become in life. I never had a tolerance issue about homosexuals, for example. I’m not here to judge who does what with their life. If a gay wants to adopt a child, that child will be blessed to have loving parents. So I guess not respecting my parents and neighbors, killing people, stealing, and coveting will make me malleable, predictable, and narrow in my thinking and limit my options. I’m not brain washed. If you believe that there’s no heaven or God then that is your belief. Now finding a black man at church, may be a different story than being comfortable with your relationship with God.
The article is not about YOU though Joy and YOUR beliefs, nor it it about YOUR church, which is the part you seem to be missing…. this article is about ME and how I feel about the issues raised.
There are millions of traditional Black churches across the country and of course there are a few that are different. However the majority are just as I described, especially those in the Bible belt. The article also gave plenty of reasons why women aren’t finding men IN CHURCH which is the only issue the article was focusing on. Plenty of people that have never set foot in a church have wonderful morals and values, and plenty of people that went to church regularly are now in prison for grand theft, murder, assault and rape too. That isn’t the issue here.
In my mind the fact you say you aren’t here to judge what people do with their life, but turn around and judge me about mine is typical of the hypocritical confused Christian woman that knows nothing but how to spout rhetoric.
Fascinating article, but very one-sided.
As single Black man who attends church every other Sunday let me say:
1. I am proudly heterosexual.
2. Nobody at my church ever tells me what to do.
3. Haven’t dated a woman I met in church in over 10 years.
4. No has ever called weak, at least not to my face.
5 No one has ever suggested that I need any kind of 12 step program.
6 Players only play, I work and I have no patience for games.
I’d love to have a wife and some babies, but a Brother has criterias:
1 Do what you say, and say what you do.
2 Know how to compromise.
3 Have values
4 Have a waistline (a good butt to gut ratio goes a long way)
5 Have hair I’m allowed to touch
6 Be a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets
You’d be amazed at how hard this is for a brother to find in one woman
My article, my opinion, my blog. Under the circumstances, don’t you think presenting other sides would be kinda dumb? The point here is to attack the other side as being damaging to Black women. Stay focused!
He just confirmed your article. He says he’s a good man but DOESN’T MEET WOMEN IN CHURCH. Women should be able to look outside of the church and even date a guy that doesn’t go to church at all, but they are too brainwashed because the church GUARANTEES that if they marry a man and both of them are devout Christians the marriage will be forever and happy. Then when the shit doesn’t work out, the church throws them under the bus and says “well they must not have really been walking in the word or else this wouldn’t have happened”.
Exactly Sean. That’s all I’m saying!
It never ceases to amaze me how many church going men make the comment like you made in #6, are you a Christian? Why do you thnk you should be allowed to find out whether or not a woman is a freak in the sheets prior to putting a wedding ring on her finger? I really wanna know how pre-marital sex fits into your religion and what bible you are reading…….
Interesting article. This author is also missing the point of the importance of the body of Christ and fellowship and service. But that’s a whole other story… I agree with the perspective. The problem is the black church period holistically. Not just in dating but in teaching social and financial accountability. Leadership not doing much better than their congregation a lot of times. Not just dating but it’s true, you need balance. Can’t be in church 4 days a week and all weekend and expect to expand your network, your worldview, influence society OR expect to meet new people to increase chances of meeting someone.
I could not care less about “the importance” of a dead body and a building full of people looking for something in someone else they should be looking for in themselves and I have not addressed that issue intentionally. Thanks for your response.
This article saddens me and at the same time I am convinced that many people in the church simply don’t “study” the word to “show themselves approved”. Does the female to male ratio not play a part in this?
Ladies hear what the spirit is saying to the church! The bible does not tell you only to be submissive that’s old testament. The new testament (which is where we live now) teaches that we are to submit one to another. Ms. Cooper is what I call a AFBW (Angry
Frustrated Black Women). Is she married or single? Ladies if she is single then why in the world are you listen to her – she has now experience to bring to you.
Pastors are not perfect, they make mistakes and that place you go on Sunday mornings, surprise, is just a Building – you are the church.
Study the word Of God for yourself. Build a relationship with the Lord and I know that he will give you the desires of your heart. Pray for Ms. Cooper, with all that is going on in the church this article is a spear in the lung of the body of Christ. And I find it hard to believe that a child of God would write such a thing. Christ stepped on the scene teaching the “Kingdom” and many Christians today are just saved and not in the kingdom. Yes sure you’re going to heaven but you’re not getting the full benefit while here on earth. Stop going to church looking for a man and go to build a relationship with the Man Christ Jesus. Your faith and focus should be in God and not a mate. God the father loves his daughters and would not have any of them live a life of sadness and loneliness! True kingdom Christianity
is not a religion – it’s a life style that flows from the heart towards others.
Christ says : “I came that you may have life and have it more abundantly”. So, do you just want a mate or the man that God has for you? It’s your choice…
Don’t listen to this crap your heavenly father has the one for you. Are you ready for Him?
S4C
Another man that assumes because a woman has an opinion that he is not used to hearing, something must be wrong with her – she has to be hurt, angry, bitter (black folks favorite word it seems), or heaven forbid SINGLE. SMH. A smart woman would choose to be single rather than married to just anyone sir. Desperation breeds poor choices in men and life.
Keep praying on your knees for your Heavenly Father to bring you someone, and your ass will die old and alone.
FInaly ladies keep you virtue locked away for your husband, stop spreading the wealth around (sex). I am married now for 7-1/2 yrs. I dated my wife for 5 years prior to marriage. WE NEVER had sex nor did we ever kiss – not once. Why because she set in her mind that she was not going to do that again untill after she was married.
Now this was hard for me untill I met her, someone that ment what she said. What this will do for you is filter out the guys that are interested in one thing. Now if that is what you want then fine, stop complaining.
Another very IMPORTANT piece this action added to our relationship was – communication. With no sex we had to fill in the gaps so we talked- a lot. We became very close and familliar with one another. I was blessed and so was my wife with the pleasure of marring my best friend. Now 3 kids later we still have a very close relationship full of communication and lots of undefiled loving good sex. The way God planned it.
Ladies I beg you be pacience and maintain your virtue.
S4C
I must be in the 2%
Your blog is grotesque and misleading.
Now I can’t speak for all the Black men in church, but female readers, I beg you not to submit to this ridiculous and bias article.
There are men like me, who only want to please, comfort and cherish you. I attend church so that I can build and strengthen my relationship with God. Also, to improve my life spiritually.
I’m not homosexual, a dog/pimp, old (27), and definitely not a 12-step loser(I’m an able bodied firefighter with a great family and great friends).
It takes a REAL man to have someone else help recognize his faults, and having the presence of mind to want to improve them. What would you rather have us do? Venture down other avenues such as sex, drugs and alcohol?
This article is based on ONE woman’s opinion. Do not allow yourselves to agree just because you are facing difficulties that have gone unanswered. This blog should not be used as a rubric for judging ALL black men in church.
I truly feel it is highly irresponsible for you (Deborrah) to further deteriorate the minds of many Black women who have experienced setbacks, or heartbreaks (again, I can’t speak for all Black men in Church).
You are driving the wedge deeper between the fragile relationship of African American men and women.
Actually, if you have read the comments on this page, Facebook and other sites where this article has been discussed, you will see that the opinion I was brave enough to set out is hardly just that of myself. It is amazing that you recognize the power that I have. Your response indicates that you fear the ability I have to extricate women from the mental control of men and their churches and their religions that put the foot on men on female’s necks holding them down.
And if you are in the 2% of men I discussed, why complain? You are a unique piece of gold in a sea of fools. Be happy and stop complaining, and choose one of those women and get married.
Hello,
This is a nice article because for obvious reasons, I can tell this is a subject of past experience for you; and that you poured your heart out on this blog and left it for all to see. If it wasn’t for the will of God and his Holy power prompting you to do so, then the true body of Christ would not be able to offer Godly advice, even if it is not asked for.
What saddens me is that you were on point about all of the categories of men. What saddens me even more is, although it is the will of God (Jehovah), these categories of men will one day fulfill a prophecy given by Jesus about the End of ages… in other words, Judgment day…. All these men and women going to church and believing Jesus is the savior but at the same time, conforming with the worldly ways just to satisfy different types of lusts, having Jesus deny them by the way that they lived.. We can’t forget that God(Jehovah) knows all secrets….
Romans 12:2
(2) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Luke 13:22-30
(22) Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he went, always pressing on toward Jerusalem.
(23) Someone asked him, “Lord, will only a few be saved?”
He replied,
(24) “Work hard to enter the narrow door to God’s Kingdom, for many will try to enter but will fail.
(25) When the master of the house has locked the door, it will be too late. You will stand outside knocking and pleading, ‘Lord, open the door for us!’ But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from.’
(26) Then you will say, ‘But we ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’
(27) And he will reply, ‘I tell you, I don’t know you or where you come from. Get away from me, all you who do evil.’
(28) “There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, for you will see Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and all the prophets in the Kingdom of God, but you will be thrown out.
(29) And people will come from all over the world—from east and west, north and south—to take their places in the Kingdom of God.
(30) And note this: Some who seem least important now will be the greatest then, and some who are the greatest now will be least important then.*”
—–
If you are familiar with King Solomon, David’s son out of the bible; God(Jehovah) gave him a gift to be the most wisest man to ever walk the earth, and that ever will.. King Solomon said:
Proverbs 8:13
(13) All who fear the LORD will hate evil. Therefore, I hate pride and arrogance, corruption and perverse speech.
Read the word of the Lord with your own eyes and don’t just listen to it from a preacher, trust in Jesus to Guide you and you will be weeded from amongst the blind and the wolves in sheep’s clothing will be revealed to you if you truly take up your cross and follow Christ.
This is an awesome artcle my sistah! I left the church a couple of years when I woke up from a deep sleep & realized it was a lot of mental control. I think every single sister and married too should take this advice and move forward with their lives instead of being “stuck on stupid!”
Keep up the great work my dear sistah!
I would have to disagree with the statements made in this article,while there are some factual points on a whole it’s WAY to overgeneralizing, it is actually rather disheartening. The black church has historically been a place of refuge for the Black community dating back to the early 1900s when we had no rights, no say, no voice –particularly Black Women so to bash the Black Church in my opinion is a slap in the face to those who have come before us. A slap in the face to the Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott Kings, Adam Clayton Powells, Thurgood Marshalls, Dorothy Heights– all those who were on the battlefield for years and years so we– BLACK WOMEN can even have the opportunity to SPEAK UP and write articles, or enter certain locations or be able to date outside of our race.
Now I don’t deny the fact that there may be some corruption within Black Churches at all because we live in a CORRUPT world. There’s corruption all up in Corporate America, in politics, even in those bars and lounges that you are suggesting so if that’s the case the World as a whole is what keeps African-American Women Single but even then I would not agree with the statement.
The black church or any church for that matter is a body of worship, a place where you go to fellowship and to worship God– no one should be taking on what their Pastors say verbatim. For a Pastor is HUMAN. You don’t go to church to be told what to do and how to do it and you don’t go to church to FIND A MAN!!!! you go to church to strengthen your PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP with GOD!!!!! So perhaps, a few of your PEW results are correct… going to church won’t get you a husband and going to church probably won’t make you more attractive to men HOWEVER, going to church will assist in your personal relationship with God, it will allow you to worship and fellowship with other believers and it will provide you with refuge from a cold cruel world because all negative connotations aside, the Black Church has been and will always be a refuge for Blacks in America. The Black Church will stand up against police brutality and the unlawful treatment of our black men while you sit around and talk about the wrongs of it. The Black Church will continue to raise money and send Black children off to college while you sit around and comment on why you aren’t a christian anymore!!!!
If you want to know why Black Women are lonely and single perhaps you should further your research.. maybe you’ll find it in our obsession with our careers or the refusal to even talk to a man that has not attained a certain status or you can chalk it up to them attending church for ALL the wrong reasons.
And just some facts, there are a countless amount successful relationships within the Black Church.. Going 20, 30, 50+ years strong, equally yolked, happy and content… Not sure what churches you attended or including for your research but women RUN Black Churches as well. I can run down soo many BLACK WOMEN ministers, preachers, deaconess many of which are HAPPILY MARRIED to a man they met during there service in the LORD.
I wish love and happiness to everyone on this string of comments and I hope that with or without the Black Church you develop a personal relationship with God for YOURSELF, whether you believe it or not he is the reason you are so blessed and YES you are responsible for what you become but please believe without Jesus Christ you nor I would have life…… and without the Black Church you and I would no nothing of the rights we have today as Blacks!!!!!
My work is not to analyze every single POSSIBLE reason each and every black woman in the country is single. My work is merely to throw out possibilities that have not been considered, issues which affect large groups in one way or another. I have no need to further my “research” as it has taken place over the past 20 years and I’m quite confident with the information I’ve gleaned from current and former church goers. Obviously the church may have some successful relationships in it, but who cares? They don’t compare to the millions of women WITHOUT such relationships… the numbers are greatly skewed in the other direction girlfriend. So those five or 10 couples in your church that are married don’t mean squat to the 400 single sistahs showing up every week.
Don’t even try to relate civil rights battles with wasting time sitting in a church pew. One took place in the street and in courts, and the other nowhere but in a church house. One affected every single Black American in the nation providing rights and freedoms for our entire race, and one affects only those that wander through its doors and do as the pastor says. They are hardly one and the same. Black churches cannot continue to rest on their laurels and the force they were 50 or 60 years ago. All them folks are dead or will be soon enough. To quote Janet Jackson “WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?” Black churches!? The answer is not a damn thing.
You point to the corruption in government and corporations as justification for their being corruption in the church? Are you kidding me? The house of GOD that you hold so dear and you think its okay that it be just as corrupt and tawdry as any government or corporation, huh?
Well you just proved my point. Christian women don’t think worth a damn.
Your point was not proven at all by my rebuttal. My point in mentioning corruption in these other places was solely to back up my point that we live in a corrupt world and we by nature are corrupt individuals. So no matter where you are or what you are involved in there will be some level of corruption,,, not suggesting that this is okay but it is certainly our reality…..
Perhaps the Black Church has done nothing for you lately because you have written the black church off a seemingly long time ago but for the Black race as a whole the Black Church has and still does a lot. You would be surprised how many families still have shelter due to the efforts of the Black Church, or how many youth have escaped the prison system, gangs, etc due to the efforts of the Black Church. YES!! I absolutely can and will refer back to civil rights battles because while they ended up in court houses and on the streets they were almost always initiated where?!?! The Black Church… dating back to Nat Turner’s Rebellion in 1831 all the way to the Sean Bell protest in 2008/09!!!
So 100 years ago and TODAY the Black Church is at the forefront of social issues effecting our race– poverty, gang violence, drug use, prison, teen pregnancy, racism, etc with ministries that are out in the community, in the court rooms, in the schools, taking a stand–while others sit and write about what they are not doing…. SMH Not to mention, the Black Church is continuing to develop some of our nations greatest leaders….
Christian women think, evidently YOU don’t!!!
..and re: the “400 (single) sistahs showing up every week” that is due to issues/ circumstances outside of the Black Church let’s be real….
The problem is not just blind faith, but the fact that our energies are being channeled towards being the “super duper God-fearing black woman” instead of working on the most egregious war being waged against our black men – the criminal justice system.
This is war against the black family. This slow churning, relentless genocide of the black race in america.
The majority of black men do not brush up against the criminal justice system. Let me say that again. The majority of black men do not brush up against the criminal justice system.
But…
The constant threat and antagonism by law enforcement and even rogue citizens looking for a cheap thrill increases the odds of this happening to even the best and brightest of our black men.
THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
Black women need to wake up and smell the roses, and work to fix this problem, and go after the best and brightest of our men.
And they AINT’ in the church because they face so much resistance in the world that they see right through the bullshit spewing from the jackleg preacher’s mouth who would rob them blind in an alley. Hell they trying to rob them blind in broad daylight from the pulpit!
These GOOD black men are in coffee shops, chess clubs, astronomy clubs, tutoring organizations, golf courses, work out at the YMCA instead of at the meat market gyms, and would love to talk about their bass fishing trips instead of Bible study.
I have been fortunate not to grow up in a dogmatic church going household. My father is not religious, and is a believer in evolution and science. My mother grew up methodist and did not go to church as an adult.
My father’s stepfather was a preacher, and was very mean to my father and his siblings (my blood grandfather died when my father was 4 years old). I think this and the hypocrisy and fantastical nature of organized religion, in particular the black church, completely disgusted my father and turned him off from religion.
So I say to Black women, get you an introverted scientific man whose thoughts run deep. Attend an amateur astronomy club meeting and pretend you like star gazing, and get the hell away from the sunday morning circus show.
You might find out you actually like watching the stars align.
Sincerely,
putting you up on game
Agree with 99% of what was said. there is a fifth category of men in the church you might want to consider: the eligible bachelor who would probably make a good catch has already been predestined or preselected for the pastor’s daughter (according to messages from God).
Love your article.
So many black single, “christian” women have lots of preoccupation with sex and that everyman want them for sex, so instead trying to get to know him, they are only concerned about auditioning for wife role on the first date so as not to commit the “only sin” ever! Fornication! lol
@ Kelly: Regarding your fifth category, you ain’t neva lied!! LOL.
My church is filled with yound black males and females, and many many young black families. If you go to church lookin for a man ur dumb! Church is about your relationship with God. The Bible says seek the Kingdom, and everything else will follow. If you get your relationship right with God, then everything else, including your husband will follow. And if you have a realtionship, different than religion, with God, u would never be lonely; He will never leave you or forsake you!!! And if u want a man that does not have a relationship with God, ur dumb!!!! What morals would he have, how would he know wat is right or wrong, how will he know how to love you?? I’ve actually witnessed more saved people getting married, at a faster rate, than others. People in the world are alrady doing what married people do without the license, so what reasons do they have to get married??
I agree with most of Deborah Coopers remarks not all of them.
Most BW are alone in the church, BM play them, church preys on them for money. When BW talk to advisors and say their praying on finding a husband alot of Black church ask why should God bless you since you not paying all of your tides, offerings or brought appreication gifts for the Pastors.
The Pastors wives are the biggest haters telling BW to stop whinning for husbands because MOST OF YOU DON’T DESERVE MEN! They give a 18 tons of reasons why (too much education, attitude, weight, not silent, hair etc)
Yet nothing is mentioined on BM lack of education, unwillingness to support their children or women. Old players , men who don’t marry, men with OOW kids by different women including those made in adulerous relationships are never mentioned!
Some of the teaching is not to spiritual uplift BW but to keep them in bondage and loyal to BM who are not loyal to BW or chilldren. Some Black churches beat BW down or keep them close to the church to support their own lust for power over the pew! Its more economics than spiritual growth at a lot of Black churches they want BW to pay the bills so the Pastor and his wife/Staff can live well. They coax you to get more money out of your pocket and remain faithful to the Black community while BM do as they please and have no commitments!
I left the Black church some of them bruttally batter their women and use the Word of God to try to control them Why is no one talking about BM behaviors at church?
I left the Black church for many of the same reasons listed in this article and comments. They took from the people that really need the help live in their million dollar homes, drive Bentley’s and BMW’s.
Let a elder BW with cancer need some help, not one BM offers any assitence they send 1 mortgage payment and a fruit basket but there is no support! Ive seen plenty of BW get breast cancer and other major illnessess not get support from their husbands or the Black church.
After the fruit basket there gone if you need their support.
Preach the message! I refuse to support BM who don’t support BW. The blind loyality thats not rewrded by BM has got to stop while BW support everything in the BLK commuity while BM are absent!
Deborah Cooper is right!
Some of you always in the church all day black women need to get a grip!
God made man & woman. God apparently wanted them to be together, so saying that a man is not a good man if he not in the church is foolish. There are many good men out here that beleive in God and walk & talk the ways of Jesus, they are decent men, but they are not in the church every sunday or when they open the church doors.
Some black women take being a Christian and the church too far! They get fanatical, and their life revolves around the church. Many (yes, a whole lot), are in the church because they want to be with the preacher/minister. I once dated a minister of a fairly large church and he would say that half of his female congregation wanted him to be with them! They resented any other woman that he may have dated.
Men are wary of the “preacher” because they see how fanatical some of these women become. They see these women giving their monies to a church where the preacher drives a Benz/Rolls, and lives in a Mil $ home, when they have almost nothing!
Sorry, but I stand by my post. Black women need to open their eyes, and stop the foolishness with these ministers and stop living their lives only through the church.
I am sure I do not need to mention how much “sin” and hatefulness is in the church. Women gossiping about everyone in the church. Women trying to be with, or are messing around with the preacher, women who go to church in hopes of finding a man, not GOD! Women who go to the church just to impress or strut around the preacher and other folks.
And black women, beware! There are men that are in the church because he knows that your are there, more than likely lonely and looking for some male attention, so he is there to prey on you. Usually they will seek out the lonely woman (most times she is fat/heavy/unattractive) who may be a widow, or never married or just needs a man! Usually it will be the woman who has a “good” job, good retirement (usually left by a husband), a home, insurance, and other “hooks” for the black man that has nothing but a game to enjoy. These are the “GODLY” men who will take everything you have in the name of Jesus!
Now, are all black churches and black women that go to church bad folks, no! Of course not! But everything should be in moderation. Once you cross over and it becomes all you have going in your life, then that is not what God intended for your life.
A good man is not always in the church.
Black women wake up!