Knife carrying girlfriend sends chills through his heart

. 03/31/2011 . 7 Comments

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
So the other day I went to pick up my girlfriend so we could go to this party off campus (we are both college students 20 and 21 years old). She wasn’t quite ready so I watched as she put on her jewelery, coat, and then PUT A KNIFE IN HER POCKET!

I was astounded and was like WTF ARE YOU DOING? And she was like what, like she hadn’t done nothing strange, and then told me she takes her knife nearly everywhere besides school and work, I was like WTF WHY? She then she said it was for her protection. I am like what kind of crazy bitch carrys a knife around?

I told her I would not go to the party with her if she tool the knife, she said that I was being an ass! Really?? Me?? I haven’t talked to her since Wednesday.  She came over twice but I didn’t answer the door.  Who knows what that crazy physcho will do next!

The thought that when I have been out with her and she had been carrying a knife just makes me sick, and she is not carrying around just for a conversation piece either.  She said “I would use it if I had to!” WHAT IN GODS NAME?? So I am really confused as to what to do right now.  I thought I loved her but this is like the surprise of a lifetime.  What should I do?

Signed,
Afraid of Pointy Things

Dear Afraid:
I’d like you to log onto the FBI and Department of Justice (DOJ) websites and review the latest stats on crimes against women, paying special attention to the rising numbers of crimes taking place on college campuses across the nation. You are living in a fantasy world if you think a woman doesn’t NEED some sort of protective device.  Rapes, gang rapes, abduction, violent physical assaults, sexual harassment, and murder are common crimes against women in workplaces, their homes, at parties and on the street.

Women are smaller than men, have less upper body strength, and may not feel safe unless they have some sort of equalizer … something to use to even ATTEMPT to protect themselves from harm.

Your reaction was over the top inappropriate and selfish. Nowhere in your letter did you express the least bit of concern about why she was so worried. Nowhere in your letter did you attempt to support her and calm her fears by telling her that she doesn’t have to worry when she is with you, and that you will do everything in your power to protect her from harm.  Why didn’t you ask questions? Why didn’t you talk to her and find out why she felt more secure with a weapon than she does without one? Has she been attacked in the past by a man?  Is she fearful of being that vulnerable and unprepared to defend herself again?

You didn’t even bother to find out what motivated her to start carrying a knife – you just started calling her names and condemning her. What kind of boyfriend doesn’t ask questions and find out what his woman is afraid of? What kind of boyfriend would call his fearful woman “a crazy psycho” instead of identifying with how scared she must be to leave her house without her weapon?

What should you do? GROW THE HELL UP!

If this is representative of the best you can do with communicating with your girlfriend, and the epitome of your understanding and empathy, you don’t need a girlfriend. You don’t have the maturity for a relationship, the caring for her, nor the decency to worry about and support the woman you claim to love. You are more focused on the fact that she had a knife than you are her fears and the reason she has one. You’ve shown yourself to have a marked lack of character.  I give you a big FAIL as a boyfriend.

MsHeartBeat

Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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