The Male Struggle for Control of Female Sexuality

. 09/29/2009 . 15 Comments

My Internet Talk Radio show “The Power of the Pu$$y! stirred quite a bit of controvery last week. The show actually ran 30 minutes longer than originally scheduled, due to the fact that we had so much ground to cover, and so many controverting opinions from the male listeners. Things got interesting and quite heated. My cousin Joy (a very thoughtful and articulate woman), joined me as co-host to keep things even — so we ended up with a panel of two men and two women. Subsequent to that broadcast, this letter came in for Editorial Response. 

Dear Deborrah:

I enjoyed your show the other day on “The Power of the Pu$$y”, but I had a couple of questions and comments that I hope you have time to consider. 

There are a couple of different perspectives I would like to give since I didn’t hear them on the show. The first one has to do with the inherent value that is tied to sex and the gender involved. For a man to be sexually promiscuous (which I don’t condone), he has to have something going for him. Either he has a good understanding of women, a good mouthpiece, some kind of power, fame, wealth, virility, or a combination of any of these things. For a woman to be sexually promiscuous, all she needs to have is a functioning vagina and consent. 

Taking this further, an average man would have to have something extraordinary about him to be able to sleep with 300 different women in a year. Any average women could sleep with 300 different men in a year. Probably, ANY woman could.  men are afraid of the attraction and power of women's sexuality

In general, while I don’t think that there is anything valuable demonstrated by a man who goes around a sleeps with a bunch of women, there is implicit value in him being ABLE to do such a thing. For women, this just isn’t the case–they can pretty much have sex whenever, wherever, with a good percentage of men to choose from. For women, there is implicit value from them being discerning and discriminating when choosing to have sex. So, when a woman feels empowered to express her sexuality it can be viewed as her lowering her implicit value.  

My other comment touches on a man’s insecurity/ego. Not that it is right, but some men want to be “the best” in what they do. This extends to all things, including sex. The average guy probably doesn’t want to marry a woman and know in the back of his head that she has had way better sex than what he is capable of. 

I think a lot of women have a tendency to say, “just get over it”, and maybe men should, but at the core men want to excel at things, especially under the roof of his own home. I don’t know if this analogy is valid or not, but consider this: Would you or the average woman you know want to marry a man whom you don’t inspire love from when compared to a past relationship of his? Say this prospective husband treats you very well, doesn’t leave you wanting for anything, has strong character/integrity, etc., but he is a bit intellectual and not so much artistic. However, in a previous relationship you find out that the woman inspired him to love so much that he felt compelled to write poetry and paint for HER. 

With you, however, he loves you but you don’t create the kind of spark that someone else did — would this bother you and steer you away from a serious relationship with him? I don’t know if that analogy is valid, but my point is that a man values highly being the apple of his woman’s eye. Unfortunately, whether it is culture or biology, the top of his list of things that demonstrate his value often seems to be his sexuality. 

Likewise, wouldn’t a woman want to know that the man she wants to have a serious relationship with has surrendered his heart and loves her more than any other? Ultimately, we all have pasts and shouldn’t judge each other for what we’ve done. The past does matter, however, when it matters.

I thought it was a bit ironic that at the end of the show, you or your guest mentioned how spiritually significant it is to let a man enter a woman during intercourse and to be discriminating because of all of the spiritual “junk” a man could leave behind after the act.

Now, I don’t necessarily believe in the spiritual ties during a typical sexual act, but since you do: wouldn’t you think it is perfectly reasonable for a man who is considering a serious relationship to be tentative about a woman who has let a number of men intermingle spirits with her? It just seemed like you made a contradictory statement at the end of the show when you mentioned the spiritual side of things.

If a woman is going around sleeping with many men, wouldn’t she be more susceptible to having a lot of potential negative energy from the men she was with? And tying in to the original theme of the show, which touches on the issue of why is it ‘bad’ for a woman to be in touch with her sexuality, experiment, enjoy it and so forth, if she has had many male partners who may have deposited their negative energy/spirituality into her, shouldn’t a women’s sexual history become very relevant to a man who will want to be in a relationship with her?

Not that she would transfer that energy to the man during sex, per se, but just that this negative spiritual energy may manifest itself in any type of interaction within the framework of the relationship. Or is the spiritual energy transferred during sex just benign? Anyways, thanks for your response and I look forward to reading through your website.


My Response:
The first comment I have to make in response to what you wrote is that you seem to have an extremely low opinion of women.  I mean so low its misogynistic.  You put a promiscuous man on a pedestal with the comment that “he has to have something going for him – some talent, special understanding, unusual skills and unusually fantastic abilities” that you average guys don’t have.  Then you turn around and say “but any average woman could sleep with 300 men in a year… probably any woman could.”   

Do you understand how hateful, judgmental and condescending you present yourself to be? And I am being extremely polite with the choice of adjectives here!  Who do you think would have time for fucking that many different guys?  Who has time to go out and hunt up all that different dick?

With jobs, school, families and other responsibilities, bills to pay, laundry, commutes to make, and meals to prepare WHO HAS TIME FOR ALL THAT SEX?  You make it seem like one new guy per day per year (with weekends off to rest the pussy) is the average number of lovers for every woman in the world. What do you think, we are all enrolled in The Dick of the Day Club or something?

You insinuate that “any woman” could handle such a schedule since women need no special abilities or skills like men do… all they need to have is a pussy and to lay down and open their legs, right? A woman that did such a thing would be allowing men to masturbate, using her body do to it. Are you saying that all women are hookers and ho’s with nothing better to do with our time and no interest in our lives other than screwing? 

Wow.  You need an attitude adjustment for real, and I am about to give your ass one.

Your logic is skewed and your thinking twisted.  Your letter exposes you as the exact type of man I was focusing on in that broadcast – the lacking in confidence, average guy that wants pussy so badly he can taste it, but who sits around enraged that he isn’t getting it the way he wants, when he wants, and with whom he wants.  But he’s scared of involving himself with it on that level because he knows he would be lost.  I also think your religious views are in a real battle with your lustful physical desires.  

Don’t feel too bad though, because you aren’t the only one!  The Western view towards sexual behavior has been based on Christianity, which has been prevalent for nearly 2000 years.  These widely held perceptions of men’s and women’s sexuality have been the root cause of much conflict around the world, and especially here in the United States. Although we’ve made significant changes since the 1960s “sexual revolution,” the closely held religious based views of male and female sexuality have changed very little.  

In every patriarchal society, the sexual conquest of as many women as possible has become a gauge by which manhood is proven. By contrast, women are praised highly and deemed by these very same men to be more valuable for marriage by nature of ability and willingness to keep their virginity for one special man and give it up only after saying “I Do!”  

But that was then, this is now.  

Men with the attitudes you project are in reality absolutely terrified of women and the lust women inspire in your loins.  You are fearful of the lack of control you have when a woman you are attracted to is near.  Your heart is racing, you can’t think, and your knees get weak. You lose control. And you are totally afraid of the absolute powerlessness that the sexual desires you feel have over your mind, heart and body.  You experience Fear of the Pussy in its rawest form.  

You are also truly terrified of the possibility that you wouldn’t have the sexual expertise or experience that your woman might have, and thus you lack confidence in your ability to satisfy a woman in bed.  You are terrified that you would fall in love and get your heart broken when she left you or cheated on you because you weren’t laying that pipe right, or your dick was too narrow to satisfy her.  Again, this is all based on Fear of the Pussy in its rawest form.  

But remember, this is your problem, not hers.   

Your statement “for women, there is implicit value from them being discerning and discriminating when choosing to have sex. So, when a woman feels empowered to express her sexuality it can be viewed as her lowering her implicit value” is a crock of shit. You and too many other men focus entirely on what’s between a woman’s legs to determine her “value” like she is some sort of livestock.  You guys need to grow the hell up!  

A woman’s VALUE is in how she loves you, relates to you, supports and encourages you, shares  her life with you, and partners with you on the journey of life. Her intelligence, wit, ambition, devotion, the way she handles the household’s financial affairs, and the way she handles her children should all be much more important to you than what she has done with HER PUSSY.    

Your view of women ensures that young females will continue to view themselves as people, defined only in relation to their body. These impressionable young women will continue to feel insecure about their looks, and will always seek male approval about their bodies.  Most will believe that their value as a good and worthy person is totally dependent on toeing the line and behaving in ways that men list as approved sexual behaviors for females.  I really wonder who you guys think you are and why you believe you have the right to dictate and regulate what women do with their own pussy?  

As if your shaming and berating women that enjoy sex wasn’t enough, in our society, sex and sexuality are also legally regulated. The roots of these laws are found in the religious (Christian) based origin of this country (“in God We Trust”).  For centuries, both in Europe and the U.S., Christianity has used the words of the Bible to suppress sexuality and control it.  I’ve stated repeatedly that in my opinion, organized religion was created strictly to place men in a dominant position over women, in order to control what women wear, say, can do out in the world, and do with their pussy. 

Men are encouraged to “sow their wild oats” and to remember that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” so they should “not settle down too quickly.”  The more young women he sullies, the more his male relatives and friends gaze upon him with manly pride. 

However, if a woman of the same age and social rank has sex with even a moderate number of men, she is looked down upon, called a slut, a whore, a skank, or a skeezer, and her “value” as a potential mate is reduced.  As a matter of fact, laws had to be enacted to protect rape victims from being vilified in courts for being sexually active.  Defense attorneys would try to use a woman’s history of sexual activity against her, thus providing a built in excuse for the rapist… the general attitude of these men being “well, she wasn’t a virgin anyway, so what difference does it make that she got raped?

Sandwiching women’s sexuality even further between male camps of disapproval and judgment is the fact that men are constantly being brought up on charges for sexual harassment of women, in violation of the very laws other men created to protect women’s virtue.

Men even went so far as to use religion as justification to lock women into metal chastity belts to reduce the opportunity to engage in premarital sex.  This act of cruelty represents male dominance at its worst.  With the aid of a lock and key, a male asserted total control over the female’s genitals, and thus removed her ability to decide what she does with her own pussy.

A few years ago, there was a great deal of furor amongst lawmakers around the nation as attempts were made to make it mandatory for prepubescent girls to be inoculated with the Gardasil HPV vaccine.  In case you aren’t aware, HPV is a sexually transmitted disease. Nine year olds aren’t having sex. But that didn’t stop wierd parents and clergy from voicing their concerns… believing that the innoculation would be giving tacit permission for the girls to become promiscuous.  I was against such a mandate as well, but I was wondering why grown ass men were so worried about what MIGHT happen in the future with a young girl’s body… so much so that they were motivated to make protecting the pussy of 9 year old girls a law!  

While I am on the subject of female children, let me talk about the sickness of Purity Balls, yet another instance where a female’s value is placed on her pussy… in this case the thin bit of tissue known as a hymen.  

Glamour Magazine did a story in 2007 on a purity ball held in Colorado.  Here’s a quote:

“Dozens of these lavish events are held every year, mainly in the South and Midwest, from Tucson to Peoria and New Orleans, sponsored by churches, nonprofit groups and crisis pregnancy centers. The balls are all part of the evangelical Christian movement, and they embody one of its key doctrines: abstinence until marriage… The majority of the girls here are, as purity ball guidelines suggest,  just old enough to have begun menstruating…. But a couple dozen fathers have also brought girls under 10.

The event’s purpose is, in part, to celebrate dad-daughter bonding, but the main agenda is for fathers to vow to protect the girls’ chastity until they marry and for the daughters to promise to stay pure. Pastor Randy Wilson, host of the event and cofounder of the ball, strides to the front of the room, takes the microphone and asks the men, “Are you ready to war for your daughters’ purity?”

Maybe it’s just me, but the idea of a girl as young as 4 years old pledging her virginity to her father is freaky and weird.  Why is Dad so worried about what goes on with his daughter’s pussy? In every photo I’ve seen of these events, the men in the pictures are middle aged White dudes, and they look strange and creepy. Some of the girls are older teens, and show up in backless evening gowns looking very curvy, very grown and very sexy.  It’s double weird to see photos of them kissing their fathers on the mouth, knowing that Dad takes them on “dates.”

Dad is set up to be the only man in his daughter’s life until her husband comes bopping along, a lifestyle straight out of Biblical times. “In patriarchy, a father owns a girl’s sexuality,” notes psychologist and feminist author Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. “And like any other property, he guards it, protects it, even loves it.”

All I know is if my Dad had asked me to do any of that weird ass shit worrying about what went on with my body in that manner, I would have run away from home.  My Mother probably would have killed him first though.

Now back to you. Let’s move on to the concerns you have about making love to your woman with less skill than her previous lovers. Tying your ego up into your penis is juvenile.  For one thing, every woman likes her sex differently.  Sometimes we want it differently on the same day, from moment to moment. So to focus on what she MIGHT HAVE had that was more pleasurable in one moment during one sexual romp is stupid. Anyway, none of what you are thinking about is a fact, yet you are working yourself up into a state sitting around creating fantasies of failure, rejection, heartbreak and of not being “good enough.”  Why are you doing that to yourself over some pussy that you don’t even have yet?   

Men don’t understand that most women do not focus on what a man did in the past.  We concern ourselves with what you are doing in the here and now. With that in mind, unless a man opened his big mouth and TOLD HIS NEW WOMAN that he wrote poetry for some hag from his past, no one would know, and no one would care.  Personally I would laugh, because I don’t like poetry anyway.  I’d be thrilled that he got that out of his system before I came along; I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings by not responding with ooohs and ahhhs over his boring rhyming words. 

The other thing that men like you don’t seem to understand is that most men don’t know how to screw anyway. Really. Even those that do a pretty good job and have experience will still have a learning curve as he learns OUR body and what touches work best for us, how we feel when we have PMS, how we feel after having a baby, how we feel in the morning, and how we feel after an argument.  

Few men are the golden dicked studs you imagine them to be in your fantasies.  And a man who worries about someone from the past giving their significant other a better time in bed is not only insecure, he is also guilty of fearfully allowing the imagined past to affect his future. If a man has time to let this negative thinking affect his psyche, then he has time to become both imaginative and creative in the bedroom, therefore creating new “bests” for his woman. 

Instead of fearfully berating women for having experience, a man can courageously take charge of his fears and work to educate himself on exciting sexual positions, touches that tantalize, learn the erogenous zones on the female body, and he can have open conversations with his woman on what she likes and would like to try in bed with him. Instead of worrying about your woman’s past sex life or relationships you should be focusing on doing all you can to create memories with your woman that she will cherish for decades and that would never cease to bring a smile to her face. 

And finally, with regards to the exchange of spiritual energy, as I explained to you in a private email, you are making the assumption that every man (except yourself I guess), possesses negative energy.  This is an erroneous belief. 

In the show broadcast I stated that there are individuals out here that have negative energy in their spirits, and that a woman must be careful and determine if a guy has that kind of darkness in his soul before she has sex with him.  You and the readers must also be aware that the negative energy that I speak of can be transferred in a multitude of ways, and is generally gathered into our spirits in childhood from negative adults and toxic children that we come into contact with.  Observing domestic violence in the home, experiencing bullying at school, being the victim of child molestation or adolescent rape, poverty, abandonment, or living with a caretaker/parent with drug addiction, alcohol dependency, or mental illness can all impact the spirit of a young man or woman even more than a lover with negative energy ever could!  

My cousin and I, the hosts of that particular broadcast, are by no means promoting sexual recklessness!  We are merely championing the fight against the double standards which place women in the position to be judged strictly by what goes on between their legs.  We and hundreds of thousands of other women believe such a standard should not exist. 

Our world is in the second half of 2009. Over the past 100 years, American society has advanced and modernized. Worldwide communications take place within seconds, which has resulted in everyone (including children), becoming much more savvy.  Men need to get with the program. A man that insists on holding onto a romantic view of the past that he never actually knew is merely creating an excuse to avoid dealing with the reality of the present. 

The tide has turned. Few women are going to continue to accept living under negative, judgmental, male-dictated sexual constraints ever again. In spite of male beliefs to the contrary, women are not here to please you, nor to meet your expectations of what a “good woman” is based on your perception of our pussy’s purity!  Women are here to please ourselves, to define ourselves, and to meet only our OWN expectations of a good woman. 

From now on women are going to have sex whenever they feel like it.  Women are gong to enjoy their bodies and pleasure with the women or men they choose to share their bodies with… may be 5 guys, may be 50, who knows? I don’t want to know and you never will.  All you can know for certain is that you are not going to marry a virgin or anything close to it.  Let that fairy-tale fantasy go.

Until next time.


Blow by Blow – the guide to mindblowing oral skills for women. Click here for more information!


Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookPinterestGoogle PlusFlickrYouTubeReddit

Tags: , , , , ,

Category: Society and Culture

About the Author ()

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
Loading Disqus Comments ...
Loading Facebook Comments ...

Comments (15)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. AndraeSmith says:

    Well All I can say is that you come off as hot-tempered and having a very narrow-minded scope, Deborah– not because you are a free and enlightened woman trying to disillusion men and women to the hypocrisy that litters our culture. No, it is because you chose to take offense at something that was not meant to be offensive. You mentioned in a comment that you are able to comprehend the intent behind the words, but people who think that all men are out to attack them, will attach their own meaning to something. So I read this man’s letter three times over and behold I found that you take a great many things out of context. What you deemed as him being offensive, was him alluding to viewpoints of society so to further the discussion. Towards the end he did seem to be calling you out, but you missed the purpose of the letter entirely. You’re right, there are a number of misogynistic  men who are intimidated by “power of the pu$$y” because it proves that they can be incapable. It proves that Women want something out of sex, and if that is the case, they can actually fail at sex by not giving it to her. But to label all men as you do is a form of extreme feminism that is just as gender bias as the cultural attitude you claim you are trying to destroy.You can call me rude if you want. I’m not looking to be your friend or follower. Nor am I here to tell you what to say on your blog or even what to think. But I am willing to tell you flat out that the world is much bigger than men against women. And the issue of men against women stems from a far-reaching, deep-rooted form of selfishness in all humans. It is power seeking. Many feminists disguise it saying they want to be considered equally, but that’s nothing but a facade for a growing gender role switch in the new generation, which consists of women being the dominant gender– getting the jobs, making the money, heading the house, dominating the bed room. I am not so biased as to say there is anything wrong with women taking on whatever role they so choose, but I entreat you to know that any woman looking for a relationship will have to be able to cooperate with her man on equal terms, just as much as I expect any man to cooperate with his woman on equal terms.People have gotten this convoluted idea that Christianity  subjugates women, but this is false. The husband is the head of the home to create order. In today’s society, that could be the wife as long as the household understands who has the leading role over the home’s functions. The wife’s role is to love her husband obediently. EVERYONE FIGHTS THAT but they forget that love in any direction implies obedience out of a willing desire to give. The husband’s job is not to rule but to love. He rules his own household if that is his role, but he is to love willingly, fully, sacrificially, and obediently to his wife. Even as Jesus loved the church, so should a man love his wife.Anyone who takes issue with the idea that love = selfless giving, is selfish and not ready to start any relationship. Anyone who believes that sex is the most important grounds for any gender dynamic to be evaluated is also a fool. That said, any man or woman who judges the other’s worth by their performance in the bedroom is a fool.Furthermore, I conclude with this small bit of wisdom–take it or don’t, in your eyes I’m an arrogant man only talking down to you. I will take that role if I must, All I care about is you seeing my true message, which is this: ***Women and men are far more than their bodies. Our gender dynamic is far more deeply rooted than our physical relationships. The only way to enact change is to change our thinking from “us against them” to recognizing our worth as a people and working together to create a happy world, one household at a time, then passing on those values to the next generation, and so on until it is reseeded into our culture. Men are not superior to women. Women are not superior to men. They are collectively created with different skills and mindsets so that they would come together to make perfect wholes. When it comes to relationships we cannot base everything on others, but  take responsibility for the image we put out about ourselves and the behavior we accept from others. The sooner men and women teach their sons that it is not a triumph to sleep with numerous women, the sooner the generational mind will shift. The sooner men and women teach their daughters that their sexuality, though it should be saved for their husband, is nothing to be ashamed of, the sooner the generational mind will shift. But any nationwide, or global change we hope to enact must start in our minds, and spread to our households, if only one at a time. If every household were to focus on itself and what it passes on,  soon enough an entire nation can make a change simply by people choosing to better themselves rather than fight each other.***That said I am sorry for calling you out in so course a manner. Whether I am wise or foolish will only be determined by whoever’s judging me, so however you judge me, I hope you at least take those last two paragraphs to heart. Those words are the heart of my message. We should operate in love, not spite… I would do well to take that to heart before I decide to call anyone else a fool. Blessings to you and your mission. always remember, Change starts from within, no matter what religion you follow.

  2. Andrea says:

    Fantastic post! I have always known that men like the one who wrote the letter were terrified of women, and of not measuring up to any other man the woman they want may have been with. It is a HUGE turn off, and reeks of insecurity/inferiority complex. And as the saying goes, “You know you better than me”. Men need to recognize this, because for all the talk of a “man shortage” by some silly women, trust me, there really isn’t one.

  3. JT says:

    How did you take a very thoughtful, respectful response from a male listener and turn it into a mysoginistic rant? Did you even bother to take into account the man’s actual point of view or did you just look at it as a list of debate points you had to counter?

    • The ability to read is not equivalent to the ability to comprehend the meaning behind the words one is reading. That dear JT is your problem. The man’s point of view was stupid, and so he was told. This is my blog and I respond to questions any damn way I please. You don’t like it, go elsewhere. Plenty of sites to choose from where men can say stupid, judgmental things about women with impunity, as the women on those sites lack my intelligence and insight and let them get away with it.

      Won’t happen here. You come here with dumb shit, whether you are male or female, you will get told about yourself.

    • Raz says:

      The fact that JT thought that idiot’s ‘comments’ were thoughtful and respectful says he thinks the exact same way. pitiful!

  4. Elaghi says:

    Beautiful, My life in motion! I live your words daily. I am free I am Woman, and I define my role on this Earth, thank you Sista, I support you and your endeavors to the fullest!!

  5. JustPassingThru says:

    Wow, do I EVER agree with you! I have said these same things ever since I first HEARD of “purity balls.” The concept is disgusting – as if the daughter’s body is OWNED by her father until he trades her off to a husband. Makes my skin crawl.

    Of course fathers are concerned about their daughters making good life choices and not being exploited. But that should go for EVERY aspect of the daughter’s life – NOT just what she does with her twat. Why aren’t these fathers hosting “Financial Independence Balls” that celebrate their daughters learning how to handle money wisely? And why isn’t anyone hosting a ball for their SONS? Oh yeah…THAT’S different. Riiiiight.

    This is the work of misogynistic religionists and religion has ALWAYS been about men possessing and controlling women, their bodies, and their sexuality.

  6. raz says:

    Let’s not get it twisted. While I embrace women who show their sexuality, I also feel that women should embrace their sexuality responsibly. A women who has a multiple babies and baby daddys shows that she is emotionally immature and not responsible with her body. This is not judging someone based on their sexual experience, rather it is based on the lack of responsibility they showed engaging in sex.

    As stated in the article, (great article by the way) I don’t advocate reckless sex, but I advocate enjoyment of sex by willing partners.

    While I am all for this movement of women embrace their sexuality free from judgment, let’s also advocate that they do it responsibly. No need to keep providing fodder for men who are all to willing to say, “See all the babies born and STD’s from women having irresponsible sex?” (Of course the woman will take the heat moreso than the man even though he is equally responsible!)

  7. Alvin III says:

    “Guest” and I have a concensus on something. That is, we both agree that some people are in the “wrong lanes” when it comes to desiring the kind of people they want. I can dig that.

    Deb also made an excellent point about men who desire fully traditional women……yes, it’s fully unfair as a man, to desire a “Traditional” woman, if you are not being “Traditional” yourself . In the context of sexuality, that is unfair to DEMAND of a woman as well BUT, because women are more accepting of a man’s past sex life relatively more than men are of women, there WILL be a disparage in the numbers. Each man decides what’s “respectable” in his own eyes, just like women decide.

    For instance, a Mcdonalds Manager is not “respectable” in some women’s eyes and such a man has NO chance with such women, no matter how much he makes. Even if he has the most compattible character for her, he’ll never get a shot. Should the McDonalds manager get mad about that? It would be a waste of time, even if he keeps hearing women say “I need a Ambitious Rich man, not some McDonalds worker”, he can do nothing about their opinions for the short term. He would be best served FINDING a woman that can respect him for who he is in his profession, a McDonalds manager. Likewise for the Sexually Advanced and Sexually Liberated Women. So, I think there will only be “acceptance” for many women on a individual man/woman level, not necessarily an overall culture level. Maybe somewhere in the future. Debs trying to spearhead that movement. Go Deb!!

  8. Deborrah says:

    Loving these comments – keep ’em coming! It’s been hilarious to me to witness some men’s reactions to this article over the past few days.

    On one hand they want a virginal woman that adheres to old fashioned values. But when it comes to dating, these same men will gripe and complain about the woman expecting him to pay on dates, to ask her out, to drive, open doors, and be a gentlemen. They also don’t think men that get women pregnant should have to marry them, or pay child support either. They don’t want the pressure of being mature, responsible men 100% across the board. What they want is the perceived pleasure of having a virginal woman from 1677 in their bed, while they are served and catered to and enjoy all the financial freedom of having a modern woman.

    It amazes me that so many women fall for this stuff and don’t recognize the game for what it is! Tell a man if he is going to judge you by what goes on with your vagina, you are going to judge him by what goes on in his wallet. Make him pay for the pu$$y then by squiring you around and paying for everything, and before you give him some, make him marry you. He wants old fashioned – GIVE IT TO HIM. With both barrels.

  9. Guest says:

    ‘All you can know for certain is that you are not going to marry a virgin or anything close to it. Let that fairy-tale fantasy go.’

    Men who want virgins and women with the mindset of the past should go to the areas where they can find these women. Maybe they should go to those purity balls you mentioned and go join the Morman religion or some other religious sect. They shouldn’t be putting backwood ideas on modern women of today. Just take themselves to the environment where they can find such a woman. (It might be searching for the unicorn, but hey they can try). Men want it both ways. The virginal woman, but the modern woman of today and that is a fantasy not happening. Men shouldn’t look at virginity as the main thing to determine if a woman is marriage worthy.

  10. Alvin III says:

    It’s this simple my ladies. A man will respect your sexuality, If he CHOOSES to respect your sexuality. Choose the men that will Respect you in totality, and Respect such a man in return.

    On this issue it’s going to be a while to get the COLLECTIVE of men to see you in a broader light . You will have to find men that are as openminded as you, if you are looking for a man. Those men are rare.

  11. DevineOne says:

    You went off the planet with this article. I mean Wow!!! Shocked Shocked Totally amazing, I’m stunned by what you’ve written, your insight.

    All I can say to the guys after reading this article is get over of your fear of the P$$$Y or be left behind because if you don’t evolve, you will be left behind in the dust. The women you want, will not want you back. This is 2009, so those 1899 ideals you have of women need to be left in the past. The power of the P$$$Y is out there, so you’ll have to deal with it on the woman’s terms now!


  12. Guest says:

    Hot DaYUM!! Right On sistah!!
    This one needs to be sent out to nationally syndicated magazines!! Seriously!! This is awesome!! Men need to let that white as the pure driven snow fantasy go and evolve their minds. We aren’t living back in the dark ages anymore!!

Leave a Reply

This site is protected by WP-CopyRightPro