Cons of Marriage – Why Women Should Not Get Married

. 04/27/2010 . 87 Comments

Factors which were thought to influence this outcome – conflict, domestic violence, inequitable distribution of household duties, and higher rates of infidelity among Black men. Black men often tease each other about their woman “running him” or him being “pussy whipped” if he listens to his wife, honors his commitments to be at home on time, and treats her with respect and deference.

Sociologist Janice Steil found that married women consistently fare worse on every measure of well-being, including experiencing more feelings of loneliness, anxiety and depression than their husbands. Wives reported levels of depression 2-3x higher than single women, and if they are unhappily married three times higher than their husbands.

A study by Dlama Heyn noted that compared to single women, wives suffer more nervous breakdowns, inertia, loneliness, unhappiness with their looks, insomnia, heart palpitations, nervousness, nightmares, phobias, feelings of incompetence, guilt, shame and low self-esteem.

Read all that again so you clearly understand this fact: what makes women happy in marriage is exactly the opposite of what makes men happy.


Why Would a Black Woman Waste Her Time
Seeking Marriage?

With all that said, what woman in her right mind would choose to involve herself in a relationship that has a high probability to make her miserable, depressed, stressed and physically ill? What woman with sense would voluntarily place herself in a position to give her all to a man in a situation that promises him everything and her nothing?Since Black men tend to be very traditional in their expectations of women and hold the traditional model of marriage in high regard, might this conflict of needs and expectations impact a Black woman’s choice NOT to marry a Black man?

I think we’re onto something here.

When a couple marries, the wife automatically jumps into a socially mandated role and assumes responsibility for the household they share, meal preparation and cleanup, her man’s physical emotional and sexual needs, and 99% of the day to day caretaking of any offspring they have (homework, baths, story time, PTA, doctor visits, birthday party presents and attendance, lessons, team sports, hair combing, diaper changes, potty training, etc.) The wife performs all these free and burdensome chores all while working a full time job just like he does! Husbands “help” by picking the toys up off the floor after nagged to do it for 20 minutes.

A few years or a decade or so of this crap and women find themselves unhappy with their marriages. Furious, overburdened, exhausted and totally disillusioned with the reality of marriage vs. the wonderful romantic fantasy the bride assumed she would be living, she heads for an attorney and files for divorce. Were you aware of the fact that 75% of the divorces in this country are filed by women? Doesn’t that kinda tell you that women really ain’t feeling this marriage thing like they used to?

Even more telling, few women that divorce remarry, and statistically, those that do will divorce their second and third husbands as well. Perhaps they should follow WC Field’s advice: “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. Then give up. No sense being a damn fool about it!”

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues


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