Better Dating Relationships: Before You Ask the Question, The Answer is NO!

| 01/01/2012 | Comments (0)

 

The Take Care of Me Mommy Set Up

“I am wondering if I am being used by the man I love. My boyfriend depends on me for everything to the point of absurdity and I feel taken advantage of at times. He wants me to wake him up for work, make sure he’s fed, sexually satisfied, etc. However, when I asked for help to move into my new place or even help with packing, he claimed he was too busy working to do so. After I moved into my place I made the mistake of letting him move in with me. I’m upset at myself because I did all the work to get here, and he didn’t do shit!”

Though this young lady obviously has love and dependency mixed up, that isn’t the issue that disturbs me the most. To me the most bothersome aspect of this situation is the fact that she was abandoned when she needed him most; yet, she is there for him in dozens of little ways every single day. In essence he is there for the easy part, the “good part” of the relationship while abandoning her to handle the heavy lifting and labor of life all alone.


 

Young women over give, placate and take care of grown men because they believe that is how you show someone you love them. However, since their men refuse to return the favor, these relationships are unbalanced, textbook demonstrations of classic giver/taker dramas.

Men that expect to be given to and taken care of like children don’t make attractive mates for go-getter young ladies. This young man should not be surprised when his girl angrily declares “I don’t need you!” as he would have set things up to make sure that she didn’t need him. Not at all. Ever.

These are just a few examples of common games men run on women they date to get comfort, sex, a place to stay, companionship, entertainment – all at the woman’s expense. Learn to recognize the games for what they are – total bullshit.

Look for a man that is respectful, considerate, and mature enough to keep any sexually-oriented conversation to himself. He should be adult enough to kick back and wait until you give him the signal that you’re ready to take things to the next level before he makes any sexual references. If he can’t do that, it means he is about 14 years old emotionally. Fourteen year olds don’t make good boyfriends for women older than age 13. Remember that.

Do the preemptive strike and establish strict behavioral boundaries for the new men in your life. Let men know early on that you are not into their juvenile “jokes” and that you expect to be treated like a lady at all times.

Tell him right off the bat “before you ask the question, the answer is NO!”

 

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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