The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church
This article disturbs me because there are so many misperceptions that are presented as truth.
1) “A church is nothing but a building…” Throughout the New Testament in the Bible, God refers to the church as a body of believers; those who have accepted Christ and are now willing to fulfill the Great Commission while here on earth.
2) “Going to church is a waste of time…” and “…women that remain single are deemed to have some major flaw in attitude or ability…” You make the assumption that the only reason a single, black woman goes to church is to find a man. While this may be true for some misguided women out there, many of us attend worship services (not, “go to church”) for the purposes of worship and fellowship. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:8-10, Paul encourages Christians to stay single since so much more can be accomplished within ministry. If single women are deemed flawed, this a worldly standard, not a biblical one.
3) “…if a young, handsome, strapping man is in church every Sunday, there is something wrong with him…” This just sounds like bitterness being taken out on our black men. While there is some truth to there being all types of men attending church, I find it disheartening that a woman who seems set on advancing the power of black women, would take it upon herself to totally strip our black men of their pride and dignity. This statement is a disgrace to those black men who have chosen to follow Christ for the sake of their own salvation. When was the last time you actually attended a worship service to see these men for yourself? Secondary research can only tell you so much…
4) Equating submissiveness with passivity – You assume that submission means that all Christian wives will be barefoot and pregnant, without a mind of their own. Let me just list a few of the women in the Bible who were anything but:
Deborah (your namesake) – prophetess and only female judge of Old Testament Israel. Her name means “fiery spirit,” and it was ONLY after Deborah agreed to accompany him, did Barak agree to battle the Canaan leader’s army.
Esther – queen of Persia who singlehandedly saved her people from genocide through wisdom and courage.
Ruth – chose to honor her mother-in-law by staying with her, and because of her actions, eventually became the great-grandmother of King David, whose genealogical line is directly related to Christ
Proverbs 31 woman – the standard many Christian women wish to uphold. Yes, she takes care of her family, but she is also a businesswoman, a woman of social responsibility, and a respected woman of society. It is because of her that her husband is recognized within the city, not the other way around.
I know that I’ve used scripture to back me up, and I don’t expect you to lend much credibility to that; but you have your research, and I have mine. After reading this article, my prayer is that you don’t discourage too many women out there who are striving to live a life for Christ with such a close-minded point of view. The next time such a general assumption is made about black women and the church, try talking to those of us who are actually single, black, female, and living our lives for Christ and not for those in the world who think they know what we need.
Reading comprehension problems abound here as well.
#1 I said “a church is nothing but a building; what makes it a place of spiritual growth are the people that come into the building.” So why even bring that up when you agree with me? You’re confused about what you read.
#2 How you interpreted those two things to mean that is the only reason women go to church defies logic or reason. When women stay single (as has been frequently reported in the media), the implication is that more Black women are single (than White women) because black men prefer other races, or that black men feel we are too angry, bitter, gold diggers, baby’s mommas, etc. In other words, something is wrong with a woman that is still single. Black men love to throw that in women’s faces too “that’s why YOU’RE SINGLE!” Like I said, women get mixed messages and on one hand told to be married and to pray for a husband, then now you say told to be single and serve some fonky church.
And I hate how you Christian women want to hold yourself up as something better than other women. Calling a woman “misguided” because she wants a husband in her faith is twisted and judgmental.
#3 If a man is not one of the 4 types I described, then he falls into the 2% of guys that are at church, completely hetereosexual, not weird, and looking for a wife. Those men are in the minority which is why when one walks through the doors of any church, women pounce on him like raw meat in a lion’s den!
#4 You read a lot into things that are not there which again makes me question your reading skills. I never said anything about a woman being barefoot and pregnant. I am relating my submissiveness strictly to the single women in churches following their pastor’s mandate re: staying there to look for a man, praying on it, and giving all their money and free time to his ass.
Thank you! The anti-theistic people who wrote this article have absolutely no clue. Christians should not be taking their cues from them or any other worldly people. We’re not conform to their world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind. I stumbled on this article looking up something else and decided that the article was way too biased and full of hate to be ignored. The writer seems to forget it was the Black church who was the backbone of our society and by tearing down that foundation it has cause more chaos in the Black community. WE need to return to our roots, as it say in the last verse of old spiritual “Lift Every Voice and Sing aka the African American National Hymn: May we forever stand, true to our God, true to our native land!” Then and only then will we see our communities become healthy and strong again. Put GOD first, and then all else will fall into place.
@ladeedaa
You need to stop drinking all that religous koolaide then you might have something valuable to say.
@ladeedaa
You need to stop drinking all of that religious koolaide then you might have something worthwhile to say.
@ladeedaa People? That is plural. Only one person wrote this article. And I could not care less about what the black church did 50 years ago. Not doing shit NOW and that is my point. Waste of time for black folks to be sitting their butts up in church on their knees praying to some imaginary White man. GTFOH with that noise. Black folks need to stand up, stand strong and stop following the slave masters religion of mental control. You need to study black history so you will sound intelligent when you come on this forum.
Although I agree with a lot of what you have said here, my issue is that many – both men and women – can’t afford to blindly follow anything, including church of any color or denomination. Black churches alone are not to blame for this but laziness! Many go to church and depend on the “men” behind the pulpit to give them step by step directions to every aspect of their life. That is NOT how God intended it. When we go to church, we are to trust the man/woman of God to guide and direct them to scriptures, teach us how to pray, develop a relationship with God for ourselves, etc. Even Jesus said that man cannot live by bread alone, but from every word out of the mouth of God. If you have a relationship with God for yourself, then you know how to eat the meat and throw away the bones.
You might be called a rebel, you might be seen as a loner, or whatever but God should be the leading and guiding force behind all of us who consider ourselves people of faith. Men/women have faults just like we do and if you solely relay on their understanding of what they have read and studied, then you are in trouble from the beginning.
There are a lot of reasons that so many black women have never been married, and the church may be one of the ingredents, however our attitude, willingness to compromise, maturity, willingness to deal and create unnecessary drama, the what about me issues, and on and on. It’s easy to blame the church, but the church can only teach what it knows! What about the other aspects of the woman’s life?
The Bible says “study to shew THYSELF approved unto GOD!” Before we start blaming the church, spend some quiet time with God so that HE can mold, shape, and instruct us on the women that we were called to be in HIM, not who our girlfriends, mother, father, or even our pastor thinks we ought to be!
Peace!.
I read the article, and was a little overwhelmed. I believe to solely pin an article siting the Black Church exclusively involves an improper stereotype since we have not been privy to all Black churches.
Properly taught husbands and wives accomplish an extraordinary amount together by submitting and serving one another. And because we are spirit beings, we serve God!!!! Serving is a sign of strength, not weakness.
While I understand that my head is not in the sand and I acknowledge that there is manipulation that goes on in churches, it also goes on in every facet of life that you find human beings. I am a father of a young adult who serves and loves God, my wife and I encourage her to be well rounded in every area of her life. Having a proper balance. I believe that the article should have the same tone; (Proper Balance). The black church is filled with save brothers who honor woman and are extremely successful and are awesome fathers. There is always two sides to every story.
For every sister that agrees with your article, there is another sister that disagrees. The objective to life is love and serve each other and we won’t need room for selfless or selfishness.
The church that I attend is running over with single black females who are desiring a mate some day. and because these women out number the men in my church to the 3rd power they sometimes find themselves cheating with the married men in the church. I don’t think that Ms. Cooper is sayin forget GOD and the Church. She is clearly stating that women in the church often find themselves waiting for 10 to 20 years waiting on Mr. Right to come through the church doors and their Mr. Right my never come through the church doors.
and that Shena is truly a shame. The pastor needs to take up the subject of the sin of adultery and route that out of his church because he will be held accountable before God if he allows such sin in his church
As a faithful church goer, I agree with your article. As a younger member of a church my odds of finding someone to marry and mate with are slim in that setting. 50 women to 1 man does not work for me. And yes, many, not all, but many of the faithful attending men have issues or wives that bring them. We must go beyond the walls of the church to allow that man to find us and make a connection. And you are correct in saying, what healthy, stable, and emotionally healthy man is going to be beat down verbally by a book and a pastor each week?! I love my church and love going but I am not too blind to realize that I need to look beyond it to find my mate! Thanks for the article!
You are a perfect example of the balanced thinking I promoted for Black women on the Tom Joyner show. Smart young lady with a brain that she is using. YOU GO! 😀
I would go to church, but not a ‘black church’ necessarily. In some but not all, the man or man looks like he’s GODS gift to woman instead of the other way around. I just saw a program by tct.tv who show a black christian couple in church The Joys of Oneness–sounds great until you hear the intro–he’ll say–does she always have the ‘last word’ and she’ll say iron his shirts lord? i’m trying, hes my head….multiethnic ones and programs like Family Life Today show BOTH SIDES of Ephesians 5:22–Deborrah Cooper, please dont give up on church—i think you just saw too much foolishness growing up
I agree with most parts of the article. I love God but I don’t regularly attend church. I think too that most people put waaayy too much on emphasis on going to church but God is and lives within us. My wife goes every Sunday and gets mad when I don’t then she comes home and tries to make me feel bad because I didn’t go, says that I am going to hell,etc.. I am happy everyday but my wife is most always tense or in a bad mood. I always ask the Sunday morning Christians how they think God felt about the way the lived the other 6 days of the week. People quote recite scripture well but can’t tell you what the scripture meant. Organized religion really keeps people mostly confused. My wife and I often argue about church, I believe the basis of religion is one having a personal relationship with the Lord, not your pastor or church members. My wife and others tell me that just because they to they get a blessing or they are more spiritually connected than I am and that’s not true, I know where I stand with Him, they think they know where they stand but they really are not sure!!
Thank goodness for comments like this.
Deborah, thank you for this article. I no longer attend church because I did get tired of the some old BS rhetoric! All the single women putting bids on and chasing after the 1 or 2 decent men in the church. I do have a close relationship with Jesus Christ and I’m no longer being controlled or feel bad about being a single mother or listening to some pastor dictate his personal views about me being a single mother. The type of men you mentioned above in the church and (some married men for that matter)..I’ve met them ALL ( in the church). Thank you for speaking up for us (single black women), who no longer spend all her time in church, dealing with organized religion. I’m sure some people disagree with you…but, let them continue to go to church to learn how to live life, while we’re out enjoying the life God has given us.
You need to focus more on GOD and less on what the other women do….
@ladeedaa and who are you to judge her walk with God exactly? Just because she doesn’t attend church doesn’t mean her faith is weak. Once again you are being very arrogant.
Grrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaattttttt acticle…….. Ms D
Deborah used this man’s video as a basis for the black church being a big reason why women today are being kept single and lonely. But his ultimate message wasn’t about going to church. What I got was that women should “hide” in God and not put themselves “out there” so to speak. I don’t completely agree with him that dating websites and other venues are not good methods of finding a mate but he did have some good advice when he got into talking of a woman not giving her all without having him give his all and went into talking of a virtuous woman. I just wanted to say that comment on the video.
As far as Deborah’s piece here, it has some good stuff as well as errors. I agree that black men are largely absent from church and therefore it’s not a place designed to find a mate. People shouldn’t go to church if finding a mate is their motivation for going. Church is supposed to be so much more than that and women will be let down if they miss all the main points of going to church only focusing on finding a man. I think even most pastors and preachers would agree that one doesn’t need to be a card carrying member of a church to be in good standing with God. But I also believe that going to church helps women to find a mate if they take heed to the message given. I think some churches many need a younger translation of the message given there so younger dating population can understand it. Many of these “single” women in church who have never married somehow do have kids. That means they weren’t following the gameplan preached in the church anyway. It’s like saying a diet plan didn’t work for you and you never stayed true to the diet to try it out. Also, a woman shouldn’t spend all her time inside a church and only find a man there. She should be out and about stumbling into men as she lives her active life and I don’t see where having Sunday mornings at church in the mix would harm their chances of meeting a good man throughout the week. Most of the men who aren’t in church are in bed anyways at that our. So, if you’re just advocating that people who LIVE at the church need to climb out, say that instead of disregarding church as a whole. There are churches out there that allow women preachers, pastors, etc. Most don’t but I just wanted to put that out there. I don’t view many teachings in the bible in Ephesians, 1 Timothy, Genesis, etc as oppressive but I doubt this is a forum that you wanted to debate scripture. I will note that it’s hard to single out CHURCH as unnecessary without also implying the Bible as it is written is unnecessary because the many “oppressive” teachings Deborah cites can be traced back somewhere to scripture. So, it’s hard to avoid a conversation on interpretations of scripture and also try to single out CHURCH apart from the God of the bible in which they worship there. She mentions the black CHURCH. Not the synogogue or mosque to make her point. So speak to Christianity and Bible teaching more directly and don’t back away from it as she has in the replies to so many posts regarding her article only being about the church building itself.
You are right that black women limiting themselves to just black men and having certain characteristics will leave many women single. Many black men of today aren’t stepping up to manhood as good viable fathers, working good jobs, etc. Black women’s loyalty to only dating black men despite them not being as loyal to them is a much bigger problem holding black women back than the church.
Deborah, I appreciate you expanding women’s horizons but not so much the stomping on the church. There were some good teaching moments in the man’s video that weren’t even addressed in this article (and a few bad things too but overall good).
This article is false because I don’t know ANY lonely black women. Most always have a guy around in some way, shape, or form, because I have a hard time scheduling time to hang out most of my girlfriends. I do think Black women should focus on improving their physical appearance by going to the gym more than the church, because physically, they are not marriage material at this time due to being overweight and/or obese. Learning how to act as well as dress in a refined, polished, and lady like manner is also very key. Wives need to be mild mannered and show self-control very well. These are traditional qualities that most men want in a partner, regardless of culture or ethnicity.
You are one person and do not know anything more than the people in your little circle of existence. You do not speak for millions of women across the country that are in church doing as their pastor advises, waiting on their Boaz. I hate it when people take a concept that applies to the masses, and personalize it to their own little microscopic particle of a world.
You also ASSume that millions of women don’t know how to dress, are all out of shape don’t know how to walk or talk or behave in a traditional manner in relationships with men! That is what church women are – traditional! It’s women like ME that would never set foot in a church in a zillion years that are non-traditional.
What you wrote is all off in left field somewhere.
@LotusBud Also just because a woman is single and not dating doesn’t necessarily mean she is “lonely.” That’s what I find most troublesome about this article. Judging women based on whether they “have someone” or not. Crazy.
@ladeedaa @LotusBud Never said it was. But the point you are both missing is that the women THEMSELVES expressed their loneliness. They WANT to be married as they said on television and in print interviews. They are waiting and waiting for their Boaz. They said it, not me. My analysis is that their pastors are keeping them unmarried and questing for love, feeling lonely for a reason.
@LotusBud If we were talking about only you, then your comment might have merit. Since you are but one person and we are talking about millions, your comment just plain sounds silly.
@Deborrah No it doesn’t…most bw I see on daily basis need a lot of work on the outside and inside. They are not in good condition and they don’t look like marriage material. You have to reflect the image that you want people to view you. I’m not talking about me, because I ensure that I work on myself all of the time to attract and keep quality people in my lives, but I even have a hard time finding black female hanging buddies who reflect the same image, so I can’t imagine what it must be like for males. BW just need to revamp themselves..that’s all, but the church is not a good place for young people to hangout and find each other as they are not into it and find it boring. Community service would be a better option for bw to engage themselves in the community, be productive in society and meet a lot of good hearted, conscientious young and older people of all different colors and creeds.
I’m not saying that bw should not ever go to church, but they should devote most of their time to other areas in this country that need committed people.
@LotusBud LOOK LIKE MARRIAGE MATERIAL? Are you fucking kidding me? You need to get your head out of Hustler magazine and get real. Wives are not showpieces or arm candy, they were loving partners on the road to life which encompasses internal qualities, not what you LOOK LIKE. You must be very young and immature to even get stuck on something so superficial and unimportant in the grand scheme of life. You think men marry women for how they LOOK? LOLOLOL!!! Plenty of beautiful women sitting at home alone every weekend while the slightly chubby sweetheart that cooks well and has her man’s back and stimulates his mind is married. Only young silly dudes get with women for how they LOOK, but they don’t marry them unless they have a lot more to offer. You really need to get a clue if you think how you LOOK makes a man want to marry you. Fuck you, yes. Marry you, absolutely not.
I believe that Ephesians is not oppressive, it’s how its taught. In a way, it’s going back to EDEN—Man worker Woman helpmeet–MAN IS SUPPOSED TO LOVE WIFE LIKE HIMSELF AND SACRIFICE UNTO DEATH FOR HER. Women pastors arent the answer either since the MAN is supposed to be the head of family and church. What happens Is they get LAZY when women do everything for them–dont think so? look at modern culture.
Let’s be very clear for those coming along reading this. I just noticed that he thought the video was the basis for the article. No, the article was published and well circulated for over a month before the video (which was taken down a few weeks later), was added. The link was sent to our Webmaster by a listener who heard my interview on The Tom Joyner Morning Show. After discussing it, my staff and I decided that it perfectly illustrated the principles and lies told women in black churches across the country, so we added it as an “audio/visual aide”. However, it was removed a short while later and has been off the site for almost two years.
Finally – someone is not afraid to put this information on paper!!!! Deborrah, Great article!! I have to follow up with your other articles!!
Deborrah,
Your article is ON POINT and right on time!! I was listening to you this morning on TJMS and thought…..WOW!! This woman has the guts to speak the truth!! Personally, I have stepped into the harsh reality that looking for love in church is a lost cause. You are so right when you speak about how church controls women by telling them to wait on “BOAZ”. GEEZ!! That guy doesn’t exist! And if they are even truthful about that story, the real deal is that Ruth went after Boaz, with the help of her mother in law Naomi. They don’t tell that story….They had a master plan that worked!
When I made the decision to stop seeking a “God fearing man”, but seeking a man who has the qualities that l like, who treats me with respect and enjoys doing the some of the same things that I enjoy….love walked into my life. I’m currently in a relationship with a man who does not go to church and I respect his decision and his spirituality choices. Church teaches you that if he’s not a christian, then the two of you can not walk together. That’s bananas, because its all about a mutual respect of each other and what ever spiritual choices you make.
I’m the happiest that I have ever been in my life….with the non churchy dude!! And here’s the kicker…..my parents are ministers!! I grew up in church all of my life, but as I got older I grew to see the fallacies with religion. And, I knew that I had to do a game changer if I wanted to have a relationship.
If any woman reading my post can take anything from me,…please take this: Love YOUR God with all of your heart, but YOUR GOD or better yet…you’re spiritual walk doesn’t have to be the same spiritual walk as someone else. Stop allowing religion to cause you to miss out on life,…love and potential happiness because you are caught up on tradition. I have been there and done that. It leaves you empty, questioning God about timing and you are left with the short end of the stick….LONELY!!!
Now,…its important for me to be with a man who posses character, which goes a long way….beyond the church pews. There are LOADS of good men out there, who just simply don’t do church. That’s cool. That’s their decision,….not yours. And, their decisions on God or spirituality doesn’t have to change yours. Just learn to respect each other.
Deborrah….THANK YOU!!!! Despite some criticism…..you have hit the nail on the head!!!! PLEASE continue to help the sistas out!!
Best to you.
I believe in God and I believe in the foundation of a church and what it is meant for but the church is just a building and it does not define you as a person. I believe God will look at what is in your heart and how you lived your life and treated others come judment day.
Whether you attended a church or not will not be a part of the criteria. There are more hypocrites in the church than anywhere. I won’t begrudge a potentially good man because he does not attend church or believe as I believe as long as some form of spirituality exist or they believe in God, christianity or a higher being.
As long as he gainfully employed and a law abiding citizen and has a positive vibe and good heart and is genuinely concerned about my well being as well as others it is all good with me
Tell it girl! That’s what I’m talking about!
BOAZ IS KING DAVIDS GRANDFATHER who wrote the PSALMS—he had to EXIST
@zipporah This is not a bible lesson on this thread and the article certainly wasn’t mean to inspire an argument about biblical characters. It’s like writing about Goldilocks and The Three Bears or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. No proof of any of them existing anymore than there is most bible characters.
Although I don’t agree with all points made in this article, I can definitely undestand where Ms. Cooper is coming from with her argument. Although some are opinions many can be factual by just looking around at some of the church going “folk” in their own churches or families for that matter. From the women in the church who wear the Big hats and speak in tongues to the men in the church who wear wing tips and pinky rings I can see why this article is cooking some of ya’ll are mad. I guess when you look in the mirror long enough, you actually being to see yourself for who you really are and kind of hate being that person. Just saying. Love the article Debrroah!
Thank you for writing a piece on using COMMON SENSE. It is sorely lacking.
Most of these churches are fly-by-night, money-making ventures anyway. Anyone can be a minister or pastor as any actual knowledge of the bible is NOT required to start a church: see L Ron Hubbard.
I know the idea of leaving the black church will be traumatic for some because it’s part of the overall indocrination of black women but this is just another area where they have to take responsibility for their choices. What are they getting from what they’ve given?
There is NO WAY a kind and compassionate and practical God would allow for this situation to come about. This is the proverbial kicking out the money changers from the temple – it’s time to get rid of the leeches!
It’s up to US to read the religious text of choice for comprehension. I do like Bible Study courses that compare the texts using Greek & English, with appropriate context – but that was after years of feeling dissatisfied with the churches I’d attended and I decided to take charge of my own spiritual development instead of being told by someone else what “X” means. That also includes building a personal spiritual relationship and finding like-minded others. It’s an arduous process. I’ll never blindly walk into a church and assume they are going to provide what I need or even interpret the Scriptures properly.
Churches have to be vetted just like everything else!
Hopefully more women will reevaluate what they’re doing and why and seek better circumstances.
This article may be tight but its right and appreciated by anyone like myself, a former Pastors wife who got divorced and found out first hand that what she is writing is true! You may not agree with every point but anyone denying the overall truth about this is unwilling to confront what God is trying to expose. Women need to accept and speak out about their God-given right to strength and dignity even as we are Believers and hold true to the values in God’s word. I am so proud to have found my church Friendship West and my Pastor who believes in social justice and women are equal in value in this body of believers. Proverbs 23:23 tells us to Buy the truth and sell it not (that means it will cost you something…question what you believe as true and LEARN from God not a man)…get wisdom and sound judgement means to use the brain God gave you to THINK for yourself. He didn’t remove your brain when you accepted Him as Savior nor did He intend for any of us male or female to be in bondage. Thank you Deborrah. I know you’re taking heat but know there are sisters standing up with you going YES! Its about time!!!
And for those who want to know (and even if you don’t) I am now in a healthy relationship with a man who’s in the church, has been all of his life as a PK but his Father was a progressive man who loved his wife and treated women with their God given dignity. He loves me real good so you can’t contribute my comments in support of Deborrah as bitter, lonely hater of men. I love my man. I also love truth! Bless you Deborrah. Speak on sister!!!
I am a black male who doesn’t attend church due to things that I have witnessed within the church. By that I mean the hypocracy of the church. Most of the people that I have met who claim to be Christians treat people horribly. In business dealings, personal dealings, relationships, etc. All because they believe they will be forgiven for the dirt that they do to others. According to what I’ve read in the bible which states that if an action is wrong then you shouldn’t do it, not you can do it and keep doing it and you will be forgiven! Now about black women that I have met that attend church on the regular, most are the most evil individuals that I have met in my life, which gives me another reason not to attend church. If people that I meet in every day life that don’t go to church treat me better than people who attend church who do you suppose that I prefer to deal with? My mother is a church going woman who is extremely evil, on the church board, the nursing guild, an eastern star, and the biggest hypocrite in the world. I choose not to go to avoid being a hypocrite, not that I treat anyone bad, I treat people how they treat me, because I believe as my father believed in Karma, the good you do will come back to you, which was proven when I took care of him for seven years while neither of my two siblings nor my mother lifted a finger to help me with him. When he passed these so called church people cut me out of every money that came from his multiple insurance policies. I no longer deal with them and I am a better person for cutting them out of my life period.