The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church
@WayneAJones Eddie Long, Creflo Dollar, Henry Lyons, do some research and look those people up Wayne, and see who is all up in the black church attacking and discrediting.
@Razzy Oh yea the Black Church needs to be attacked because that’s the worse thing going on right now. NOT. There is so much more degrading maddening things going on than this. I understand this is what the article was about but if people choose to go to church to receive their word then so be it.
My pastor has never said anything about waiting for a man to come to you. That is NOT WHAT ITS ABOUT. The pastor I grew up with who has a mixed congregation was WHITE. @Deborrah is bashing this thing called a black church because we, black people, always find the worse thing to say about our own people while they are walking around praising everyone else and trying to wear their hair. Look at half of your friends who are right alongside of you bashing the” Black Church” and wonder why they’re wearing long brown or blonde hair… then figure out why we self-deprecate more than we appreciate.
I don’t want to argue. We are all entitled to an opinion. Sometimes you gotta sit and ask yourself “How much does your opinion really matter?”
@WayneAJones No worries, I wouldn’t pay you a dime. Since you don’t understand what you read there is nothing I can do to assuage your defensiveness and refusal to acknowledge that these are very real occurrences in churches across the nation. No one can deny that fact. So your insistence that this article is attempting to discredit and destroy an entire race is interesting. I can only surmise that these individuals recognize the truth in my words, and know that in truth lies the power of the Universe. That is why you are afraid of me. That’s okay, never be afraid of reality. You can only hide your head and pretend everything is fine and perfect for so long.
@TonyaHoneySol First thing you need to get straight is I’m an adult, not a child and can form my own opinions so it’s unnecessary to chastise me. secondly I have seen wrong-doing in the the black church for years, not that Christianity is wrong but people are being hustled for their money and time. The bible does point out to be on the lookout for false Prophets and there is way too many nowadays. If you believe in your “perfect churches” so much, fine then support your Creflo Dollars and Bishop Eddie Longs then but don’t be upset you believed these fools. They’ll drag you right down to hell with them.
@TonyaHoneySol @Deborrah @topaz627
“I’m afraid this article does seem like a huge attack on the black church.”
And so what? The black church needs to be attacked. So much corruption has run rife for decades in the black church. It is not beyond reproach. No transparency at all, lots of tomfoolery going on in there, everything going on but the business of God.
@TonyaHoneySol
That is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it, but I am certainly not “losing credibility” by ignoring a man’s complaints about an issue that is 100% female. To me it is the same as men weighing in on whether or not women should have the right to birth control or abortion! To me it is the same as a man telling women that they don’t have cramps when they have a menstrual cycle and its all in their head! None of this is his business, nor his concern, nor his body. When an article is written that addresses the issues which affect “African American Women” I have the right to ignore the words of any man on the issue because the article is not about MEN.
Secondly, the article is not an attack on black churches, UNLESS those churches have leaders that are behaving in the manner outlined in the piece. Just like any other criminal act, if you aren’t doing the crime being discussed, then the conversation is not about YOU.
Lastly, the status of being single is a plague by those women’s own definition. They don’t want to be single. I don’t care personally because I love being single, but not every woman does. And if a woman wants to be married, and she is in church doing what her Pastor instructs a Proverbs 31 woman to do, and she’s doing her works and praying and being a Godly woman year after year, decade after decade, yet no husband is coming to her… well she is going to eventually feel disappointed, broken hearted and wonder what she is doing wrong. In other words, she will feel cursed or plagued by her single status.
Your thinking is kinda “off” if you got anything else out of this article.
@Deborrah You’re losing credibility by telling this man his words have no merit because the article is directed to women. All comments are points of view should be welcomed especially by a “journalist” such as yourself. He is a black man and the article is talking about how the church is drawing a line between him and us.
Dear @topaz627 , I’m afraid this article does seem like a huge attack on the black church. And it also portrays the status of being single as some sort of plague. Don’t be naive.
@ArthurDanielsJr Her statements about the attractiveness of black women going to church is actually quite accurate. The fact is religion among men has been on the decline for quite some time. Dare I say I’ve had the opportunity to personally get to know you so I can’t speak for or against your character, but I gather from your post that you are some what rare in that you (a black man) holdon to religion so closely. Should black women be faulted for wanting a god fearing man? Absolutely not. But they should also understand that religion has been and will continue to be a declining priority among ALL men, combine this with the availability of eligible black men (not dead or in prison) and you have exactly the logic behind the authors composing of this article.
No ones saying that you can’t find a decent guy in church but considering the ratio of women to men are always disproportionately in favor of the former, those men have the luxury of sitting back and picking what they want. Its like shooting fish in a barrel..
I personally don’t see why black women are so hung up on wanting a religious man as if thats where morality originates.
Then we have the issue of Christians wearing their religion on their sleeves but being total hypocrites. If you like sex you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. Same goes for any other “wordly” acts you choose to indulge in. Black women are at the apex of a potential social disaster and risk being out dated by those ethnicity who are far less concerned with spirituality.
This is not to say black women need to compromise their morals to get a black man, but more so they need to reevaluate if these “morals” are actually making them happy. Happiness is subjective and what we make it, having someone dictate a false sense of happiness in the form of church only further handicaps their chances of finding a suitable partner.
@MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr On the same token, if a person values chastity and waiting until marriage, people shouldn’t be making her feel guilty for that, either…nor calling someone a hypocrite simply because they don’t approve of someone else’s beliefs!
@ladeedaa I’ve yet to see anyone attempting to enforce guilt over ones choice to refrain from extramarital sex. Not once did I say I disapprove of christian beliefs, I personally don’t subscribe to them. The only hypocrisy I see is that of those offended by this articles critique of the black church. The black church seems shrouded in exceptionalism. The moment someone raises concerns about such an institution they are deemed “heathens”, “traitors”, “Sellouts”, or are seen as to have some malicious intent. This is not just in regards to the black church, but encompasses any formal/informal critique of blacks in general. When we behave in such manner we cannot be taken seriously. Serious discourse is stifled because of such behavior and its a double standard that we need to remove ourselves from. Allowing any institution, group, organization to operate without scrutiny is criminal and a disservice to its constituents. The black church and ole Rev are no different. Stop engaging in emotionalism and naivety and seriously assess the organization you hold so dear to your heart. Just because you were indoctrinated does not mean you are not allowed to think critically about how blacks dictate Christianity. In my opinion I believe the black church subliminally practices a perverse form of Jim Crow Christianity. Most simply can’t see this because it is their “black church” they’ve been brought up to love and respect regardless of the misleading. Rev. Jeremiah White is prime example. The exclusionary behavior, the often preached political agendas they want you to help them fufil, etc…..it’s not as great as it seems from the outside looking in.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr
“nor calling someone a hypocrite simply because they don’t approve of someone else’s beliefs!”
First of all Ms. Bible thumping ladeedaa, I never said I didn’t approve of her beliefs, I called her a hypocrite for being conservative about some things and not the other. See your bible thumping churchified broads want to cherry pick what you want to be devout about. If you claim to be Christian then go all the way. Don’t be conservative and devout about one thing but be “in the word’ (bible thumper lingo) about other behaviors. That’s being a hypocrite.
@MichaelMahoney Hello, MIchael. People are people, whether in church or not. I know people who never darken the door of a church who behave in the ways you describe. It sounds to me like you have a marked biased against people who have a belief. Sad. That’s just as bad as racism, homophobia and other types of hate out there. Yes, there are bad ministers out there. Absolutely, but they are responsible for their action and will answer to God for them. Yet, one seems to not want to realize there are plenty of good ministers out there who daily quietly minister to people to many people won’t make the time for. We only hear about the scandal and bad stuff. The important thing, IMO, is that we tend our own gardens. That we do what we know God wants us to do, and not put the blame on others whether in church or out of church.
@Razzy @MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr Razzy, there are worse things I’ve been called than a “bible thumper.” I am not ashamed of being a Christian, and no amount of put downs or mockery from you will change that. Now I would ask that if you respond again, please do so in a civil manner. I’m not being hateful to you. I’m trying to talk to you with respect that all humans deserve and I ask you do the same of me, regardless of your own biases or prejudices you hold towards religion or religious people. At any rate, I think you are not seeing the forest for the trees. Are you always so literal? Don’t you realize most people in life are not all black and white? There are lots of shades of gray in between. Ok, I’ll readily admit I’m not perfect and I don’t always get it right. I have a “past” like anyone else. As it says in Scriptures ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. But you know what? I know that I am a sinner in need of God’s love and mercy like anyone else, and I am doing the best I can to live for God. I’m sure your friend may be as well, but again maybe you’re not trying to see this because of your own blinders. You are right we should be all the way 100% but the truth is that it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process. We fall down and get back up, fall down, get back up, etc, etc, etc. I wouldn’t be too quick to call someone else a hypocrite because I have no idea what their journey through life is like. Would you like someone to call you a ‘hypocrite’ because they look at you and see things they don’t like or approve of? Attacking the Black church or any church for that matter solves nothing. We all need to look inside ourselves and realize that alone we can’t save ourselves. That’s why we need the Lord. I know from personal experience it makes all the difference in the world. Anyway, I hope you have a good day…and that you’ll think over what I say and not immediately get your hackles up.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney
“It sounds to me like you have a marked biased against people who have a belief”
Pot meet kettle, and going by your comments on this thread from your very first response to Ms. Cooper’s article calling it ‘hogwash’, it looks to me that you have a strong marked biased for any controverting opinion that doesn’t uphold ‘your ideals’ about the black church.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr
“Attacking the black church or any church for that matter solves nothing’.
Repeat you call me biased and prejudiced, but get the blinders out of your own bible thumping eyes. You think any critique of the black church is an ‘attack’. You think the black church is beyond reproach, despite overwhelming evidence that shows corrupt black church leaders who’ve stolen church funds, fleeced their congregants, molested young girls, and done all sorts of egregious acts that are not in anyway shape form or fashion, what God would advocate. You excuse all of that away and say people are just sinners and god forgives them.
Like I said, you are a silly crazy bible thumping fool. GTFOH with all that hypocritical BS bible thumping talk. I’ll bet you do have a past. Most broads like you who thump that bible hard, have a shady past and they feel the harder they bible thump, they can make up for stupid shyt they did in the past.
Well that’s not me. I don’t have a shady past, i don’t have to hang my head down in shame and act like a nobody who isn’t worthy. I don’t have to hit folks over the head with all that bible nonsense talk. Only weak folks who have something to hide, hide behind the bible. You don’t need a bible, you really need therapy. Too many sick in the head black folks who really need therapy, use the bible as therapy and don’t get any better. Just sickening.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney
“Yes, there are bad ministers out there. Absolutely, but they are responsible for their action and will answer to God for them.”
Translation: Leave them alone,don’t talk about them, let God handle them. Just pretend like they aren’t doing anything bad. It’s not our place to intervene and call out a minister when he is doing bad things and hold him accountable for his actions, only God has the authority to chastise a minister. So if you see a minister, molesting a young girl or boy (like Eddie Long), stealing from the church, and doing other heinous acts, you are supposed to just get on your knees and pray to God to deliver that minister from his sinful ways and that’s all, you are never to talk about him or *attack* his church because that makes you wrong’.
Ladeedaa is a stupid dumb church thumping crazed in the head broad and any other woman who thinks like her should RUN to the nearest shrink because you have serious mental issue.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr
“We fall down, get back up, fall down get back up’ etc, etc, etc.”
Why keep doing things in life that causes you to ‘fall back down all the time. How do you progress forward if you’re staying mired down repeatedly falling down and getting back up? You’ll never get ahead that way.
I don’t fall down and repeatedly get back up, I keep pushing ahead to actually achieve goals and get somewhere productive in life. Only stupid insane people do what you do. So it’s not ‘we all’, it’s you and folks like you.
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney @ArthurDanielsJr
‘I wouldn’t be quick to call someone else a hypocrite because I have no idea what their journey through life is like.”
Well that’s you. I call it like I see it and you don’t have to like it and I don’t care if you do’. Cherry picking certain scripture to live by, while overlooking others is hypocritical. It’s playing at being a christian. It’s a fake christian. Most of y’all Christians are fake anyway, I’m sure God sees through the fakeness. Go to church on Sunday, cussing out folks through the week, fornicating at will, lying, stealing, back stabbing, hateful attitude, lack of empathy, selfish, self centered.
None of those are christian God like ways, and christians act like this all the time. So yeah a big fat HYPOCRITE!! Stop the fake christian talk. If you aren’t walking the walk, then stop calling yourself a christian and acting all superior over everyone else. You’re just a trifling knucklehead like everyone else who engages in the behaviors I named on a regular bases, you ain’t superiior and you certainly ain’t living your life close to that of being a christian.
@ladeedaa @MichaelMahoney
If there is even one bad minister out there, shouldn’t he be dealt with? You mentioned racism, let me say this. Are all white cops racist? Of course not, yet we never hear about the thousands of non racist white cops who don’t racially profile, we only hear about the ones that do. So since not all white cops are racist and do egregious things to black folks, should we ignore the white cops that do? Should we pretend racist cops don’t exist? Should we just close our eyes whenever an unarmed black person is shot by a white cop and give that white cop the benefit of the doubt because he might have been just doing his job?
See this is the logic you want to use with the black church. You want to deflect and say ‘well not all ministers are bad,t here are good ministers out there who quietly do their job and minister to people. So what? That’s what they are supposed to be doing. They don’t get extra credit for doing what they’re supposed to be doing. And them doing their ministering has nothing to do with the corrupt church leaders who do egregious things to their congregants. Good ministers don’t cancel out the bad ones anymore than good non racist cops cancel out the racist ones. Use some since Ladeedaa. (but it seems you don’t have any) your brain is full of religious koolaide
I’ve thought this to myself for quite sometime. If we look at female/male interaction at its most granular level we see men striving to be the alphas of their domain. Spending Sunday and Wednesday evenings listing to another man dictate how you are to run your household/life, etc…is not the average mans idea of achieving success, dominance, peace, etc….I can positively state that the average mans (black, white, asian) least concern is what some slick hair pimp has to say about how he conducts his life. Black women (not all, maybe a bit more than half) seem a bit hung up on this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fit the profile of a “good man” with exception of my belief (or lack there of). Being atheistic in belief has alienated me from a significant portion of black women. Let your belief be YOUR belief, maintain that intimacy between you and your deity. Stop stifling yourself by making ”god fearing” such a stringent requirement for the ideal partner because I can assure you that this is the last thing that proves a mans worth and capability to protect, provide and love. These traits exist in all of us (to some extent or another). Me personally, I’ve had much success dating, unfortunately it has been outside of my race where the most success stems from and this disappoints me.
@MichaelMahoney The killer is that when you ask these women what are the qualities of a “God Fearing” man and why specifically do they want such a fellow, they never have an answer other than it is what the Pastor said they should be looking for to be “equally yoked.” So then you ask them what that means, and you end up in more circular conversation that doesn’t really mean anything. It’s sad really. Women should at least be very clear about WHY they go to church, what they get out of it, and what it costs them in time money and psychic energy. That way I would at least be confident that such a woman would have the wherewithall to understand the pimp games that go on in bad churches, and know how to extricate herself quickly from the nonsense. But when a woman cannot clearly communicate the foundation of her expressed belief system, I have serious “brainwashing” concerns.http://www.womenpraymenprey.com
Interesting questions….and how disturbing this is, that these women didn’t have a mind of their own or clue why they choose to believe n what their pastor’s says. Brainwashing it is! I can admit that I go to church on most Sundays and while their, I am reading my personal bible while the sermon is goin on or sayin my own prayer to myself while others r givin the pastor their unabided attention…(it’s not that I don’t njoy sermons bcuz I do, its juz that I find spirtual moments alone if I’m not n2 the word being preached) And with this being said…I don’t get off on religion…juz a personal relationship with God. Religion is too contraversial & ppl b ready to take your head off if you don’t side or believe their version. My most legit reason for attending church is bcuz I waz raised n church…and never experienced anything troubling to me. I read the word for myself. I’ve visited other churches and if I didn’t like how they go about their doctrines I stop going. I don’t believe n man healing me with oil or telling me I am going straight to hell if I don’t receive the holy ghost by passing out or beating my head on floors & walls, much less speak n tongue….
Yes, the church is filled with saved brothers THAT ARE MARRIED LIKE YOURSELF. You are talking about husbands and wives and the relationships of married people when this article is about SINGLE WOMEN ONLY. So you are all off topic and as usual, talking about yourself and your life as narcissistic men do when the article has absolutely nothing to do with you.
The single women are looking for a future husband/father but not finding one. Most of the men that go to church with their wives DID NOT GO WHEN THEY WERE SINGLE. And that is my point! There are few single men in churches that are about something and that want to be married.
Some of the points mentioned here are painfully true. Especially being able to place the men in church into four categories. Except, I’ll add a fifth which is the abuser. I have complete faith in God but I have also grown weary in attending church for many reasons including the ones cited here. The black church has gotten complacent and spends more time putting on airs than dealing with the real issues. That’s where my frustration lies. I don’t come to church to pretend or be phony. Every sin known to mankind is in the Bible, yet so many topics of discussion are taboo in the church. If we can’t be real in church, how will we know how to conduct ourselves in the world and reverse some of the strongholds and generational curses that our culture is plagued with???
So true and on point. We have to know God for ourselves and which direction He desires for us to go. God is everywhere, inside, outside of the church. I tried the religious men of God and 90% are just as messed up as the “Men of the World”. Let’s get to know God for ourselves.
This article is always timely and relevant. Black women really do need to get their azzes out of the church. Christian women are the most naive and gamed on women on the planet. (Or should I say religious women). They are sitting ducks just because of their mentality. The sooner women get their butts out of the church, the better off they will be. Stop giving their time/energy/money and hard work to these pimping preachers.
What a load of hogwash. The church is not to blame for women (or men for that matter) remaining single or lonely. Whomever wrote this article clearly does not understand the true purpose of the church (regardless of race.) The church is NOT a singles bar. There is one reason and one reason only for attending: worship and spiritual guidance. These attacks on the church are not only rude but ridiculous. If one is having problems finding a mate, they need to take personal responsibility and quit blaming other people and entitites. Besides, this article pretty much purports that there is something inherently wrong with being single when it isn’t. Better for the Black woman to be in the church than out barhopping or desperately chasing men. If they are doing it in a church setting then they need to stop it. It’s that simple.
@ladeedaa Just for that I am going to write an entire book blasting the Black church. And I’m going to dedicate it to you.
@Deborrah How dare you blame church for what is more than likely a personal problem of yours. Tell me something how’s your love life? everything must be going so well with it since you have so much to say about the single sisters/brothers in church.
You do realize this article is two years old, right?
@nm_2005 I don’t have a personal problem with the church. How could I when I never go? I am merely reporting on what I have evidence of from those that have lived it, and what I’ve seen when I visit churches for research purposes. Too bad you didn’t read this two years ago when it was published. You all on the Late Freight and going off about something you haven’t even seen. I guess you’ll just have to read the book. http://www.womenpraymenprey.com
@ladeedaa Well said! And I do agree. In addition, I believe that the women in the black church should also use wisdom and discernment when it comes to dating. I personally don’t believe in just simply “waiting” for a man to approach me and get down on one knee, however it’s also best to not be too hasty to jump into a relationship because of loneliness. In addition to asking for God’s guidance when it comes to choosing a mate, I should already know what red flags to look for, what I’m willing to tolerate in another person, whether if he’s genuine in his love for God (including his spiritual walk), has goals, is responsible, a family man, or what have you. I don’t agree with the man bashing in this article as if to blame all the men in the black church for our singleness.
@ladeedaa this article isn’t a attack on the church. The reason you take offense is there is some truth to it and you’re in denial. Which line exactly does it state that being single is wrong? The women in church themselves are upset they are single and aren’t finding good men at church.
” Better for Black women to be in the church than out barhopping or desperately chasing men. If they are doing it in a church setting it needs to stop.”- This is why I have very few Christian friends, they are the most judgmental and condescending people on the face of the planet. There’s nothing wrong with people barhopping, but the funny thing is you are so blind to how many people go to the club Saturday night then go to church Sunday morning. Happens all the time and shows how out of touch with reality you are.
@ladeedaa Amen. My sentiments almost exactly. Not only does Ms. Cooper not understand the purpose of the church, but she fails to understand the importance of accuracy in reporting and getting facts straight. As a minister and graduate student in theology with 2 earned degrees and working on a third, who’s also been a Christian for over 28 years, I am well acquainted with sound Christian theology and what goes on within the church. And after reading this article, I can tell that Ms. Cooper does not have a solid grasp of our theology and what the church teaches. She presents a skewed and distorted view, and only the ignorant fall for this kind of sophistry and disinformation.
For example, she takes some stats and makes invalid assumptions based on them. Let’s look at a few: “Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.” False. Christian men like myself are indeed attracted to and interested in women who attend church, although it’s not so much about church attendance but having the right heart for God. And let me add that there’s nothing more sexy than a black woman in a dress and heels, praising God in church or anywhere else! So that claim is pure nonsense.
Next we have this invalid assumption: “Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.” Nonsense. I’m an eligible bachelor and I’m dating, and there are many other eligible Christian men in church. More pure nonsense.
And I really love this one because it betrays a lack of knowledge about what goes on in modern churches: “Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.” Now let’s forget for a moment that there are entire books in the Bible (Ruth, Esther) dedicated to women of greatness that even men can learn from that are taught in churches. But when churches hold seminars on sound financial planning, fiscal responsibility and investing (like my church – Victory Christian Fellowship of Santa Monica, Ca -) and Ms Cooper ignores this or is unaware, it becomes all too clear that again we have a clear case of someone inept at obtaining accurate information on this topic to speak from an informed perspective.
Even more insane was the oversimplification about the kind of men in church. I mean, you really thing that a superficial glance at men in a number of churches only reveals four categories? You gotta be kidding me. Human beings are not that simple. There’s another category completely ignored. Good Christian men who belong in neither of those categories who just want to meet, date, love and marry a good Christian woman. Men who will love these queens as Christ loved the Church and sacrificially gave Himself for it.
Now we are told in this article that women are encouraged to find a church-going, God-fearing man. This is true. However, it is not true that the “odds” are she will not find such a man in church. Where else will she find him? At a strip club? The Playboy Mansion? In a bar rolling on the floor drunk? Nonsense. While you can find a God-fearing man shopping at Walmart instead of church, the odds are you will run into more atheists at Walmart than a church. I could write my own book on the flaws in reason and theology in this article, but I believe I have proved sufficiently that Ms. Cooper needs to do better research. If not, I can go into more detail quite easily. My hope is that maybe Ms. Cooper can humbly admit making some mistakes and ask for some informed advice or information instead of going on her assumptions and misunderstandings. We all need to learn to humbly accept correction and improve, not arrogantly claim to be right when you can be proved wrong left and right.
The Black Church is not to blame for its women being single and lonely. Each individual woman bears that responsibility, depending on many factors and issues that were simply not addressed in this simplistic and distorted article. But we are not going to solve the problem by creating controversy with “catchy” titles with articles of little real accurate and substantive content.
@ArthurDanielsJr First of all the article is directed at BLACK WOMEN. Since you are not a black woman, your comments have little merit and do not make much of a point.
Secondly, since you claim to be a student of theology (meaning you plan to make your living pimping women in churches), OF COURSE you are going to find fault with the truth of what women experience at the hands of men such as yourself. Why would we expect that you would be honest and say anything that would reduce the power you seek to have over a congregation of females? Additionally, since you are a male in a Christian church, you would ever be able to fully grasp what women feel about the messages they are given in church. Again, you are not a female and your experience in church as an alleged “anointed” person and leader of the flock is never going to be the same as a female’s experience.
Third, this is not a research article, it is an opinion piece. The phrase “it is my belief” is how the second sentence in the first paragraph of the article begins, or did you with all your education miss that? There is no research necessary for an opinion piece (though I did supply plenty of statistics). The fact that you don’t like what the article says so you attempt to attack the data presented does not invalidate the reality of the words as written for millions of women. Thousands of women since 2010 have read this article and testify that they’ve met these characters in church and had the exact experiences as written.
Lastly, I do not write to get your approval or the approval of any man connected with a church. I write what I see and what I want to write. The data presented here collected from women and observation is called empirical evidence, which is entirely valid and substantive research in any social science work.
The bottom line here is that you are bent out of shape because you, like so many other pastors, ministers and religious leaders, feel threatened by a black woman of intelligence and insight into the pimp game that is pastoring at a black church. You feel scared because you know that I am getting the word out about the lies you tell women. You are afraid because you know a woman with a large following pulling the curtain back and showing that what women thought was a powerful wizard is just a man pulling levers, flashing smoke and mirrors and trying to make himself seem like he is omnipotent when he is nothing but a man like any other could cut into your income. The more women that are hip to the game and keep their money to themselves and remove themselves from the influence of a pastor, the less money you can trick them out of and the more of them will be happily involved with men outside of your circle of influence. You know that will cut into your income.
Women have to understand that pastoring is nothing but a job and churching is nothing but a business. Being a pastor doesn’t make you special or unique nor does it give you any special powers over women. You say that you represent God but God doesn’t need any representatives, especially representatives that present themselves as anointed then turn around and lie, cheat, fornicate, adulter and molest/rape, pilfer and abuse then cry “I need forgiveness.” God just is and doesn’t need the help of sinners and weaklings that fail and are born from the same sin as everyone else.
Pastors are not special at all for that very reason. In spite of the fact that a lot of black women seem to have the roles confused, PASTORS ARE NOT GOD. So you men need to go sit down somewhere and stop trying to position yourselves as authority figures over women, gouging their pockets for millions of dollars and messing with their heads to suit your ends. I know the mind games and the bullshit and am not the least bit blinded by your fancy words and booming voices. I will therefore continue to speak loudly and honestly about the games played in the black church that harm women, and I really don’t care if you don’t like it.My latest conversation: http://survivingdating.com/how-keep-romance-alive-your-relationship
@Deborrah @ArthurDanielsJr
@ArthurDanielsJr @ladeedaa
Yeah, a hit dog will hollar. Arthur is likely one of those 4 category of men. An old cat daddy, played out and looking for a good Xttian woman to take care of his old played out azz or he’s on a 12 step program and using religion as a crutch, A playa looking to get laid with the lonely horny Xtian women (nothing sexier than a woman in a dress and heels praising god) wink, wink.., or he’s on the down low. (He’s too defensive.) And why isn’t he married after 2 degrees, 28 years of being a Xtian and a minister to boot. Goodness knows he’s surrounded by plenty of eligible church going women in dresses and sexy heels.
He’s so defensive because Ms. Cooper is busting out his church pimp game lolol.
This article is SOOOOOOOOO on time!!! You are the first person I’ve ever known of (especially a black female) that has the strength or nerve to speak out against the Black church. I commend you Deborrah. Why Black women don’t understand their history or know that Christianity is the slave master religion we were taught to keep us under control is amazing to me.