The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black Churches – Full of Foul Frauds and Fiends?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture, The Black Church
@TonyaHoneySol @Razzy @Deborrah @topaz627
You must be open to hear other’s opinions without being so damed rude and condescending…. my spirit is far too peaceful”…
LOL, but it ain’t that peaceful that you can’t cuss at someone is it. I always say those church broads are some of the most hypocritical women on the planet and the most short tempered. Well… keep your prayers, I didn’t ask for them nor do I need them… All churchified broads always leave with that ‘parting shot, ‘I’ll pray for you’. And they sling it out there as if they are really casting a ‘curse on ya’…
Churchified broads all think alike and all have the same response in any discussion.. How boring. Yawn
You telling folks that ‘they Must be open to hear other opinions, yet how open and receptive were you to receiving the message of this article? Not too receptive there were ya. In fact you came out all defensive and in denial.. You want someone to hear your thoughts while you don’t want to hear any controverting thought against that churchified broad group think.
And if anyone is hating, it is YOU! You are the one who lacks understanding, and empathy for victims of the black church. You are the one who shows intolerance for those who have suffered at the hands of the black church. You are no better than folks who cover up egregious acts because they don’t like it and don’t want to hear about it. They think just because it doesn’t directly happen to them, then it must not be true. That’s how those folks at Penn State acted when they covered up Jerry Sandusky’s pedophile acts for years against young boys.
That’s how the Pope acted when they pretended catholic priest weren’t molesting boys. That’s how racist folks act when they pretend that racism doesn’t exist nor does it affect black folk. And that’s how churchified broads like you act, when you continue to deny that the Black Church needs to be examined and held accountable for the negative effects it has on women and children that go there. So you are the hater and you need to be gone… Buh BYE
@TonyaHoneySol @Razzy @Deborrah @topaz627
You m ust be open to hear other’s opinions without being so damed rude and condescending”
You must accept the fact that you are a churchified silly broad and your opinion and lack of empathy for victims of the black church makes you damned rude, intolerant of others who disagree with you. You want someone to ‘hear what you have to say, yet you bring your silly churchified butt up in here defending the indefensible. Trying to make it seem the black church is perfect and there has never been a victim of the black church. Take your silly churchified and begone.
Bye bitch! Go get with that WHITE preacher you emphasized is so perfect.
@Razzy @Deborrah @topaz627
So now we’ve moved on from speaking like adults to criticism. I’ve ignored several comments because I feel like the “conversation” is no longer important. And what the hell is this ‘churchified broad ‘ mess you speak of so much? I mean really…GROW UP. Its more hate coming from y’all than lesson.
My spirit is far too peaceful and I’m way too confident in my beliefs to continue entertaining this.
Find yourself some professionalism the next time before you go posting an article for the world to see. You must be open to hear other’s opinions without being so damned rude and condescending.
What kind of person would I be if I wasn’t true to my beliefs? Don’t bother answering that because I’m going to unsubscribe. I usually like my discussions to be mature.
I’ll pray for ya.
Bye!
@TonyaHoneySol @Deborrah @topaz627
“He is a black man and the article is talking about how the church is drawing a line between him and us”.
Another churchified woman who lacks reading comprehension skills. No wonder ya’ll are easily lead by the minister and so heavily influenced. If your reading comprehension skills and ability to process and analyze what you read and apply critical thinking skills is any evidence to go by, none of you all have the ability to decipher the Bible which linguistically is very challenging and calls for more than a 8th grade reading comprehension level.”
This article is about how the black church keeps black women single and lonely.
@jackie89 @ladeedaa “I don’t agree with the man bashing in this article as if o blame all he men in the black church for our singleness”
Lack of reading comprehension skills abound in your post. READ what you see and not what you think you see. And identifying the 4 types of men that frequent the black church is not man bashing, it’s calling it like it is.
@TonyaHoneySol @Deborrah
“Sometimes you gotta sit and ask yourself “how much does your opinion really matter”.
On this topic, your opinion matters about as much as a fart in the wind, so move it along and go post on some Christian blog or something where churchified broads like you can get together and talk about how great your church is and stay in denial of corruption that has gone on in the institution of the black church’.
@TonyaHoneySol @Deborrah
“The pastor I grew up with who has a mixed congregation was WHITE”
And the way you are defending him, if he wasn’t some old crusty dude, were you crushing on him? A lot of churchified women do crush on their ministers, wishing they were the passa’s wife and all. I mean dang, you all up on his tip like you’re his wife or something.
@topaz627 @TonyaHoneySol
Mistakenly posted a response meant bro TonyaHoneySol to you Topaz
Please disregard
@Deborrah
TonyaHoneySol, This book is not about ‘you or your pastor, but it is for the women who have been victimized by their churches and church leaders. If this doesn’t apply to you, then pass it on by and stop taking it personally. Stop being such a defensive churchified broad. Why are you even all up in this thread anyway since your so called church and minister don’t have problems. All these church broads talking about ”not my church’, not my church, yeah well… who knows… You are being a dumb silly broad all up on this thread trying to deflect away from why this book was written. I for one know personally of women and elderly people who were victimized by their church leaders and have suffered for it.
I have no patience for some silly dumb churchified broad to come up on this thread and try to act as though this book Ms. Cooper has written have no merit. So if all you have to do is come here and post defensive denial talk, I suggest you move it along before you piss folks off.
Stop trying to silence a problem just because you don’t want to hear about it. Take yourself elsewhere and go post on a christian website or something. Your thoughts are not needed here.
@topaz627 First thing you need to get straight is I’m an adult, not a child and can form my own opinions so it’s unnecessary to chastise me”.
Child pluueeze get over yourself. Nobody is chastising you or telling you not to form an opinion. I am responding to your post which I am allowed to do on this thread, unless Ms. Cooper says otherwise. If you take that as chastisement then that’s your problem, not mine. Besides, weren’t you chastising Ms. Cooper when you made this comment calling yourself getting on her case about some dude who posted on here?”
”
‘TonyaHoneySol: “(To Ms. Cooper)”You’re losing credibility by telling this man his words have no merit because the article is directed to women. All comments are points of view should be welcomed especially by a “journalist’ such as yourself”.”
So it’s ok for you to call someone out, but you can’t take it when someone responds to you… It’s called chastisement. Pluueeze, if you claim to be an adult, then act like one and stop getting your panties in a wad over a simple response on a thread topic. If you can’t take people responding to you and get all bent out of shape throwing a tantrum, then you aren’t acting like an adult. If you think that little comment I made to you is ‘chastisement, then you haven’t seen chastisement and you are a broad whose buttons are easily pushed, and easily offended.
Yall churchfied bible thumping broads are some of the most easily offended, quick tempered females I’ve ever interacted with. For yall to be bible thumping and talking about what’s in the bible all the time, yall rarely display Christlike temperament. Easily offended, hurt, and all of that at everyone except the pimp preacher in front of you. And quick to defend some dude. The fact that churchified women are so male dominated, is mostly the reason they get pimped in church. And as for all that bible thumping, people can quote scripture all day long and so what…. people can make the bible mean what they want it to mean. 10 different people can get 10 different meanings on scripture which is why that mess is meaningless.
@zipporah This article is NOT ABOUT ME PERSONALLY. I have to keep saying that because people keep looking at it with a narrow scope instead of a national view. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. Nothing here applies to me because I do not go to church and have not since I was in grade school. There have been no opportunities for me to see any foolishness in church growing up because I wasn’t there. I was at Girl Scouts or camping, or fishing, or sawing something with my Dad, or picking fruit in the country, or learning to hunt, learning to drive, or expanding my mind at the library. I did not go to church in the past and never will.
Everything I say in this article and in the subsequent book is based on historical research, media reports, interviews and personal testimony from the victims of church abuse.
@TonyaHoneySol Well Tonya, if this article were about YOUR PASTOR then your comments would make sense. But you are not the only woman in the world, nor is your pastor the only religious leader in the world, nor is your church the only church in the world. Look beyond yourself honey, your world is very small. I’m talking nationally here – 50 states and millions of women, not just you.
Why are you so defensive? Are you trying to say that anyone writing about pastors and deacons feeling on little girls in church isn’t true? Are you trying to say that no married pastor has ever gamed on a teenaged girl and raped her? Are you trying to say that no man in church ever molested a young boy in the men’s bathroom? Are you trying to say that no old people in church have ever been taken to the cleaners by their church leaders?
See, that’s what I mean. You refuse to acknowledge the truth of the conversation and steadfastly hold onto your fantasy that the black church in its entirety should be above reproach, examination or condemnation. I am saying let’s work together and ferret out the creeps, the liars, the game players, the false prophets, the users and the con men. Let’s get them OUT of churches and into prison where they belong.
I would think a true woman of God would want churches cleaned out and all charalatans banished. But instead what I am seeing from a great many black women is a blind allegiance to ALL pastors and ALL churches, no matter what awful things they’ve done in the past. Instead you want to (typically) switch the conversation from men over to women by talking about the color of their hair??Really?? Wow. That’s so unoriginal and so typical of the church lady thinking. Protect the pastor at all costs and throw women and children under the bus.
Well lady, that’s not how I roll. My opinion matters greatly to me and all those that need my help recognizing what is going on in the place they give thousands of dollars of money to per year while getting nothing in return.
My opinion matters greatly to me and all the young mothers and their children that can avoid the experience of sexual assault or molestation in church because they read my book and have the tools to protect themselves.
My opinion matters because these men have gamed on and pimped black women in churches for decades using God and Jesus to do it, and NO ONE HAS STOOD UP TO THEM BUT ME.
Here is a link to a video interview with women that were preyed upon by deacons, pastors and ministers in black churches. http://www.myfoxhouston.com/story/19058850/2012/07/18/ex-prostitutes-dish-on-dirty-ministers
http://www.myfoxhouston.com/story/19058850/2012/07/18/ex-prostitutes-dish-on-dirty-ministers
After today Mr. Wayne Jones comments will go directly into the trash and he is hereby banned from the site. Coming onto a privately owned website and threatening the owner with libel, slander and physical harm in written form is over the top and indicates someone that isn’t wrapped too tight. I’ve taken screen shots of his threatening comments and the system recorded his IP address. So if anything should happen that requires legal intervention, I have the tools to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law. This is a highly emotionally charged and controversial issue that people tend to feel very strongly about one way or the other. Those that have personal experience with being victimized in black churches have a very difficult time being believed or even heard by those that insist the Pastor is the right hand man of God. Discussing a topic and having a difference of opinion is fine, that is what we do here and on all social media sites on the internet. However, when someone cannot tolerate the idea that others have a different opinion, and resorts to threats of harm to make their point, their behavior crosses every barrier imaginable and they must be blocked from having the opportunity to make any further comments on this site in accordance with our Posting Regulations.Thank you everyone for your patience and future cooperation in this endeavor..
@Deborrah omg Deborah I hope he is not a christian smh lol