Female Submission + Patriarchy = Stupidity

. 05/26/2012 . 31 Comments

Interesting discussions on the whole female submission, feminism and religion thing going on over on Facebook. I thought I’d bring it over here to get comments from the men and women that visit the site who (a) believe strongly in female submission; and (b) adhere to traditional gender roles in relationships and marriage.

Everyone knows I am no fan of submission, male domination in any form, religion as a whole, and certainly not into iron clad traditional gender “roles” within male/female romantic partnerships. So it is with much interest I read the posts on what I call “the fantasy perfect relationship based on female submission” that is perpetuated by both single black men and single black women all over the web.

Let’s start with what the woman posted.  Both men and women were reposting her blurb as their status, and clicking the LIKE button:

“To the women out there, being submissive is not a flaw of insecurity or a sign of weakness. It is rather an impeccable act of pride and strength. When you’re bound by the love of a King, submission should come natural. Your King is suppose to guide and protect you. He can not do this if you are walking ahead or beside him trying to share his title as man and paramount because you have become so engulfed in Black feminism with that, “I am a strong Black woman who does not need a man” attitude. I need a man and when I find my King, I will submit to him. I do not want his duties as man, husband, father, protector, and provider. I have my own to fulfill. My love and submission is a gift that is not given lightly and only to the man that can appreciate that.”

Hmmm. I think she is HELLA stupid and definitely living a fantasy. I also think that women that have the mindset that they must be submissive to men ultimately end up being mistreated because men take their submission for weakness. I’ve seen it too many times to count. So I see nothing good coming from female submission, but that’s just me. I believe that we as women cannot submit to men. Period. I don’t care who they think they are. There is no black man that is a king. No white ones either. Men are just men. They are no kind of royalty. They are not special or unique. They fart and piss and throw up and lie and procrastinate and do dumb shit just like everyone else. 

I never liked that follow the leader game, even as a child and am definitely not following anyone anywhere at this late stage of life. Why do black women not seek true partnerships with men? Is it fear? Why be afraid of being treated as an equal instead of as used gum under a man’s shoe? In a true partnership whoever is best at that THING in that SUBJECT or who has that TALENT OR SKILL takes the lead in that matter. But just because he has a dick? No. And just because he submits to some imaginary sky daddy? No on that as well. I would rather he not mention the G word because then I have to really think he was dumb. But that’s just me.

This woman is living in La La Land! She is one of those young idealistic women that has never been married or that even knows someone that has been married. She has no clue about the struggle and compromise, the responsibility and exhaustion of being a wife, the arguing and the hate that comes with marriage. LOL! People work through it, but the reality is that you better be prepared to experience a lot of negative emotions right along with the great ones of love, passion and pride.She fantasizes that marriage is the perfect state of blissful happiness where everything is as it was when she was 7 years old, reading fairy tales where the prince saves the princess and they lived happily ever ever.  She will get her face cracked soon enough.  Now, on to what this black male posted on an online dating site. What follows is a direct quote from his profile:.

“I am success oriented. Very strong willed. I have a Dominant personality.I am a traditional man. I was raised to believe that success, like anything worthwhile, has a price. You have to pay the price to win and you have to pay the price to get to the point where success is possible. But most important, you have to pay the price to stay there.Do not ask for honesty if you do not intend to be honest yourself. That will make me raise questions about your motives. In life we attract not whom we want, but instead we attract who we are. You never get what you want out of life, you get out of life what you deserve. Remember everything that is old is made new again. Everything is recycled. The very same rain that fell on you also fell on Jesus Christ . . Opera, symphony and candlelight dinning are some of my favorite things I enjoy . If I tell you my own meaning of a submissive female is then you will claim to be that. But I know what I am not looking for . . .

I seek an educated, Christian, conservative, submissive, African American female for a relationship building towards marriage only. Must share very traditional values toward relationships and faith. Baptist,Catholic,Pentecostal or Methodist only. I feel that only faith based relationships can withstand the trials that life brings and the test of time. If regular church attendance is not your cup of tea, then I am probably not for you . . If you are not truly submissive, then we are not a match . . I also firmly value PRENUPTIAL legal agreements for protection of hard earned assets . .I work 64 to 72 hours weekly. It takes an exceptional effort to earn exceptional security. A PRENUP is mandatory.

You must be a God fearing, submissive woman who prays on a regular basis. Regular church attendance is a must.

Non denominational churches do not count. I am a Cardiac Critical Care RN. I also work as an ER Nurse. But I can make time for the right lady. I do not have a picture posted. But if we have a conversation that is more than ten words in a sentence then I will share one with you. If you have a problem with that then there are over 13,675+ men on this site, so please keep it moving. I’ve been an RN x 19 years. I am only interested in A class females. No B,C,D or E class females please. And no high mileage females either please.

If you are tired of men that are unemployed or underemployed,dead end,non professional men that don’t have a future and are really are not even thinking about a future, if you are interested in a future of abundance, the finer things in life, well I will be waiting . . The price of success is less than the price of failure. A man with integrity has nothing to fear because he has nothing to hide. GOD created you to be a help mate. But you cannot help a man if he cannot help himself . . If a man does not seek humility, then humility will seek him . .”

Now has anyone else caught the contradiction here? He wants a woman to be 100% straight from the Bible with how she treats HIM, but he wants to go 100% modern with a pre-nup and all that so that he isn’t providing for his traditional submissive wife as a Christian man is supposed to. If she is with him and later he decides for whatever reason that she doesn’t do it for him, why is she supposed to be booted out of the marriage with nothing?  The selfishness and focus on himself and what he GETS vs. what he GIVES is so evident it’s frightening. 

Yet, dozens of women think this is a great guy. They don’t see, just like they didn’t see in Steve Harvey’s book, that they are being set up to be helpers to his greatness while getting no recognition or time to be great themselves. Women that sign onto these types of relationships think they have found love, but in reality they have found nothing but servitude. In the end they are nothing but servants to their “husbands” (aka Overseers) working as his free slaves, free pussy, free child care attendants, free housekeepers, free event planners and free cooks… used up then kicked out when the excitement of having a human being to control like a toy is gone with nothing – since you signed a prenuptial agreement.

Anyway, those are my thoughts – what are yours?

i
18 Votes

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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