The 70% of Black Women Are Single Lie Exposed

| 12/21/2009 | Comments (26)

There is a contingent of Black men online and in print media that love to quote the statistic: “70% of Black women are single!” This statement is shouted and repeated with the utmost excitement and conviction. It is usually followed by suggestions (aka demands) that Black women change what they are doing and how they are doing it, how they dress, speak, and what they need to be like in order to remove themselves from this pool of faceless lonely and desperate women, hungering for a husband. Interestingly, not one of the guys so happy to parrot the statement can say with certainty where the statistical report originated, nor who performed the research and compiled the data that verifies their statement.

This statistic was shared by Oprah on one of her shows.  I feel that the producer who provided that information should be fired.   Professional educated Black men are in high demand

Knowing that the quote was wrong, I’ve called into several BlogTalkRadio shows to correct the hosts on their factual misrepresentation, and to share the source of accurate numbers. Most don’t want to hear it however; the 70% number is a much more powerful weapon in their war against Black women’s self-esteem, and provides them with more ammunition in their quest to make Black women bow down and do what they want. The accurate number of 45-49% (depending upon which U.S. Census report table is used), isn’t nearly as damning.

I find it interesting that when a Black man has a microphone in his hand or access to a computer keyboard, he claims he wants to share information and “help” Black women. He will proceed to make statements such as “women you need to listen to this, because this is HOW MEN THINK!” or “Black women, you are making mistakes with men and you need to change and this is WHAT MEN THINK about you!” or “Black women are single because Black men don’t want to marry you and THIS IS WHY ACCORDING TO HOW BLACK MEN THINK!”

It’s funny because women don’t do that, and neither do men of other races. Instead, they qualify their statements by saying “this is what I think” or “we conducted a survey of 1,000 men and this is what they said.”

Why is it that one Black man thinks his opinion is the Gospel and that he speaks for every single Black man on the planet? Even more unbelievable is that they really believe that every woman within earshot should listen to his every utterance and change themselves immediately to fit his ideal of womanhood. I roll my eyes at this egocentric behavior and silently steam, but now I have something to say to you fellows and I want you to listen carefully: you guys are full of shit and need to go sit down somewhere, because NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK.

The Blame Game

It’s doubly sad that there are Black male listeners (not just hosts), that go from show to show spewing their toxic stereotypes of Black women. These guys are waging a war on Black women, designed to make Sistahs feel bad, desperate, anxious and depressed. What other reason can you think of that a group of adult men would have nothing better to do with their time than spread venomous, castigating condemning comments, and speak and type words of disrespect? Never, ever do they say one word positive about Black females. Instead we hear from our own men the sick reasons they feel explain why 70% of black women are single:

  • They blame the Black man for their own faults.
  • They don’t listen.
  • They have too many children and need to keep their legs closed.
  • They have too much attitude.
  • They don’t let the Black man lead.
  • They don’t know how to keep a man.
  • They don’t know how to be ladies.
  • They are materialistic.

These Black men prefer to make feeble excuses not to date within their race. They don’t value themselves nor women that look like them. By expressing a preference to exclusively date and marry interracially or internationally (as set out in quotes below), Black men can effectively say “accept me too White man! Although I’m Black, I don’t like them Black women either. I’ll f**k and love anything, as long as it ain’t Black!”

I Hate The Phrase “Good Black Man”

Though character in a man is certainly an important consideration, it cannot ever become the sole criteria that a woman uses to choose a man.  Some guys don’t get this and say women aren’t choosing “good” men because they want a thug or a dog player, or they insist on having a man that is degreed, professional and polished. Their suggestion:  a Black woman should be happy that any man wants to be with her and make her his wife, even if he is just a janitor because he feels he is a “good” man.

I really hate that phrase “good Black man” because it doesn’t mean anything really.  I’ve rarely heard a man describe himself as “no good,” have you?  All men think they are wonderful!  But when a group of men try to dictate what a woman SHOULD choose and find worthy, they are attempting to place all women in a box without choice.  They don’t realize that what other guys think is good may not meet every woman’s needs or even her wants.

The reality is that women have the right to demand to have a man that meets ALL of their needs which might include spiritual, intellectual, moral, professional, educational and financial parity. Though a great many Black women would find joy in having a loving husband and being a wife, it isn’t a desperate NEED that most would admit to having. Instead, their lives are filled with activities, travel, friends and family and learning as she enjoys her existence and waits for the RIGHT man to come along, a man of honor and conscience, faith and openness… the man she deserves to have.

Men that don’t measure up to her standards are certainly tired of being alone and want a nice woman. But they are angry at being deemed not good enough by these strong-minded, independent women.  The true goal of these fellows is to bring about a change in attitude which would make them more attractive to the women that don’t want them. That, I believe, is the reason so many are quick to spout statistics such as “there are 10 Black women for every 7 Black men” or “70% of Black women are single!”  The implication here is that these Black women are not just single, but unmarriageable due to faulty behavior, poor judgment, a lackluster appearance, or lack of knowledge about what men need in a relationship.  In other words, there are things single women need to change about themselves to get men’s approval and be considered good enough to marry.

See how that works? Mental manipulation and the “flip the script” game.

The Rage Black Men Express Towards Black Women is Almost Palpable

Black men are confused about their role today because Black women don’t really NEED them anymore. A large percentage of Black women are growing away from Black men educationally, emotionally and socially. Black men frequently express resentment towards women for this self-enriching growth, demanding a “suitable wife” straight out of 1840 that submits to and caters to him like he is an infant. Here are a few quotes sent to me by people over the past few weeks that I saved for this article:

“It is very sad that some black women find that they are not marriage material, because mama taught them how to get their B.S. and not how to also get an MRS. Half of these ladies can’t cook, don’t know how to cater to anyone but themselves….they want to come and go as they please and MANY black men have said ‘Hey why bother with them?'”

“I am a White guy that likes Black women and have been in a long-term relationship with two of them in the past. These comments I’ve seen on the web in forums about black women being mean, having attitude, etc. – I haven’t seen that. In fact, one of the black women I dated did so much for me all the time that I got a little embarrassed and had to tell her to ease up a little bit, that I was a full-grown man, and that I didn’t mind cooking my own meals once in awhile or picking up the dry cleaning myself. So, I just never saw any of this bad behavior from them that’s described by Black men. In fact, it was just the opposite – they were very giving women, and quite appreciative of whatever I gave them or did for them – whether that was going out dinner and a movie, or getting a birthday gift or getting flowers at their office. It’s puzzling to me to see all these complaints about Black women by Black men, because my experience with them has been completely opposite.”

black man with asian woman“Sistahs just are too much trouble in almost every way. Their mean, they nag, if their not fat they get fat, they say stupid stuff, and their always trying to get you to do stuff they want to do. They need attention all the time, 24/7, every day. I keep one on the side for some freaky stuff, but my main girl is Asian. So sweet, don’t bother me about nothing, always smiling. Black women complain about the brothers, but nobody wants to date the black bitches, nobody white, Asian, Spanish, black, so why is that? Why is it everbody wants to go out with a Spanish or Asian girl. Maybe the black bitches should ask them selves that and look in the mirror. Sistah, look in the mirror and see what the brothers see, see what White guys and Spanish guys and Asian guys see, someone that just ain’t worth it.”

“I’m a White man who occasionally dates black women here in CA – I don’t seek out black women, but I don’t shy away from them, either. I also have a couple of friends that are black guys, which sometimes brings up an interesting difference in perspective. Many times what my black male friends see as “attitude” from the black women I’ve dated is pretty innocuous stuff, it’s nothing! But they perceive it as a bad attitude. I’ll give you an example: There are six of us at a cafe, having dinner and drinks, when my black date calls the waitress over and asks for another glass of water because her glass has got something on it (looked like the remains of lipstick the dishwasher didn’t get). The waitress brings out another glass. Later, my friend (black guy) who was there having dinner mentions to me that the “sistah” always had to make all this “drama” out of everything, that she had to show how important she was and order people around. I replied that she just wanted a new glass, one without lipstick on it, and what was the big deal? “I would have done the same thing, and so would you”, I said “well, it’s just the way she did it”, he said. I responded that there was nothing wrong with the way she did it, you are reading something into it that wasn’t there. He said, “I know what I know. I’ve been around black women my whole life and you haven’t”. What can you say to that? So, I just let it slide, and he feels like he made his point, but, of course, it didn’t change my mind about what happened at the cafe – it was nothing. But he saw it as something, something he took personally, almost. There sometimes seems to be a level of mistrust or suspicion about each other’s intentions between black women and black men – it’s a weird dynamic that surfaces at moments like the one I described. These little things get blown up into some level of importance that doesn’t fit the situation. I can’t pretend to know why, or what the answer is, but I’ve seen it over and over.”

“Sure there are successful Black men out there. The problem is that many of them know it and use it to play women. I am a successful sister, educated, athletic, very attractive, own home, great corporate career and God-fearing. It seems as though every time I meet a successful Black man, he has a list of successful Black women that he’s dating at the same time. The worst thing about it is that many of the women know it and still accept the behavior because they are so desperate, which puts women like me who have standards at a disadvantage. I refuse to be played on a string along with a number of other women. It’s to much emotional stress. I’d rather be single. Our men need stop being players and stand up. Our women need to stop being so desperate and set standards for themselves. And married women (White & Black), watch your man. I can’t count how many times a married man has hit on me or asked me out. It’s disgusting and makes me lose faith in marriage altogether. It also made me realize that the grass is not always greener.”

This is exactly what I wanted to point out to women that choose to listen to nasty men with a toxic attitude! Always consider the source of the information you are being given and the reason you are being criticized… what is the person’s true motivation?

Black men covet power and control, both of which they historically have been denied. Have you ever considered that Black women are the only segment of the population that Black man can inflict discretionary choice or exercise power over? Black men resent the challenges imposed by racism and the perceived denial of the benefits that accompany manhood. To feel more powerful, many Black men opt to do all they can to make Black women feel less confident, independent and powerful.


Ladies, protect your spirit by monitoring what you listen to. And always consider the speaker’s true goal and reasons for saying what they are saying to you. Most of the time their statements are designed to do nothing but make you feel bad, anxious, insecure, depressed or to hate yourself, just as these Black men hate themselves.

The Unmarried Black Woman and Statistical Reality

Now, let’s talk about those oft-quoted statistics. We’ll begin with the 1 year numbers published in the 2008 American Community Survey, which provides statistics just for the year 2008. Each set of numbers applies to the population 15 years of age and over, and both genders.

I think it is important to note that the numbers below apply only to those who self-identified as just Black – not Black and Native American, not bi-racial, not a blend of three or more races like Tiger Woods with his Cablasian self. This is very important, as including the group “black and…” would have a significant impact on the numbers below. Think of all the African Americans that are “color struck” and you will understand that many Blacks place a higher value in a mate that has light skin and “good” hair. Any person that fit this description for a color struck individual would be perceived as “better” and definitely more marriageable.

Finally, since we know very few people that will marry in the 15-19 year old age group, I’m of the mind that this group should be eliminated from the calculations as they greatly skew the numbers (with almost 100% in that age group being single). The statistics also include in the group of “single” those women that are widows, divorced, engaged to be married, living with their significant other, those that are not married but definitely not single as they have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, as well as those that don’t want to marry for whatever reason they have.

Anyway, going by what was published in the American Community report for 2008, this is what we have in the U.S.:

Total U.S. Population 15 years and over 304,059,728
Total Females        50.7% (154,158,282)
Total Males            49.3% (144,901,446)

Total Black/African-Americans 37,586,050 (+/-49,798)
Now Married (including separated)        34.6%
Widowed                                                  6.1%
Divorced                                                 11.7%
Single Never Married                              47.6%

In my opinion, we really cannot place widows and widowers in the unmarriageable category as the “70 Percenters” love to do, as these individuals would most likely still be married if it were not for the untimely death of their spouse. Likewise with divorced singles, who were at one time very happily married. With women filing a minimum of 75% of the nation’s divorces, there is a high probability that the wife got fed up with something her husband was doing (or not doing); she CHOSE to become single rather than to continue putting up with his nonsense. So we really can’t count those women in the “70 Percent” category either.

That leaves the “single never married” group of African Americans which is close to 50% of the African American population. This statistical grouping also includes men. It also includes people that are gay or lesbian, that don’t want to get married EVER, those incarcerated that are not allowed to marry until their release, as well as those involved in a relationship that is not yet at the altar (engaged or living together).

Looking deeper into the report under the category “Marital Status” (still reflecting the population 15 years of age and over), we find the following information on African Americans of both genders:

Black Males
Black Females
13,536,163 (+/-24,174)
15,467,480 (+/-24,862)
Now Married, including separated
38.0%
Now Married, including separated
31.5%
Widowers
2.6%
Widows
9.3%
Divorced
9.9%
Divorced
13.4%
Single, Never Married
49.6%
Single, Never Married
45.8%
% of Black Males Divorced/Never Married:
59.5%
% of Black Females Divorced/Never Married
59.2%


Nowhere does this statistical report reflect that 70% of BLACK WOMEN are single and that no one wants to marry them.

And if these guys really believe that nonsense, then they have to accept that fact that the percentage of the African American population that are single never married and divorced is actually LESS for Black women than it is for Black men! Which means if ain’t nobody lining up to marry us, obviously nobody is in a big hurry to marry your funky, bad-attitude havin’ asses either.

Listen to The 70% of Black Women are Single discussed on Date Smarter Not Harder Internet Radio Talk Show on Monday, December 21, 2009.

Read my Examiner.Com article entitled:
Angry Black Single Women? Strong, Successful and Independent Black Women Deserve Love Too!

Black Women: Shedding Light on the 70% of Black Women are Single Stats

Criticisms of Black Men: 70% of Black Women are Single and They Have Too Many Kids!

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Comments (26)

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  1. Deborrah says:

    wdix1151 The DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE has nothing to do with keeping statistics on who is unmarried. Negro please. I set out the facts above and they are not in line with the drivel you are talking.

  2. wdix1151 says:

    I work for the Department of Commerce keeping these types of statistics and the figure is 70% for single black females in this country. Also the divorce rate in the in the African American community is 67% so 2 out of every 3 marriges in the black community will end in divorce. We should be looking for solutions instead of trying to dispute the facts

    • Deborrah says:

      What would the Department of COMMERCE know about single black women? And if you look at how I broke the figures down, you can see that the 70% figure is flatly wrong. The calculation is way off. The inclusion of children 16 and 17 years old and even under 21 is ridiculous since they aren’t even THINKING about getting married and are not considered “adults” yet. The solution to any problem in the black community is for black men to get off their asses and do something about it. Like get married. Like make themselves men of quality. Like be excellent fathers. But since that isn’t happening, the “problem” will remain of 50% of adult black women remaining single.

  3. SweetcakesFranklin says:

    There is a contingent of WHITE MEN AND WOMEN who invented the false statistic, perpetuate it on all the black woman under a microscope articles and shows that THEIR TV AND NEWS CORPORATIONS PRINT!!  I have seen black females in Mammystan posting this garbage as well as a FEAR TACTIC to move black females into the beds of Racists!!  LET’S BE HONEST about WHERE it’s coming from and the truth that black people need to STOP BELIEVING AND QUOTING STATISTICS from our enemies. Most of us don’t seem to understand stats anyway. We pass the toxic stupidity and lies about ourselves around like the influenza virus with glee and use it for asinine slave activities like GENDER WARS.. WAKE UP BLACK SHEEPLE.. You are being PLAYED. 

  4. Firstbornelizabeth says:

    O.k., let’s get honest just this once. Black women are not–and have never been– ashamed of a true or false belief that 70% of them are single. The 70% figure that has been a source of shame for black women is the widely held belief (I don’t know if it’s true.) that close to 70% of black children are born out of wedlock.

  5. Reese says:

    I am glad someone said it. Because I get approached by men of all races. And I am not the only one. I have friends who are married to asians, whites, blacks, middle easterns, latinos.
    The myth is that no one wants us and everyone wants black men and it is not true. Alot of races black men are the last chosen as well. There are just as high a
    % of black men single, but they think they are single by choice. You can date who you want, but they don’t have to try to down bw. I think they are putting their inferiority on us. The majority of bm marry bw just like everyone else with exception of Asian women who is half and half, but nobody asks what is wrong with am.

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