Why Men Hate Dating Single Mothers
With divorce rates in the U.S. hovering at the 50% mark, and more children than ever being raised by one parent, the possibility that a man will run across a single Mom are very high. But many men are hesitant to date a woman with children, and have a long list of reasons they feel such a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Recognizing their fears though, single Moms can approach the dating arena armed with knowledge and ready to deal with a man’s fears about a ready made family head on.
Here are the top 10 reasons men shy away from serious involvements with single mothers:
(1) You Just Can’t Get Away. You are tied down and can’t just scamper off for spur-of-the-moment romantic dinners, spontaneous plays or concerts, or midnight breakfasts. Spur-of-the-moment overnight get-aways are out of the question. You have to get a babysitter. You have to make plans in advance. And if you can’t find a sitter, or your budget won’t allow you to hire one, his desire for a romantic evening or weekend with you goes up in a puff of disappointed smoke.
(2) You Have Children by Numerous Guys. Most guys accept the fact that our society has changed and that divorce, long-term cohabitation, and just plain carelessness means that there are many women with children in the dating pool. Dealing with one guy about his child or children is usually not much of a problem. However, the chances of “baby daddy drama” increase substantially the more personalities there are involved in the new relationship. Men may stick around for awhile for the convenience such a relationship offers, but few are looking to “wife up” a woman that has that much baggage.
(3) Your Children Are Too Old. Tim is a 33 year old computer technician in San Jose. He won’t date a woman that has children over the age of 8. Tim drew the line after he got hit with that “I don’t have to listen to you ’cause you ain’t my daddy anyway” line one time too many. He acknowledges that many women make the mistake of telling their young sons that they are “the man of the house,” something the young boy may take great pride in. The son will thus challenge any contender to the throne and his power in the household. So for Tim, unless the children are relatively young, he doesn’t want to be bothered. 
(4) Your Children Are Too Young. At the other end of the spectrum are men that are run off by a child that is TOO young, like nursery or preschool age. Small children are very Mommy-oriented and require a lot of assistance with everything from bathing to eating. They also require constant watchful attention for their own protection and safety. A man that feels he comes in a distant second to your children may not be so thrilled with the situation and choose instead to date a woman that has more time and energy to expend on him.
(5) “Are You My New Daddy?” Smart men know that little children get easily attached to people they have fun with. But guys don’t want to deal with that emotional quagmire. Should he decide that you two aren’t quite right for each other, he is afraid of breaking your innocent child’s heart. Many men therefore shy away from heavy involvements with single mothers, and put up roadblocks or shy away from meeting or spending any time with a single Moms children.
(6) He’s a Lover, Not a Fighter. Realistically,after a breakup or divorce, children are usually pretty negative about some new person coming into Mommy or Daddy’s life. It ruins their fantasy of the parents getting back together. They may even feel that this new guy is “taking you away” and lash out, behaving in a manner so rude and horrible that you are embarrassed to be his or her mother! Your new beau is not so attached to you yet that he wants to put the energy into developing a relationship with any child who sees him as the enemy.
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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and please dont judge me by that pic. I was like 18 then. Im 27 now.
I am a single mother to a daughter who is 7. I have had 1 serious relationship post my daughters dad in the four years we have been apart, where the guy moved 2.5 hours away but he still checks up on us.
The last guy I dated for 7 months and I kept the two separate until he finally told me a few days ago that he is not ready to be a “father figure” to my child but would never want to be with me without having that role. He said this is why he hasnt committed to me because he is uncomfortable about me being a mother (I was a mother when we met and he KNEW that) I think he thought hed get comfortable with it as he fell for me but guess not. So of course, I haven’t spoken to him since and it really made me think, what is it that scares guys from dating single mothers?
I mean he said that I am caring, a great woman and he loved spending time with me, and that is why he did not want to tell me hes not ready. None of these situations listed apply to mine and I THOUGHT that would help thwart off the negative connotation of me being a single mother. He has never dated a woman with kids, has none and is successful and says he doesnt want kids for another 5 years. He is the first guy I have dated ina a while who I can say is a quality man.
I respect his decision (though I wish it was told to me sooner) but I dont feel like I should have to settle for the bottom of the barrel guys because I am a single mom. I get that being one, puts me at the bottom of the barrel but I have a strong support system (finding a sitter isnt hard at all, we went out alot, and my brother lives with me so we easily went on a spur of the moment “dates”). The only diff is of course it generally has to wait until after 830 when my daughter is in bed.
I only have one childs father who isnt around but every so often but my daughter recognizes he is her dad and actually encourages me to date because she does want me to get married. My childs father could care less if I date and is in his own relationship. The main issue I guess is that my daughter will always come first. I think every guy wants those moment when they know THEY are the only person their women has to worry about? And no matter how much you show them, they still have to consider that you have a kid. I can understand thats a lot for somebody to take on. I had decided to swear off dating until shes 18 but from this list, THAT might even be a turn off.
I know right now I am hurt, being that I lost what I thought was a great guy, over something I decided to take on almost a decade ago. But I can definitely say this is probably a general thought of men, and men, please dont “try” to date a women with a kid if you know youre not ready. I know I am never dating again. I would sacrifice that then to settle for the scraps of men who would be willing to accept it. It is not worth the risk.
AnthonyBlakMartianTinney topaz627 jackal2012
“That’s why prostitution should be legalized”.
It already is legal in the state of Nevada, but broke azz Jikas ain’t got no money to afford to pay for sex like that lolol.