Why Black Women Put Professional Black Men on ‘NIGNORE’

Yes PLH you are a BUFFOON and full of COONERY, SHUFFLING, AND JIVING which is why your dumb butt is put on NIGNORE!

Wise-Son (not so wise) a male in the 'nignore category "
"These women really need to stop….One of the biggest complaints among successful black women is that they can’t find a man on “their level,but yet these women go on to think that these successful black men must think they are some how better…."

Nobody said 'successful black women think they are better. However a woman who is educated, successful in her career, financially independent, is 'better' than a woman who isn't any of those things. Why? Because she is 'better set up to take care of herself and her family and not depend on someone to do it for her'. Just as a man would be.

Nobody wants to be with a 'loser' so your comment about women shouldn't place value on a man who shows the successful attributes that she has is BS. Men always have to whine about something!

If a woman dates a RayRay down by the carwash with no job and baby mamas, men like you will say, "See that's why women can't get anywhere, they'd rather date the loser playa than the 'nice guy' who's finished school and has a job and is successful'.

If the woman wants the successful man who is fiscally responsible/successful educated, men want to whine about women shouldn't place value on those 'things'. Your dumb comment about 'if women wouldn't place value on these things, then men wouldn't care about them, just shows your loser mindset.

You must not have any of these things, otherwise you'd be advocating that men and women should attain success in their career/educational/fiscal goals. But there is always 'some male' who is going to whine regardless. Usually because he's been Nignored by a woman he wants because he didn't meet her standards, and instead wants her to 'lower her standards' and accept him. NEXT!

THIS!!!!!! Well stated.

^^^^^^^5^^^^^^ ********** (Raz is turning back flips) after reading Orion's post!!! Reading it was actually quite a 'thrill'! A dude who isn't afraid to speak the truth and be vulnerable and admit, 'Hey I still have some work to do' when it comes to dating and relating to women'. Now that's sexy because what it tells a woman is that this guy is open, ready willing and now able to grow, learn, give, receive love and be with a woman the right way! AWESOME!!! This is a guy who respects what a woman thinks and needs and is not up here 'arguing with the woman because his 'ego needs to be right'. Orion this is the best post I've read from a guy in a LOONNG Time!
Best to you Orion! :) And like your namesake the constellation Orion which means 'hunter', A successful hunter hones his skills, and brings home the prize. You are at a place where you realize this, and soon (if you haven't already), you'll be bringing home your prize. :)

I edited out your bullshit condescending comments dude. You are lucky I didn't delete the whole thing. Flaming and attacks on me or any of the other posters is not allowed on this site. Stick to the topic and avoid the nonsense. Everyone should review the Comment Guidelines and familiarize yourself with the rules of posting comments on this website.

As for your opinions about women, no, you men are not more likely to find a woman. There are millions of single black men just like there are millions of single black women. Many in their 30s and 40s complain a lot about not being able to find a woman, being rejected by women, that women don't want them. So if your frat brothers got married, good for them. There are many women just out of college that are married as well. Let's see what happens when their wives get sick of them and get a divorce. How quickly are they going to be able to get a second wife paying child support up the ying yang. Black men are not wanted for your money generally because you don't HAVE ANY. The ones with the ducats are the white boys. So if a black woman wanted a man just for his money, she would not waste time on a brotha, she would go right where the big bucks are.

Lastly, you did say one thing right - that these professional geeky men are trying to get women out of their league. They are trying to get the dime women that have their pick of men, and they are not picking geeks. They want a man that is as hot and fine and sexy as they are. If the geek guys went after the geek girls they would be married easily and happy and have a family. But since all men are influenced by the media and choose a mate based on those media images, you guys pick women to chase after that you can't possibly get.

Nubiangent: "Afterall, it’s the professional sistahs who are complaining the loudest about not being able to find a mate. For proof, Google “Professional Black Women and Marriage Rates”. Further, based on my anectdotal observation, every brother I went to college and pledged with, is married. So obviously, plenty of Black professional bruthas are not being “nignored” (LOL…clever and funny!)."

When you can come with 'professional research that shows marital rates across the board of all racial and socio/economical status and then do a cross examination study of divorce rates of all socio economical status, then that might be credible. Doing a 'google' search only shows 'what is 'popular' not what is accurate or even legitimate research. (One would think an educated 'frat' guy would know this). Media hypes and skews information for a reason. Brothas howl like hound dogs when media incessantly show them in a negative light. Brothas get tired of being portrayed in the so called 'media' as being 'less than' when weighed against 'nonblack men'. When you do a 'google search' on 'white teenaged male crime, I'll bet you won't come up with nearly as many searches as you would if you did one on black male teenaged crime (or black male crime). Is that to say there are no white boys breaking the law? Of course not, but we all know that being black, and poor weighs heavily in how you are treated in the eyes of the 'justice' system. Justice is mainly for nonblacks' and those with 'money/power.

This is the same with how the media 'hypes' professional black women. Learn to look behind the propaganda'. Plenty of nonblack women are single, unhappily married, divorced. In fact women initiate the divorce 80% of the time. Your highest divorce rates are amongst nonblack women, but that's not talked about is it nor is it a popular 'google search'. You'd have to do an indepth search of professional journals and books, scientific studies, books to find out what is really going on not simply a google search. Especially given the media's historic bias towards showing anything to do with black folks in a negative light.

And just because someone is 'married' doesn't mean they are 'happily married'. Longevity in a marriage, doesn't equate to marital satisfaction of both partners. Just in my experience, I've known plenty of unhappily married couples who stay together for reasons that have nothing to do with their love for one another. So try again with the 'marriage=happiness, or that guys think they have 'clout' because some woman deemed to marry them.

This article talks about 'Single professional black women who put black men on Nignore and the behaviors black men engage in that get them put on nignore. We're not talking about folks just out of college (who probably dated while in college) and got married. We're talking about professional educated black women established in their careers, who are holding things down already on their own, and the brothas who approach them hoping for a date, but they don't bring the personality traits to the table that women find appealing. They rest on their 'accomplishments' but don't put any thought to the 'inner person and what it takes to appeal to women and make them happy.

Also Nubiangent, this is not your blog and the anecdotal experiences you've mentioned, you and your frat brothas are limited to is just that 'your anecdotal experiences'. This doesn't make 'your experiences, hold true for hundreds of thousands of other people. In reading Ms. Cooper's bio, she's been doing this for 20 years and has interacted with thousands of people in dating and relationship from around the world so she knows over a much broader audience than you and 'your limited anecdotal experience'.

Rather than come here and try to 'boss' what she says and how she says it, you can always go away and write your own blog, rather than coming here and taking up for your 'bros the SilentBro, Danta's and others who come on the blog; all of whom rather than learn something, they are defensive, whine and complain about what women are doing wrong. And you're starting to do the same.

This article is Why black Women put Professional black men on Nignore' It is not about why black men ignore women, or any of the other things you and 'your 'bros' are trying to flip it off to be. If you want to talk about something else, then write your own article.

Otherwise, though you've made some valid points, in your post, you've mostly 'whined and complained (albeit most eloquently) and gotten mad that an article like this was written and that women are 'talking about these behaviors that brothas have expected women to shut up and deal with because of 'black male privilege. Like so many other brothas, you don't like it when you're criticized by a woman. You think you're beyond reproach.

Bottom line, nobody cares what you think really and this ain't your blog. If you don't like what is being posted, SCRAM!

Invisibleblkman "As a 45 year old man I can hear our ancestors turning over in their graves and crying out “is this what I gave my life for”
Oh pluueeze, men kill me with this patriarchal mindset they have. As long as women were silent and compliant, they assumed the women were happy with the status quo. Plenty of women from years ago were quite unhappy with the way men set up the world. That is why we had laws in place to correct those who were disenfranchised by laws made 'by men' to benefit men. Did you know that up until the mid 80's a woman was discriminated against because of her ability to get pregnant? PDA Pregnancy discrmination act was put in place to protect women in the work place as were sexual harrassmsent and other laws so give it a rest will ya. Men start howling the minute women start getting enlightened and speaking up about men's unchallenged idealogies and attitudes that they've gotten away with for years. You try walking in the shoes of a woman and see how you would like it. And if you're a black woman you have to contend with even more discrimination.

"Brothers we who have worked hard to achieve what we have deserve a round of applause, however we cannot rise to true success without the sisters by our side and she should be recognized for being the steadfast woman she is also… A man cannot be a man unless he has a woman to be a man for…A woman cannot achieve true womanhood unless she has a man to be a woman for…The greatest thing a man can be on this earth is a husband and father…The greatest thing a woman can be on this earth is a wife and mother, every thing both men and women do in life is to make you better at being those two things."

More rhetoric and drivel and canned responses. A man does not need a woman to prop him up in order for him to achieve success and be a man. It's 2010 now and women are starting to realize that. Opportunities are opening up for women to advance themselves career wise and educational wise and women are stepping up and achieving. All of that time and energy devoted to a man, is going out of the window. Women were restricted by gender roles and closed opportunities in society even 10 years ago. A lot of that is changing. Women are realizing that why put all of their time and energy in a man when they can put it on themselves. Men who are used to being propped up by a woman are being left to fold like a bad poker hand now that they have to stand up on their own sans a 'woman's support. She is getting hers, guys who can't achieve are getting weeded out, left behind to sink to the bottom where they belong.

And that mess about men and women are put on earth to be wife and mother, husband and father is BS in 2010. That is long standing traditional patriarchy talking because that is what men have socialized themselves to think and they've socialized women to live in this restrictive role too. This is why women couldn't achieve because men set up rules in society that discouraged women from being much more than wife and mother. Job opportunities were denied to them. All of that is changing. Men with the traditional mindset you have will be left behind. Women do not derive their definition of womanhood by what some man thinks they ought to be doing which is the 'wife/mother role. Women can do whatever the heck they wanna do. If they want to be CEO of a hedge fund, then they can. If they want to be 'child free' (not every woman wants to birth,raise kids), they can do it. Men who think like you can go kick rocks, because this kind of thinking is what has been holding women back for decades.

"We are in crisis, especially the sisters, Yale researchers Natalie Nitsche and Hannah Brueckner argued that “marriage chances for highly educated black women have declined over time. “most educated, professional women who want to marry can and do marry. But the picture is less bright for high achieving black women because “marriage markets” for them have deteriorated to the point that many remain unmarried, the researchers found."

Your mistake is again your traditional mindset that all women should desire to be wife and mothers. That is patriarchal mindset. Who wants to get married these days? A woman can still live a fulfilling life, have an enjoyable male companion in her life on 'her terms' not his and she doesn't have to get married to do it. Who wants to be with the same man for years on end watching everything on his body get stiff except the one thing that matters the most, that gets limp hahaha.
I suggest you read Ms. Cooper's article "The Cons of Marriage – Why Women Should Not Get Married" http://survivingdating.com/?p=1182
And while you're at it, read her article "Why Women Should Stop Having Children" http://survivingdating.com/?p=1091
You can also read 'Wifework" by Susan Maushart

Women in 2010 are waking up and realizing that being some man's wife and mother of his children is not the fairy tale fullfilling dream men have sold women into thinking. Women should devote more time to themselves and 'what they want to do' and that doesn't always mean giving birth and being some man's wife and all that goes with it, which pretty much means a 'second job for women since they primarily run the homes and takes care of the children while the 'men helps out'.

I watched my grandmother work outside the home standing up on her legs at a sewing factory for years. Then she would come home, cook, clean, take care of her grandkids when she had us, while my granddaddy came on and sat in his easy chair and opened up his newspaper. No wonder men are howling like a hound dog nowadays. They don't like it that women are opening their eyes and ripping the blinders off. Marriage is way more beneficial for men than it ever was for women. My grandmother was the one who told me to get all I can for myself and go as far as I can in life. She said she wished she had the opportunities that I have. For an intelligent successful educated black woman who is holding things down, on her own, what can a man really offer her except sex and she doesn't need to marry him for that. Times are changing, men like you either change your mindset or get left behind.

Black women have always led the way in change. They are leaders not followers. Harriet Tubman was the leader who led slaves to freedom. Somehow black men expect black women to be June Cleaver when she has never been that way historically in this country.

Girl you STAY putting it down, thank you for addressing his patriarchal comment way better than I could!

Less Edumatcated Black man? FASCINATING. You talke about Women want men That take action, and Decisive and all that, and then totally write and show the opposite on this Blog, and those podcasts. You ain't makin' sense! Men and women are supposed to walk with each other not one in front and one behind. You can't win You want a Brother to be educated but not smart as you or like you, you want a bad boy, but he gotta be sensative to you and your needs It ain't gonna happen!!!! It just ain't!!!! You talk about why us Educmacated nice Dudes ain't gettin' nowhere with women cuz we ain't emotional? Please!!!! I like many others we Rational, Logical and make sense. We emotional and we show it when we do things not just to talk about it. And again you talking sex, makin' your toes curl back and everything and thinking a nice Guy is weak in Bed cuz we ain't Bad Boys or Thugs. I'mma share alittle secret with You Nice Guys if we want you like you want us will Put it down on you all the time. Part 2 inna minute.

Danta: "You can’t win You want a Brother to be educated but not smart as you or like you, you want a bad boy, but he gotta be sensative to you and your needs It ain’t gonna happen!!!! It just ain’t!!!"

Sigh... Another whiny dude. Man that factory keeps on churning out the so called 'nice whiny guys'. Is it any wonder sistahs are nignoring them? A man wouldn't be intimidated by a confident woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want. A man would be taking notes so he can avoid being 'nignored. Instead the 'whiny 'nice guys' howl, whine and act all defensive. The message they are sending out is not one that is attractive to women at all. Women want men who are willing to learn how to please them and who are open to learning new ideas as relates to women. That's why the playas have it over the 'nice whiny guys'. They know how to appeal to women, all you guys know how to do is whine. You want some cheese? Danta, 'Clean out your ears, and listen to what is actually being said, and not what you're interpreting is being said. Listening comprehension skills point to the fact that you are indeed an 'edumuncated male instead of an 'educated man'.

Part 2.

That's always what women look over and it's alot of selfishness out there about what a woman wants. Ain't a Relatiosnhip based on 2 people? That's what I thought. Nice dudes will give a woman exactly what she wants if she is honest about what she wants and stop commin' up with these ridiculous expectations of how you want a man to be. It be amazing to me how women that know dudes ain't good for them they get with him anyway and Justify everything he does and make excuses all the live long day. Back to the Bad Boy y'all women that like these dudes claim that you want a man to respect you, and be all about you and the ones that will, y'all don't like! But a Bad boy he will say Yes Ma'am to his Mother, Aunt, Grandmother or any older woman down the street that knew him since he was little But he will call y'all (His woman) Every name under the Sun! But you his woman right?

(Interlude): At Raz Notice you said please and Not pleasure pleasure lasts alot longer than pleasing, and again It ain't all about you! When you are in a relationship with a Man it's about Y'all!
what y'all can do for each other, how y'all can make each other happy. Get off of this "What can you do for me Mentality" cuz it doesn't help anything and it shows how selfish you really are. that's probably why women like you like the Bad Boys cuz they be selfish like you. Talk mess like you, and ain't excitin' like you! And I is Edumacated( I am aware of the Grammar I am using and I can say that) But I don't throw that or my accomplishments up in everyone's face like most women do I gotta good job, car, So what? Be proud of your accomplishments but don't rub it anyone's face like you better. And I don't have a problem with gettin' women at all but they punk out cuz they don't know how to take me, so they back up and go for the knucklehead. Confident? Please you date Knuckleheads and it's not player These dudes don't play sports or Run Major Corporations, that's a Player. When you use that word it's Playa Say it right. I don't whine nor do other nice Guys I didn't say why in this post so therefore I don't whine. You ignored and didn't acknowledge anything of my first Post Whiny dude? Bitter Woman! Also I seen this happen to many times you like these Hood-Dudes,so much what makes them so exciting? Cuz they look like they can't be tamed? they wear the lastest clothes? and up on the latest songs, and rappers?, dances? they have a Nonchalant attitude? they talk a certain way? with a whole Bunch of Swagger? and in they vocabulary Have a whole bunch of words like Boo, Shawty, I and a healthy diet of Whatevers, and I don't Give a Fucks? can't nobody tell them what to do? You gotta be on Crack to believe any of that! Half these dudes that claim they was in the Hood on they Block when they was really in the House! they didn't see the Hood until they turned 20 years old! Y'all put nice dudes through all types of drama, and the Bad Boy i.e.Thug/Playa always gets a pass and ya'll will come to him and follow his lead! I seen it happen everything from educated, and Down-to-earth women drive these fools around in they Ride to dangerous parts of the city or let the fool push they ride, to they Boys House to they Baby mommas house, to pick up some weed, and other dumb stuff what's so exciting about Dudes that Don't want nothing outta life, that Hurt people, including you?Then again with having no goals this dude is a Professional Moocher You will let him live up in your house that you worked for eat up your food, and run your bills up. But as long as he's puttin' it down in the Bedroom it's Allllllllllllright! And whenever somebody at your job make you mad, or just upset you will Blaast him for not having a Job and to get off your couch the same thing that you So-called Confident, Strong, Sexy Sistas blast nice guys for that have a Job etc. you can't have it both ways. C'Mon Son!!!!

Part 2 Cont'd
Plus you also talk about these No-Goods being emotionally there for you I ain't seen it happen cuz it don't happen!When these Dudes are around you they are always "On"
they put on that front y'all like so much and other stuff from the gear to the swagger. If you saw these dudes when they wasn't around you, Y'all will kill y'all self! He knows he gotta be like that in order to get you, and y'all goin' for it Hook, Line, and Sinker! and if you knew that y'all would make better choices when it comes to mates. You like Niggas but NigNore Us? Wow! And then y'all talk about the Sex with these Dudes that he puts it down on you makes your toes curl, and all that. Knowing it be some of the wackest sex you ever had!!!! But since it's with a Thug It's Great Right? Plus you say they will protect you Again I ain't seen it cuz it don't happen. Without a Gun they ain't nuthin! You believe that so much, and you'll end up protecting yourself, but turn around and say he did it. And you think that all nice dudes came from middle-class families and what not when let the Truth be told Many nice dudes Grew up with Ray-Ray, Lonnie, Bookie, Pookie, and Lil'Nuck Nuck and those dudes always tried to punk the nice Dudes in the Hood and when they wouldn't leave us alone We would Whop they Ass!!!! They ain't Tough!!! Never was! But they Beat you up Like a Prizefighter, with skill and accuracy but that's what y'all want right? Nice dudes don't need to show strength cuz we got it, and show it when necessary as well as emotion when it is in what we are doing and who we are doing it with. You will always give these dudes a pass for growing up in the hood and makin' fucked up choices that landed them in jail, but never talk about the Nice dude that came up the same way he did and chose not to be a knucklehead. In case you ain't Figured it Out, I'm from the Hood! Born and raised I'm proud of my roots and Sick and Tired of these Fools Representing it the wrong way. See ladies if you was in the Hood you did something, whether you played video games, sports, dance groups, mentoring whatever you did something! The Knuckleheads y'all love so much cuz they represent the hood was just there! causing trouble some were good athletes and I ain't talkin' Basketball,and Football but in other sports but chose to to punk out and do dirt! Respect to all nice dudes that didn't lose focus, and making a way for themselves don't change who you are for anybody or anywoman it's always somewhere out there better that you can grow with, and will love you for who you are. One Final point about the Sex thing and other stuff. If'n you women want that he beat it into submission, I can't stand up straight sex you claim a Nice Dude can't do, Date A male Stripper or Better Yet Date a
B-Boy!!!! You know Breakdancers? They have Balance, excellent control of their bodies, and muscles, and do tricks if y'all gonna do it do it the right way otherwise keep hittin' that Brickwall at 400 miles an hour like you been doing.

and all flash, gear, and dances Flash goes outta style, gear goes outta style, and the "New" Dances go outta style How can he have rhythm when you don't? Y'all need to be honest about what you want and what you can give Back that up if you can.

Love,

Danta'

Damn Dante, you took up a lot of server space with all of this continued 1 and 2 to say a whole lotta nothing which I didn't bother to read. got better things to do than read all of this drivel. I skimmed the first paragraph and stopped at the interlude (lol)

Right Raz, Right. Short ain't necessarily the Truth, all of it is out so you gotz Reply. LOL What you said.

At Raz How would you know that what I wrote was a whole lotta nuthin' if you didn't bother to read it? You have to read it to know that right? Contradiction in Terms, again You can't dispute and you have No Reply.

Raz you bring up some valid points but your delivery is almost attacking. In many of your responses you get personal with your negative description of the person you are responding to. I listened to both clips first before responding to the comments to try to have an understanding of what everyone is talking about. I think the author has some valid points but I think you both confuse to whom you are referring to (I could be wrong).

I think I know of the type of "entitlement" brothas I think you are referring to. The ones that always try to act important handing out business cards and commonly referring to their employed position, degrees, and social networks/groups, their car and where they live. These men define themselves by their accomplished and automatically expect women to submit to them playing their low numbers and unto women's insecurities about being single.

The male responders to this forum don't sound anything remotely like them but you seem to refer to them as such. The previous responders all sound very intelligent and articulate their experiences, background and knowledge. They speak about women making bad choices but nothing I read accused you of that so why the hostility? I can acknowledge that men make bad choices the same as I can that women make bad choices its not about one side being all the blame. The men were speaking to a women audience so I believe that they were addressing what women do that isn't productive from a male perspective.

In response it seems that some are trying to justify women being with the opposite, the thugs and low life who are no more the solution than the entitlements. Our overly high percentage of single headed households, poverty, crime and women on assistance attest to the fact that men need to be able to take care of what they produce hence why would women be with a man who can't (nor won't) provide for what she brings forth out of their relationship...kids?

Now I will like to say that I could have missread someones comments, the videos and my knowledge is infalliable (don't know everything) but I will get personal and state that my background is 4 generations DEEP in loving, committed and LASTING marriages on both sides of my parents who themselves are still happily married. My mother was strong enough to be at the lunch counter sit ins demonstrations during the 60's when the other backed out but I have never once seen/heard her disrespect my father.

My father was a military officer (few blacks) who had to stand ground during the riots of the 60's here and later was a school administrator in the worst neighborhoods but never hear him utter a negative comment about my mother. Their roles crossed each other, although they both had advanced degrees and worked middle class jobs my father sometimes cooked and my mother did home repairs/upgrades. They never said I do this and you do that, they didn't have a long list of expectations, they both did whatever was needed without complaint.

I read the bickering on this forum and it shows the widening gulf between black men and women nowadays. My only sibling and I are happily married but that happiness comes through continual work and sacrifices and change not hard line list or rigid expectations. This is my perspective and my background, I challenge those who disagree to take a minute to reflect on their own background, current situation and source of knowledge.

Silent bro: "The male responders to this forum don’t sound anything remotely like them but you seem to refer to them as such. The previous responders all sound very intelligent and articulate their experiences, background and knowledge. They speak about women making bad choices"

I think you should make like your moniker and ' Be silent'. Bros always jumping to defend other bro's regardless of what is said. Same mentality, Bro's before Ho's (rolls eyes)

Raz you are articulate but what you are spewing is mainly anti man venom. Some man that you really cared about really hurt you in your past, it shows in your writings, its so evident.
Don't fret because it is such a common mental/social attribute in our community. Mother has sex with real loser, woman raises child talking negative about loser she slept with. Woman is so negative no one elses marries her. Child grows up hating loser father but ends up chasing younger losers eventually making the same mistake as her mother. Now we have 3-4 generations of single woman/parents who can't close their legs (to losers) to break the cycle.
I hope one day you can stop hating and learn to love yourself and maybe one day someone else will be able to love you. Until then have fun with the thugs and your last sentence is so applicable.

SilentBro: "Raz you are articulate but what you are spewing is mainly anti man venom. Some man that you really cared about really hurt you in your past, it shows in your writings, its so evident."

Spare me your pseudo psycho babble. Guys always think when a woman speaks up about guys in a terse no nonsense manner, she's anti-male and emotionally broken. Guys want women to mollycoddle them and when a woman gives it to them straight, in a way they don't want to 'hear', then she's got to be 'hurt' and broken down emotionally (rolls eyes). That's your ego talking dude. By that logic, then all of these men put on 'nignore' by the women they want must be broken emotionally, since these women are rejecting them. lol. So whenever a guy like you starts in with this type of BS talk, then you must be broken down emotionally, insecure with a fragile ego since you figure a woman has to be 'hurt' to tell a guy like it is. Give me a break. I'm happily involved in a loving relationship with a great guy and have left more than my share of 'nignored' men in the dust. You know nothing about me. Guys like you think that only the men are the ones who 'break hearts, not so. Ridiculous! Now Silent Bro can you please BeSilent LOL

The WIllie Lynch letter is an internet based hoax. It began floating around in the early 1990s and Black folks are still just now reading it and all impressed by some college frat boy joke. It is not realistic and should never be used as the basis for an argument on Black culture. It is faulty and silly. The main thing is that Black men need to stop being intimidated by highly educated Black women and acting like cave men. Grow the hell up! There is no excuse for dumb biscuit making broads with nothing intelligent to talk about to be chosen as wives and have the responsibility for creating the next generation of Black Americans. What can they possibly teach children? What leg up on Whites can these types of females provide their offspring? Men need to hear the message to choose higher levels of women as well. And if you men don't view a woman as good enough to be the potential mother of your children, you should not have sex with her. Ever. Period.

Your commentary is weak and retrograde patriarhy. Get real. To reference the so-called Willie Lynch letter is utterly ridicolous, considering its fallacity but it doesn't surprise me. Intellectual sloth abounds in 2010.

Very Entertaining,

Backwards as all Get out but very entertaining. Continue to Divide and Conquer.

Thanks for your post. It's hard to find a sensible argument made on this topic. Pushes alot of emotional buttons.

I agree, but if we are not desired by Sistas who should we date or marry... The answer is rhetorical.

Bigjo "I agree, but if we are not desired by Sistas who should we date or marry… The answer is rhetorical."

You should date and marry other men like yourself. No woman regardless of her race wants to date or marry a man who lacks basic listening comprehension skills. Your comment proves you lack this skillset. This video didn't say anything at all about sisters do not desire black men. But since that's what you got out of it, perhaps you should go back to primary school and learn to 'listen'. This is one of those 'nignore' behaviors sistas get tired of dealing with so called professional brothers. Any woman would.

Raz why are you so angry? I see you are very concerned about patriarchy and you say that not all women want to be married. This is true, not all women (or men) should be married and they have the right to opt out of marriage. They also have the right to be treated fairly and equally in this society. But mariage does not equal oppression; women and men can be fulfilled in marriage; successful marriages in a community is a stability indicator. Are you a lesbian?

Bigjo "Raz why are you so angry? Are you a lesbian?"

Bigjo why are you so obtuse and defensive to the woman's viewpoints on this topic of
'Why black women put professional black men on 'nignore? Are you gay? Downlow?

Bigjo "I see you are very concerned about patriarchy"

You know women who have opened their eyes are angry all over the world at male privilege and what men have enjoyed in a world where rules are set up by men for men. In the same way that black folks grew sick and tired of living in a white world where white men set up the rules for white men and oppressed others, these 'others' include, non Euro men, and women. Because of this anger, 'others' held rallies, organized groups and started a movement. You may have heard of them, Black panthers, Civil Rights Movement, Malcom X etc... Only a man who has never walked in the shoes of a woman and had to deal with what women deal with on a day to day basis can be dismissive of her concerns, can state just like you that 'here is just another woman who 'must be a lesbian. (rolls eyes). Why can't a woman be angry because she 'has just cause, once she realizes that men (including black men) have enjoyed male privileges at the expense of 'her happiness'.

Only a man has the luxury of overlooking what women go through living in a patriarchal world and the impact it has had on her livlihood and this includes opportunities denied to her, roles she is restricted into doing, and what she is expected to do in marriage. Go read a few books on gender roles Bigio, go dress in drag as a black woman for say a year (so that you really look like a woman), live like a black woman, then come back and talk to me about being angry. Women, can get sick and tired of male patriarchy (especially from black men because brothas are some of the most traditional minded black men on the planet, besides middle eastern men), just as black men are sick and tired of racism and the impact it has on their lives. Is a brotha a racist because he is angry at the 'man' when he realizes what the 'white man's privileges mean for him? Well then, that doesn't mean a woman has to be a lesbian when she realizes what black men's attitudes and male privileges has meant to her and the negative impact it has on her lives. I love 'Men' who know how to treat women well in the ways that matter to women'. But I dislike stupid 'males', who think because they are 'males' with testicles, this entitles them to certain privileges, while disempowering women. 'Males' who act 'entitled' to women and that women are supposed to put them on a pedestal because they are 'professional men' and they expect that a women's place in life is to 'serve, support and uplift him, meanwhile it isn't reciprocal.

Bigjo: "But mariage does not equal oppression; women and men can be fulfilled in marriage; successful marriages in a community is a stability indicator"

In the institution of marriage, women do 95% of the work that goes into maintaining a marriage day to day, while men 'help out', this includes child-rearing, running the home etc.. even though both hold jobs outside of the home, that woman is expected to start her 'second shift' of work once she gets done with her outside job. All of this is socialization set up by men dictating what a woman's roles should be. I say men who think like that can kick rocks. I'd rather have a man, who is right there with me starting the second shift together. A man who 'shows' emotional support, rolling up his sleeve and taking equal parts in running a household.

Men like you often 'talk' about what 'can and should be' in a marriage, without facing the reality that it ain't actually happening. Look at the high divorce rate stats all across racial socio-economic lines. This marriage thang ain't working out to well long term for folks. Women are the ones filing for the divorce nearly 80% of the time as they wake up and realize that marriage is not as fulfilling as they once thought it was. I have a friend right now dealing with deciding whether to leave her hubby of less than 3 years. The guy was one way during courtship, soon as the 'I-Do's' were said, he changed and not for the better. As more and more women are waking up, they are realizing they can lead a fulfilling life sans marriage. They can still enjoy the company of men on 'their terms'. Men like to think that they are the only ones who get to dictate terms in a relationship', they only think this because women have 'allowed' them to have that power. I advocate for women to take back the power they've always had. Don't allow themselves to become entrapped by a guy who will have unlimited power over them, which is what marriage does.

Bigjo: "successful marriages in a community is a stability indicator""

Who gets to determine what 'a successful marriage looks like and feels like? The man or the woman? What are the indicators? As long as the woman is quiet, keeping things running smoothly in the home and all is right with the man's world at home, everything is successful huh? Meanwhile the woman is popping pills, drinking alcohol, praying on her knees at night, crying on her friends shoulders all to keep peace in her own home, while the husband floats in oblivion because all 'looks well to outsiders' that his marriage is a success and he never sees the 'stress and toil it takes on his wife because she keeps it from him. He figures his marriage is successful because they've been together for years and years.

I say women should live as independently of men as they can. Women can do this in 2010. Women have just been socialized by men' to think they can't have a life without a man. But that is untrue.
A successful woman on her own can have a fulfilling life with a man playing a very small part, that of a sexual part and nurturing emotionally supportive part, when the need arises, beyond that, men are pretty useless for a woman who has her act together on a day to day basis. Why limit herself to one guy for the rest of her life? I say be a serial monogamist. That way when she gets tired of that one guy, she can kick him out and get another one. That's the way to go for women it's 2010!

Raz, it seems almost like you have an us vs. them mentality. The fact that I'm proud of my accomplishments, doesn't mean I want to see black women fail, or am for the disempowerment of black women. I have no problem with black women being proud of their accomplishments, I think black men and women should be trying to help uplift eachother. Just because dating black women has been frustrating for me, doesn't mean that I want to exclusively date non-black women or that I put non-black women on a pedistsal. Even though non-black women seem to be more interested in me than sistas, there's a whole new set of problems to deal with when dating non-black women.

Not all black men are traditionally minded when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a man-made institution, I personally believe that I don't need marriage, to validate my relationship with a woman, nor should a woman need marriage to validate her relationship with a man. I agree with a lot of the points these videos, and the articles on this site are making.

I'm confused about what it is that black women actually want. Do black women even know what they want relationship-wise? These videos claim that black women want a man who is loving, compassionate, attentive etc... other articles on this site say that black women want a man who has some sort of primal manliness. I agree that I can't expect the fact that I'm educated and gainfully employed to be enough to satisfy a woman in a relationship, and yes I agree I do need to bring more to the table than those qualities, however at a certain point all of these demands women make start to sound redicoulus. I'm all for improving myself as a man, however I'm not going to cater to all these rediculous demands from black women. There are some things women are justified in asking for, but sometimes it seems like black women just have unrealistic expectations, it seems to me that black women will complain no matter what I do. Maybe it's better for me to just stay single and focus on me.

@BlackNarcissus who wrote:
I’m confused about what it is that black women actually want. Do black women even know what they want relationship-wise? These videos claim that black women want a man who is loving, compassionate, attentive etc… other articles on this site say that black women want a man who has some sort of primal manliness. I agree that I can’t expect the fact that I’m educated and gainfully employed to be enough to satisfy a woman in a relationship, and yes I agree I do need to bring more to the table than those qualities, however at a certain point all of these demands women make start to sound redicoulus. I’m all for improving myself as a man, however I’m not going to cater to all these rediculous demands from black women. There are some things women are justified in asking for, but sometimes it seems like black women just have unrealistic expectations, it seems to me that black women will complain no matter what I do. Maybe it’s better for me to just stay single and focus on me.

Dude, why do you think it has to be an "either/or" thing with women? Don't you realize that a woman wants a long term committed relationship with a man that is ALL OF THOSE THINGS! Would you want to settle for a woman that is just sexual but that you can't take anywhere because she would say stupid things or embarrass you with her ignorance? NO! Would you want a woman that can cook and clean and works hard but who shares nothing of herself so you don't really know who or what she is, and the sex is mechanical and repetitive? NO!

Well, women don't want that mess either! A woman wants a man that makes her smile when she thinks of him, that warms her heart when she hears his voice on the phone, that knows where and how to touch her to take her breath away. A woman wants a man that takes care of business so she never has to worry that the lights will be cut off, her car repossessed, her children will have to go without shoes or clothes, or there will be no money for groceries or gas. No woman wants that! Women want a man that meets all of her needs and at least some of her wants so that she can settle into the relationship and know that she has a solid, trustworthy, loving, sexy man to share her life with --- ALL OF HER LIFE.

Your defeatist attitude demonstrates that you would rather give up than try. You would rather not take the risk of achieving greatness because you have already convinced yourself that you won't succeed. You see meeting a woman's emotional and physical needs as "catering" when in reality you are merely providing your woman, the woman you allegedly love, with what she needs to be happy and see you as her Knight in Shining Armor instead of some jackleg fool.

But hey, if you don't want to do that and would rather be by yourself because its easier, then do that. To me and all the women reading your post though, it makes you sound weak. Women do not want weak men that give up at the first sign of a challenge.

Black Nar: "Raz, it seems almost like you have an us vs. them mentality."
Nope don't even try to 'assume what is going on in my head, you've already proven in your comments that you lack the motivation or the skillset to understand where women are coming from so your assumption just made an 'ass out of the 'u and me' (lol)

Black Nar wrote: "Just because dating black women has been frustrating for me, doesn’t mean that I want to exclusively date non-black women or that I put non-black women on a pedistsal. However at a certain point all of these demands women make start to sound redicoulus. I’m all for improving myself as a man, however I’m not going to cater to all these rediculous demands from black women.

What exactly are you doing and/or not doing that causes dating to be frustrating for you? Have you self reflected, tried to improve yourself instead of blaming and whining about the women being at fault with their 'demands'? Just reading your comments in this topic turned me off so I can imagine it must be worse in real life. Dude you need a 'Hitch' makeover. You're coming across as whiny cowardly, arrogant (because of your accomplishments) and supercilious. None of those traits things appeal to women. Women want men who show charisma, pizazz, assertive, strong, sexy, attracttive who 'want to please them. Had you said, 'I'm going to do what I can to wow the woman I'm interested in, that would come across so much better than you up in here whining about women and what you perceive as their demands. No wonder your dating life is frustrating. Your attitude towards women sucks. I don't know what you like in person, but if you look like your attitude you've well frustration with women will be mostly all you're going to experience.

Black Nar: "Even though non-black women seem to be more interested in me than sistas, there’s a whole new set of problems to deal with when dating non-black women."

Black men tend to 'treat nonblack women better (by default) so this ish you're talking about with nonblack women liking you better, it could be because your own attitude towards them is different. With black women, you're whining about demands, but with a nonblack woman saying the same thing, you look at it in a positive light. I've seen that many times before. Also even a nonblack women will get tired of your attitude long term. She might be with you initially because of the 'material things' you can provide, but you would never have her heart, or make her toes curl, or put a smile on her face when she thinks of you, instead of what you provide for her, because you lack what it takes to get to the heart of a woman and you ain't interested in learning how.

Black Nar wrote: "I’m confused about what it is that black women actually want. Do black women even know what they want relationship-wise?"

You act all confused and claim not to know what black women want because 'you don't want to know' you' re not confused. You just want black women to shut up and take whatever trifling behavior you put out and be glad because you're an accomplished brotha. (rolls eyes) Get over yourself. An accomplished woman regardless of her race doesn't have to put up with your negative attitude towards her, she's not impressed by your accomplishments. Heck even someone working the cash register at a store, won't be impressed by your attitude. Women have a right to know how they want to be treated and they don't have to settle for what you throw at them just because you think you're accomplished. Your accomplishments don't entitle you to treat women like nobodies and to have this superior attitude that you have.

However I encourage you to join a monastery that way you can remain celibate, don't have to worry about women since you're so frustrated. Get a vasectomy so you don't procreate and devote your time to a 'higher calling. What with all of your proud accomplishments this is right up your alley since you think women aren't worthy, join a monestary that should be worthy enough for you. Now enough time and energy wasted on you. We've been going back and forth for a minute dealing with your whiny butt on women. Either you get it or you don't and apparently you don't so move it alone and go do something else, but stop whining about the same thing over and over again. I'm starting to think you're just seeking attention from women in cyberspace since that's probably the only attention you get. Dang, get out and meet someone.

You act like you have tried dating more than a few Black women! Get over yourself! Get outside of your comfort zone and listen to the guidance provided by the video and the articles on this site. Educate yourself about how you can become a better man, the man that provides the missing emotional and psychological connection women seek. If you "professional" men would stop thinking you are all that and realize that a husband needs to provide more than food and shelter, you will understand the value you can have to Black women, and you will be snatched up before you can blink!

"We professional Black men should look at these YouTube spots as an opportunity to see how successful, African-American women are thinking.
It is fruitless to criticize their perspectives because their perspectives are the sum of their own experiences. Therefore, they do not have to be justified or meet our objective (or subjective) standard of validity."

Exactly Cpe but here is where you went wrong with your next comment

"What we, as professional Black men, should do is accept that we are not a desired group by the sistas"

Nobody ever said that sistas don't desire professional black men. This video talks about the attitude and behaviors that professional black men show sistas that get them 'nignored'. Why is that so hard for brothas to get? Why can't they look at this and reflect that they need to work on those behaviors. Actually no woman would be happy (regardless of her race) dealing with these behaviors and attitudes long term.

But I commend you on what you said about black men using their accomplishments to improve their communities and mentor. That's excellent, however black men should also do some self reflecting. Pick up a relationship book and learn how to relate to women from an emotional supportive standpoint. Being a better man is an internal process not merely external.

This was Beautiful Too, and I know BigJo Personally.

He has helped kids through college, as well as find jobs for the almost 10 years I've known him. I've been active in community service as well for years. Shame that most women when they have these gripes of who is desired and not, None of this is mentioned About Men who do for and give back to the community as well as help other communities. One day they'll get it. Ah well.

Cp3 "Laslty, to my fellow professional Black men: you can’t be someone you’re not, so, don’t waste the little bit of time we have on this Earth trying. If the sistahs ain’t checking for us, then complaining damn sure ain’t gone change it and neither will trying to comform to something that’s not natural for you. . .shake it off, live your life and use that energy to help some people who need what you have to offer. . ."

This is hogwash and it sounds like you're whiny and bitter Cp3 (something men like to accuse women of being all the time). Just like you were once uneducated, jobless, but you picked up a book, learned how to study it, went to college, achieved, got a job achieved success and now you've gotten all of those 'material external things' that show outwardly you have 'arrived', you can devote that same energy and drive to 'be a better man towards a woman, by fixing the inside. You were not always the man you are today as far as achievement and success are concerned. Just like you worked to achieve and accomplish, you can work on your inside to be the type of man that a woman would desire. Stop being so defensive and whiny about these videos and realize that this is a teaching tool. Don't do these things that this video is talking about and start reading relationship books on how to be the type of man that women will like and be drawn too. Don't have this defeatist attitude that you have. Man is it any wonder men like you get put on nignore? Dang!

I was trying to encourage brothas to NOT whine or become bitter at all.

That's why I wrote that whatever we accomplish it should be because of its inherent value, not because of what it might get us in the way of female attention. In other words, DON'T be bitter because sistas don't see what you've done same way you see it-do it for your own reasons, not to impress.

I also wrote: "there's no benefit to complaining or attacking the validity" of womens' perspectives, "complaining damn sure won't help," and "shake it off [and] live your life." In other words, DON'T whine. Instead, we should should focus our energy on making other people's lives better and their futures more promising.

I also disagree that I represented a defeatist attitude. There would have to be an opponent for me to be defeated and I don't feel that there is an adversary in this situation. I don't see this as one versus the other. The bigger issue is that once a black man (be he professional, or not) learns that he is disfavored, then it's vitally important that he move past the source of that disfavor and focus his efforts where they can make a difference, which is in his community.

Cp3: "I also disagree that I represented a defeatist attitude. Once a black man (be he professional, or not) learns that he is disfavored, then it’s vitally important that he move past the source of that disfavor and focus his efforts where they can make a difference, which is in his community"

Nope still a defeatist attitude. See rather than advocating that men 'reflect and look within so he can learn how to be a better man to a woman, you advocate for him to give up on women and relationships completely and focus on 'community. Newsflash: women are part of the 'community', and so are men. Men and women make up families, which make up communities. So your so called advice to 'avoid women' by focusing on bettering the community rings of bitterness and and anger in disguise. What ever happened to if at first you don't succeed try again. What you're implying is that men should give up on 'black women' altogether . You've missed the point of this video entirely. If you're engaging in behaviors that put you on 'nignore, this should be a teaching tool for you to cease those behaviors and perhaps you'd have success with the woman of your choosing. Your attitude is: I'm not going to self reflect, I'm not going to stop doing those annoying behaviors that might put me on nignore. I'm going to keep being me and if a woman nignores me, oh well I'll focus on my community. Pluueeze, I see through your rhetoric.